Judging a Book by its Cover

[earllogjam]

If you say you don't do this, you would be a big fat liar.

If you think appearances and first impressions are not important you've got a lot to learn about life.

Sure it is not fair, sure we all think we are above this, sure it's superficial, but it shapes what doors open up for people, who they date, where they work, how they get initially treated.

What shapes your first impressions on people?

When have your first impressions ever been wrong?

 

[B_Think_Kink]

My first impressions are usually wrong. But it doesn't really define how I treat them. I'm very passive so I just stay quiet till I have opinions proved or disproved.

 

[Osiris]

I think it's more conversation. I'm not going to lie, physical appearance does come into it, but it is more from the standpoint of fashion I guess and not bodily appearance.

Many times. I don't think anyone is infallible. I mean look at politicians? You can think they are wonderful and then, they turn out to be crooked. It also speaks back to the appearance factor.

Ted Bundy is a good example of how first impressions could be wrong.

 

[earllogjam]

I think good looking people get away with so much shit. Simply because many hold them in such high esteem. It is that halo effect at work.

 

[viking1]

What shapes your first impressions on people?

Usually their attitude.

When have your first impressions ever been wrong?

Sometimes people just put up a front and aren't like they appear at first.
Many times they are as they appear on first impression. My first judgments
have been right more that they have been wrong.

 

[ledroit]

I judge a book by its spine, not by the cover.

Does this mean I am missing the point?

If you say you don't do this, you would be a big fat liar.

If you think appearances and first impressions are not important you've got a lot to learn about life.

Sure it is not fair, sure we all think we are above this, sure it's superficial, but it shapes what doors open up for people, who they date, where they work, how they get initially treated.

What shapes your first impressions on people?

When have your first impressions ever been wrong?

 

[tim36]

First impressions are very important, but I try to also get the know someone a little better, who knows, I may be missing out on a good person, because my first impression of them may have been not favorable.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

I've been wrong about people on several occasions, but like Think_Kick, that doesn't define how I treat them. I treat everyone the same, and I don't judge anything based on how someone looks.

 

[lafever]

There are no second chances for a first impression.:smile:


lafever

 

[SpeedoGuy]

What shapes your first impressions on people?

Its certainly not very much about how they look or dress. It has a lot more to do about what they have to say and how they say it.

When have your first impressions ever been wrong?

There've been a number times. The worst case that comes to mind is the person I advocated to get a job in a position that works in my office part time. I went to bat for her to get her the job and she did. But it turned out badly. My first impressions of her as a younger and harder working version of myself turned out to be dead wrong.

 

[ClaireTalon]

What shapes your first impressions on people? A number of things. Their mimic and gestures. Naive, inept? Self-assured? Life experience? And then I'm still military enough to get a better first impression if their clothes are clean and do fit them, at least that is when I meet them professionally, in private it is not so important.

When have your first impressions ever been wrong? 50-50. In some cases the man or woman behind the first expression to be different than I had thought, in others I was completely right with my impression.

 

[wldhoney]

There is a difference between looking at a book's cover, and judging a book's cover. If you pay attention to life's lessons, you soon learn that the cover is just that....nothing but a cover.

Appearances and first impressions are important, but not in regards to looks. For me it's grooming, eye contact, smile, and body language. A good handshake, friendly eyes.

If just glancing around a room or business, I look for the person that seems friendly and personable. Sure, a good looking man or woman will catch my eye. But if the attitude is arrogant or cocky, or they are rude or unfriendly to the ones around them, say a waiter, if they look around with what attempts to be "bored sophistication", my glance goes right past them.

If a person is simply solitary, nervous and a bit stand offish, it is apparent in the body language as well. There are subtle differences and when I notice those I pay a little more attention. Usually a friendly smile when you make eye contact will eventually get a response.

 

[Osiris]

I think good looking people get away with so much shit. Simply because many hold them in such high esteem. It is that halo effect at work.

I'll agree with that 100%. Has this not been proven by Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole?

 

[Eva]

I fully own that I judge posters based on their usernames. And thus far, I'm generally correct in my assessments.

 

[HazelGod]

I judge people here by how hot their body parts look in their avatars. :wink:

 

[2322]

More than anything, I pay attention to what comes out of their mouth. I don't discount appearance, gestures, or facial expressions, but they don't mean as much to me. This is a concious decision on my part precisely because I've read so much about how first impressions matter so much. Where before I used to have to check my first impressions, now I question them straight away. That works favorably and unfavorably as well. I may not consider someone who seems very nice to truly be very nice until I have more exerience with them. I try to be polite and engaging to see what kinds of responses I can elicit. I have to trust someone before they get the full Jason.

The other reason is because I'm not very good at judging character straight away. I tend to want to think the better of people, give them the benefit of the doubt. Just look at my results on the cynicism test. If I don't forcibly keep that tendency in check, experience has proven bad things can happen.

Loyal and trusting people can get badly used. In this world there are too many people willing to fuck you over for being a nice guy so the walls stay up for a while.

 

[ClaireTalon]

I judge people here by how hot their body parts look in their avatars. :wink:

You only want to see my tits, don't you? :wink:

More than anything, I pay attention to what comes out of their mouth. I don't discount appearance, gestures, or facial expressions, but they don't mean as much to me.

That is how it should be, but when someone opens his mouth to say something, my first impression is usually set up. It's not irrevocable, but he doesn't set a first impression by saying something.

The other reason is because I'm not very good at judging character straight away. I tend to want to think the better of people, give them the benefit of the doubt.

Probably I'm too cynical for that. I have worked a lot with different people in the past years, I think enough to be good at recognizing characters or at least facets of it at a cursory glance. To see the character as a whole, of course, you need more time, but that is not the primary issue of a first impression.

 

[2322]

Yup. I chose the right person with whom to be stranded on a desert island! I need cynical friends to protect me.

...and fly the plane I build out of bamboo, lianas, and coconuts.:biggrin1:

You only want to see my tits, don't you? :wink:

That is how it should be, but when someone opens his mouth to say something, my first impression is usually set up. It's not irrevocable, but he doesn't set a first impression by saying something.

Probably I'm too cynical for that. I have worked a lot with different people in the past years, I think enough to be good at recognizing characters or at least facets of it at a cursory glance. To see the character as a whole, of course, you need more time, but that is not the primary issue of a first impression.

 

[invisibleman]

If you say you don't do this, you would be a big fat liar.

If you think appearances and first impressions are not important you've got a lot to learn about life.

Sure it is not fair, sure we all think we are above this, sure it's superficial, but it shapes what doors open up for people, who they date, where they work, how they get initially treated.

What shapes your first impressions on people?

If people are way too judgmental or have WAY too much attitude--I leave them alone. I can find better people. I can make my own way in life. I don't need someone as a stepping stone to get where I want to go. People will come and go as they please.

When have your first impressions ever been wrong?

You never really know people from first impressions. You know people by spending time with them. Even then, you REALLY do not know what happens in the future. You could find someone you love or really like and later on come to REALLY dislike them.

It is never good to judge. What makes us so special that we judge each other?

 

[earllogjam]

There is a gestalt that happens when you first meet someone. It is the sum of all different things that form my opinion of a person, from their voice, looks, mannerisms, and attitudes. But I have to say that the one thing that immediately registers with me is the energy that person is giving off. Good energy - good first impression. I look for bright eyes, a feeling that someone is comfortable in their own skin, honesty, lack of pretense, cleanliness, and above all someone that can laugh and find humor in things. You can read these traits within 5 minutes.

The major thing that always throws me off is when they mention what they do for a living. I always have a bunch of baggage I attach to a person when they mention their profession. I try very hard never to ask that question, "So what do you do?" It's a stupid question if you think about it because aren't people more than their dumb jobs? I think in our capitalistic society we have an automatic relex to freely discriminate by class and judge people according to how much they make. I have a friend who is a truck driver who is one of the most literate people I know. I never would have found out following my first impressions of him.