I can honestly see where this guy is coming from in saying that children deserve the sumbission from their parents to their needs. I agree with this implicitly, although I have never supported unhappy people staying together "for the kids". Unhappy people raise unhealthy kids, and this is just not a good situation for anybody.
I divorced my daughter's father when she was only two. It wasn't a traumatic divorce, we didn't hate each other, we had just fallen out of love. We didn't want to be tethered to each other in a matrimonial arrangement, but we entered into parenthood with our eyes wide open. Both of us remained committed to raising our daughter, and he is one of my better friends to this day.
Lex and his Mrs. seem to be on this same path, for all I can see. They still have love in their hearts, both for each other, as well as their children. It is absurd to suggest that two happy households are more detrimental than one unhappy one. More people in the lives of their kids will give their kids a broader base of adults to turn to, confide in and learn from. I have always involved my friends in the life of my daughter, and many times these relationships have been valuable to her. What's so cool now is that she does the same for me. Her friends still call me "mom", as so many are estranged from their own families for being gay.
One of the beautiful rewards of being the adult who has been there with these kids is that I am seeing some of their real families coming around. I would like to believe that helping them achieve a sort of sense of self has helped enable them to approach their parents from a place of security rather than feeling they have to apologise for who they are.
Human beings are sick, weak creatures in many ways, but we CAN overcome our baser instincts. There is a natural tendency to pick on the weak, but amazingly when someone who is perceived as weak finally stands up for themselves, they DO often end up earning the respect of those who put them down. So often this is the case with children of "good Christian families" who reject them for being gay. The gay kid stops feeling shame for their very being, and stops allowing themselves to be talked down to, and EVENTUALLY many parents come around. Not always- some will stick to their crude judgements and faith-based hatred nomatter what, but then at least the kid knows the problem is not in HIS court.
On Judgement. The word "judgement" is much like the word "love" in the English language. We love pizza, we love our spouse, we love our friends we love the mailman when he brings us a check. These are very different emotions, but we understand what is meant by the context of the conversation. Judgement is very much the same. We judge right from wrong, we judge if there is enough space to park our cars, we judge the time of day by the location of the sun in the sky. We simply can't get through life without making judgements, many times a day. There is a type of judgement that is more about quantification and personal value, and this particular type is very potent and can be dangerous. We MUST proceed with caution here, lest we lose something of great value in our own potential.
Assigning value is a difficult process, and (in my opinion) the very basis of becoming a mature, rational adult. No one can really claim to be a grown up without learning to assign value. Sadly, there are MANY aged adolescents in our midst, and I am of the opinion that our culture actually encourages this. By shielding kids from any form of difficulty, we rob them of the life lesson that difficulty CAN be dealt with, and must. We see over and over again how adults who do not have these skills fail miserably when presented with conflict, and actually get indignant that they even have such a situation to deal with in the first place. All I can say to that is "Nigga, you ain't special!" ALL of us have to deal with crises at some point, in some manner.
If the price of asparagus goes up, that's a tragedy to some. For others, it's the fact that their kids are gay, their parents died, their friend got cancer, they are themselves addicted to drugs/alcohol, or for some, all of the above. There is a direct correlation between the adversities one has HAD to overcome, and their ability to look at adversity as something that CAN be overcome. To someone who has dealt with very little, thier abilities will be stunted, and this is necessarily so. Coping skills are very much like muscles- if they never get used, they turn to flab. Honestly, I am sick and tired of living among emotionally flabby people, and I wish that more would put forth some effort to see beyond their own cloistered, myopic view. We CAN grow beyond this, people, and we should.
When someone is willing to stand forward as Lex has done so many times and say "I'm imperfect, but I'm finding a pathway through. I'm doing it in love and with my heart and soul in my behaviors", then it gives great courage to those who need a gentle shove to do the same. No doubt, Lex had such champions himself or he might have had a great deal of difficulty in doing what he has done. If inner strength is one of your gifts, but you don't share it, then that is cowardly and shameful. If those who are swift and strong do not remove the stumbling stones from the path for their brothers who are following behind, then what good was their gift to begin with?
Lastly, your ACTIONS, not your words, are the summation of who you are (and who I am). Words reveal your imagination, but your actions reveal your character. Our arguments are entertaining enough, but what do we take away from them? Do we find reason to think more expansively when we are not at the computer, or does this place exist only to give of a place to unload our displeasures?
Think about the things we talk about sometimes. We really CAN use our heads for more than a hatrack.
