just a jealous guy.....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_N Flay Table, Mar 25, 2009.

  1. D_N Flay Table

    D_N Flay Table New Member

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    I don't know what has come over me lately...
    I am having some serious trust issues in my relationship.. but the funny thing is my rational mind knows better, and knows I have no reason to not be trusting.
    If you see thread http://www.lpsg.org/127174-girls-night-out.html
    you will get an idea of what I am talking about.
    My chick is great friends with her ex-fiancee, and I think he is a really cool guy!
    they go out and do their thing, and it doesn't bother me.
    The girls night out thing bothered me because I got worried when I didn't get at least get a call or a txt that she was safe, and would be home late.
    However it did bother me to know that she was having a bunch of guys buy her drinks all night.. believe me free is good... but when her friend told me she had to elbow some guy because he wouldn't keep his hands off my chick, even though she was telling him to fuck off..
    that really did piss me off the situation escalated to that level.
    Of course I would expect guys to hit on her, she is a very attractive girl.
    But sometimes I think I am totally nuts for feeling that way.
    I dont want to feel like I am 'possessive' or controlling.
    I fully want her to go out and have her time with her friends.
    But that situation made me extremely uncomfortable. And I know I am getting the *censored version of the story.

    So what do you guys think?
    Am I a total douche?
    Damn, I need to get a hold of myself.
    yikes.
     
  2. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Find the source of the feelings, then work to resolve them. Something underlying might be causing your fears all of a sudden. Talk with your partner, or perhaps take some time to reflect on recent happenings to find out where it went wrong.
     
  3. jjsjr

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    I understand your concern.
    Tell her and let her know that you're concerned....
    then get her reaction.

    But you have to let her know what you are feeling, if she hears that it upsets and bothers you, maybe she'll stop. Afterall, she's dating you not the ex.
     
  4. ManlyBanisters

    Gold Member

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    Are you getting the censored version?
    If so, is she censoring it because she doesn't want you to know or because she doesn't want you to feel hurt / upset about something over which you have no control? If it is the former, that's not good, if it is the latter then it is not so bad. I'm all for honesty regardless - but some folks prefer to not 'annoy' their partners. If that's the problem then try telling her that even if she thinks stuff will piss you off you need her to tell you.

    You say you don't think she's up to anything - so what are these 'trust issues'? You say you were pissed off that her friend had to elbow some guy because he wasn't taking fuck off for an answer - Some guys are just like that. Seriously, try being a girl - sometimes you can be sending out all the 'no' vibes that work on every other guy and there is a guy too socially inept to pick up on it. The friend's intervention doesn't mean your gf was not working hard enough at saying no.

    I don't really understand the issue here. You say you trust her - if you trust her you trust her. I can understand you not trusting others with her, but really, what can she do about that?
     
  5. tripod

    Gold Member

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    DJG, you are an amazing person. You are funny as shit, talented, VERY good looking and very intelligent. You also have a VERY nice penis and body (your cock is BIG and your body is definitely above average). I'll bet that youa re also a good listener and an understanding man.

    What else could a woman ask for? Your girlfriend also knows these things and doesn't want to mess up a good thing.

    It's good for people in their thirties to go out and pretend like they are twenty five again. It is also good for your girl to know that men still want her... this keeps her self esteem on a normal course and can only improve your relationship.

    Women are the desired sex on this earth, which means that everywhere your girl goes... guys are constantly checking her out and fantasizing about having sex with her. It is important for a woman to feel wanted. Likewise it is important for a man to be needed.

    A relationship where the man needs the woman and the woman wants the man is bound to be destroyed by the calmest of storms. Obviously, you need her and she wants you, but that dynamic won't see you both growing old together.

    It's good for her to be chatted up and hit on at times. Guys like you don't grow on trees... she's not gonna give up a stud like DJG for some douchebag loan officer at a bar. But it's good for her to know that the douchebag loan officer at the bar wants to fuck her, even if she wouldn't normally give him the time of day.

    Anyway... keep up the working out to hone your body into it's optimum shape and keep up that PE, 'cause you are getting some awesome gains on top of your "gift" that was given to you.

    You just need a reality check and to smoke some more weed! lol!!!!
     
  6. Stephenmass

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    OK DJG....way I look at it is this. If she begins to go out more and you literally feel she is distancing you because of it, that is not a healthy sign. You have reason to be concerned. Sometimes and not sexually if the excitement of being out is more fun than being home or if the two of you are not going out enough to enjoy yourself...to me that means perhaps, and only perhaps that the two of you need to go out more often. If she enjoys going out on her own "with the girls" a little too often, then that would become a sign to you that something is not right at home. That doesn't necessarily mean you are not a great looking guy with a great body as said above, but even those guys can get lax about making the woman in their lives feel important outside of the bedroom. You know yourself if the relationship is in a "rut" kinda thing or not (even if the sex between the two of you is great, it can still be in a rut). If it is in a rut and it is important enough to the two of you, it is important that the two of you begin to go out more often, almost like dating again. Make it exciting and it doesn't have to be expensive. A movie, dinner, club, whatever the two of you enjoy (a vacation weekend here and there) would help.

    But if you find her going out more and more without you, that is a danger signal.

    Communicate as much as you can; while you may not like what you hear (or the opposite, you may love what you hear) at the very least you will know where the two of you stand.

    I don't know how long the two of you have been together. Never take her for granted (nor should she take you for granted).

    I'm a firm believer that if everything outside the bedroom between a couple is good to great, that it carries over naturally to the bedroom so sex isn't an issue if it's good beyond the bedroom.

    What I'm also hearing is (even though you didn't use the words) is that you love her and now fear she is "drifting away". You are not crazy. Trust your gut instinct and follow it if she is imiportant enough to you.

    I have to admit the "ex fiance" thing would piss me off royally; not sure how you tolerate that.

    On the other hand if the relationship is solid and she is going out once in a while with the girls, and you trust her completely, she knows how to ward off advances same as you would as if they were made to you by a woman you may not be interested in.

    I don't know you or your relationship. Just my two cents!
     
  7. D_Rawkesbye Deadheade

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    You're not a douche, DJG. You care.
     
  8. D_Tina_Ciao

    D_Tina_Ciao Account Disabled

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    All the advice here is good. Think about your relationship and talk to her. If you feel distanced, you should tell her and talk over the possible reasons and solutions from her point of view as well as your own. Communication clears the air, provides needed information, keep a relationship alive. From an old woman who has found out through experience. TALK. Then DO what's needed to resolve things so there's no need for jealousy. I'll be praying for you.
     
  9. pomaus

    pomaus Active Member

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    First of all mate i think the first bit of advice is not to refer to your partner as a chick. This is the woman you love not a piece of poultry which you part it's legs, give's a good stuffing and then bastes it all over.

    I am not saying that to have a dig at you either it's just that most people want to feel loved and not owned.

    When someone feel's that their partner is being controlling they are more likely to rebel and let their hair down when they do have a night out and also lack respect for their partners feelings ie when having a night out not to have the courtsy to call or text and let them know they are ok.

    you really shouldnt let it bother you when you said {quote}but when her friend told me she had to elbow some guy because he wouldn't keep his hands off my chick, even though she was telling him to fuck off..
    that really did piss me off{/Quote}
    you should take joy in the fact that your partner handled the situation and made it clear to the guy that she wasnt interested. Your over reaction to a situation like this would just ring alarm bells to your girlfriend making her feel that you don't trust her to be faithfull to you and hence her not sharing experinces like this with you again which would result in you lacking even more trust in your partner.

    At the end of the day we are all human and no matter what our marital status we all like to feel desirable to other people regardless of gender, and no matter who we are we all like to flirt to get some attention at times. there is nothing wrong with that and in fact it's quite healthy for our self asteem.

    Take coumfort in the fact that your partner made her feelings quite clear to the bloke who over stepped the line, and that it is you who she is with. And you can relax in the knowledge that your partner can have a night out with the girls and deal with any unwanted attention herself and not have her other half feeling the need to intervene.

    When someone feels totally loved and respected they are far more likely to adhere to a partners feelings and respect and keep checking in with them to let them know they are ok and they love them :)
     
  10. D_Jurgen Klitgaard

    D_Jurgen Klitgaard Account Disabled

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    I know exactly where you're coming from man. Stacy still goes out with her friends, and that's fine with me. Hell, I envy her! I wish we were able to be together so we could all hang out. But anyways, I've told myself that I don't want to be that jealous, control freak boyfriend that keeps her all to myself. She has friends that are guys and that's cool with me. She's known them for many years and the last thing I want to do is take her away from her friends. And when she goes out she still gets hit on. She's attractive and I totally expect it. She told me some guys hit on her last weekend at a bar. Truth be told I was flattered. It's a confidence builder knowing that a guy like me can get a girl that's so attractive. :cool: Besides, I trust her. I've been hit on before too. I'm flattered about it, and when I tell her, she feels the same way as I do when she gets hit on.
     
  11. Andy1369

    Andy1369 New Member

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    *echoing everyone in here* Hang in there, man.
     
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