“I wish I were bigger,” I said, aloud.
I’d thought it before, of course. Many times. Being bullied for being the scrawny kid from kindergarten through graduation. At my 17the birthday, I was the second shortest guy in the room, and the skinniest. By the time my 18th hit, it seemed like nothing was going to change. At 5’6” and 124 lbs, I was charitably called “lean”, but let’s face it, I was a scrawny little dude and I knew it. I’d tried eating more, working out, sports, all of it. No luck, not with my crazy metabolism. And it wouldn’t have been so bad had I actually been good at any of it, but I lacked the coordination for sports, and I just couldn’t seem to put on muscle— despite the best efforts of the high school coach who turned me into his pet project senior year. We’d both agreed steroids were out, and my folks were unwilling to consider anything medical. But we put a dent in GNC’s stocks for legal, over the counter stuff.
Anyway. Graduation happened, and I’d turned 18 two days prior. I’d picked a solid, reputable local university, and was ready to enjoy a summer free of other worries. I had a bit of money set aside from my part time job, which was a blessing because the place closed up unexpectedly during the last week of classes. There was little point in busting my ass to get a summer job for two months, and my folks grudgingly agreed to cover my expenses until I went off to school. After all, my scholarships were enough to cover school and expenses, and graduation and birthday gifts gave me some spending money to enjoy the summer.
First item on the agenda: a trip to New York City with my best friends. Two whole weeks, in late June! My friend Sarah had a cousin who had just bought and begun to renovate a house in Hell’s Kitchen, but ran Into some legal and financing issues that kept it from completing. So the plan was we would stay there for a bit, and let the contractors in to finish renovating the first floor, while Sarah’s cousin was away. Accommodations were minimal, but who cared? We planned to bring sleeping bags and air mattresses, and the kitchen was already done.
So it would be Sarah, her sister Erin, my bestie Vic, and me. Vic and I had been friends since pre school, and Sarah was my neighbor. Her sister Erin was a year older, and was ostensibly the grown up. She was on break from a school in New Jersey.
Anyway, me and Sarah and Vic got there by bus, took a Lyft over to the place, and met Erin. We missed Cousin Pete by half an hour due to traffic, but had sorted it all out by phone with him and Erin. We ditched our stuff after getting a quick tour, and then went out for dinner.
Okay, I’m sure you’re wondering when the sexy part starts.
Well, so was I.
See, I had begun to figure out that I like boys...and girls. And I had eyes for my two best friends. Crushes, really, but the sort you have when you have a deep friendship. It had only slid over to connect to lusty thoughts in the last few months. But a combination of fear, unwillingness to screw up friendships, and my own self image issues kept all those feelings locked up inside.
But stray comments overheard at graduation parties had sparked a glimmer of hope. See, Vic is Korean and raised mostly by his aunties. And I heard Auntie Lin expressing concern over Vic’s lack of a girlfriend, and asking her sister if she thought he might be like Vic’s cousin Jun. Of course I never heard a response, but Jun, well, Jun was a hottie and probably part of why I realized I was into boys too. He would be about 23, and had been openly out for two years, and I’d been crushing on him whenever I saw him at Vics place, usually for some big family meal I’d wrangled my way into. He looked like the masculine guy in a K-pop band. and Vic looked like he could be the younger nerdy one.
Until that comment, it had never occurred to me that Vic might not be straight. And I was terrified to broach he topic because we talked about and shared everything BUT our sexual interests with each other. But I loved spending time with him, and all our interests seemed to overlap perfectly. We’d slept over at each others houses since elementary school, had shared gym classes and camping trips...but suddenly I found myself mentally reviewing everything and wondering whether I’d missed the signs. Maybe I’d been blind to it, or maybe I was imagining it.
Sarah, however, was more straightforward a situation. She was a smart girl, certainly, and a good looking one, very girl next door — of course literally she was the girl next door. Friendly and approachable, and prone to hugs. She treated me like a brother she never had, almost from day one. Got along with everyone. But those hugs, at some point, became quite different to me, and I was forced to confront he fact that while she had a pretty average face, her real asset was her smoking hot body. For some reason she dressed to hide it in school, but she wasn’t shy around me and Vic, and she had a swimming pool. Toned, nice firm and perky boobs, long legs, and girl abs....who knew that abs were a thing for girls? And then, at her graduation party, her grandma asked (a little too loudly) whether she liked either of those boys. Sarah had shushed her grandma and whispered something to her, and the matter was dropped. But she didn’t make eye contact with me or Vic for the rest of the party. And I think Erin, who I didn’t really know well, noticed.
so yeah. Here I was thinking lusty thoughts about my two closest friends, both of whom would be going away to different schools from me, and I was about to be stuck in a house with them for two weeks, essentially unsupervised. And I was too much of a coward to act on it, not even to figure out if either of them were even interested.
Because I was just little Drew, the shrimp friend. They could do better. Hell, they could do better with each other....
Thoughts like that made me spring wood — hell I was 18, nearly everything makes you spring wood that age — and made for an uncomfortable trip up, so mostly I feigned sleepiness to avoid thinking about it.
See, the other thing I haven’t mentioned yet is that I was below average and skinny, except in one area. I was the proud owner of a slightly above average bait and tackle. Five inches soft, seven and a half when erect, it looked way bigger on my small frame. Fairly big balls too. And that just added to my misery because I felt like a freak.
....
That first night, it was gorgeous out. Not too hot, and we had youth and energy to spare after stuffing our faces with real pizza. We laughed a lot, talked about stupid stuff, shared some hopes and dreams about our future. Erin told some funny stories about her freshman year adventures, and we found ourselves sitting by the fountain at Columbus Circle.
“Hey, we should make a wish,” Erin said. “Everyone has a penny, right?”
“I wish I knew what to wish for,” Vic laughed.
“no, make it a real one,” Sarah said.
“Fine. I wish I could always stay friends with you guys.” He tossed the coin and made a satisfying splash.
“Awww! Now I feel bad. I was gonna wish for a car.” Erin tossed hers.
“Hah. I wish I had bigger boobs, like yours.” Sarah said, and in her coin went.
“what about you, Drew?”
“I wish I were bigger.”
Sploosh.
I’d thought it before, of course. Many times. Being bullied for being the scrawny kid from kindergarten through graduation. At my 17the birthday, I was the second shortest guy in the room, and the skinniest. By the time my 18th hit, it seemed like nothing was going to change. At 5’6” and 124 lbs, I was charitably called “lean”, but let’s face it, I was a scrawny little dude and I knew it. I’d tried eating more, working out, sports, all of it. No luck, not with my crazy metabolism. And it wouldn’t have been so bad had I actually been good at any of it, but I lacked the coordination for sports, and I just couldn’t seem to put on muscle— despite the best efforts of the high school coach who turned me into his pet project senior year. We’d both agreed steroids were out, and my folks were unwilling to consider anything medical. But we put a dent in GNC’s stocks for legal, over the counter stuff.
Anyway. Graduation happened, and I’d turned 18 two days prior. I’d picked a solid, reputable local university, and was ready to enjoy a summer free of other worries. I had a bit of money set aside from my part time job, which was a blessing because the place closed up unexpectedly during the last week of classes. There was little point in busting my ass to get a summer job for two months, and my folks grudgingly agreed to cover my expenses until I went off to school. After all, my scholarships were enough to cover school and expenses, and graduation and birthday gifts gave me some spending money to enjoy the summer.
First item on the agenda: a trip to New York City with my best friends. Two whole weeks, in late June! My friend Sarah had a cousin who had just bought and begun to renovate a house in Hell’s Kitchen, but ran Into some legal and financing issues that kept it from completing. So the plan was we would stay there for a bit, and let the contractors in to finish renovating the first floor, while Sarah’s cousin was away. Accommodations were minimal, but who cared? We planned to bring sleeping bags and air mattresses, and the kitchen was already done.
So it would be Sarah, her sister Erin, my bestie Vic, and me. Vic and I had been friends since pre school, and Sarah was my neighbor. Her sister Erin was a year older, and was ostensibly the grown up. She was on break from a school in New Jersey.
Anyway, me and Sarah and Vic got there by bus, took a Lyft over to the place, and met Erin. We missed Cousin Pete by half an hour due to traffic, but had sorted it all out by phone with him and Erin. We ditched our stuff after getting a quick tour, and then went out for dinner.
Okay, I’m sure you’re wondering when the sexy part starts.
Well, so was I.
See, I had begun to figure out that I like boys...and girls. And I had eyes for my two best friends. Crushes, really, but the sort you have when you have a deep friendship. It had only slid over to connect to lusty thoughts in the last few months. But a combination of fear, unwillingness to screw up friendships, and my own self image issues kept all those feelings locked up inside.
But stray comments overheard at graduation parties had sparked a glimmer of hope. See, Vic is Korean and raised mostly by his aunties. And I heard Auntie Lin expressing concern over Vic’s lack of a girlfriend, and asking her sister if she thought he might be like Vic’s cousin Jun. Of course I never heard a response, but Jun, well, Jun was a hottie and probably part of why I realized I was into boys too. He would be about 23, and had been openly out for two years, and I’d been crushing on him whenever I saw him at Vics place, usually for some big family meal I’d wrangled my way into. He looked like the masculine guy in a K-pop band. and Vic looked like he could be the younger nerdy one.
Until that comment, it had never occurred to me that Vic might not be straight. And I was terrified to broach he topic because we talked about and shared everything BUT our sexual interests with each other. But I loved spending time with him, and all our interests seemed to overlap perfectly. We’d slept over at each others houses since elementary school, had shared gym classes and camping trips...but suddenly I found myself mentally reviewing everything and wondering whether I’d missed the signs. Maybe I’d been blind to it, or maybe I was imagining it.
Sarah, however, was more straightforward a situation. She was a smart girl, certainly, and a good looking one, very girl next door — of course literally she was the girl next door. Friendly and approachable, and prone to hugs. She treated me like a brother she never had, almost from day one. Got along with everyone. But those hugs, at some point, became quite different to me, and I was forced to confront he fact that while she had a pretty average face, her real asset was her smoking hot body. For some reason she dressed to hide it in school, but she wasn’t shy around me and Vic, and she had a swimming pool. Toned, nice firm and perky boobs, long legs, and girl abs....who knew that abs were a thing for girls? And then, at her graduation party, her grandma asked (a little too loudly) whether she liked either of those boys. Sarah had shushed her grandma and whispered something to her, and the matter was dropped. But she didn’t make eye contact with me or Vic for the rest of the party. And I think Erin, who I didn’t really know well, noticed.
so yeah. Here I was thinking lusty thoughts about my two closest friends, both of whom would be going away to different schools from me, and I was about to be stuck in a house with them for two weeks, essentially unsupervised. And I was too much of a coward to act on it, not even to figure out if either of them were even interested.
Because I was just little Drew, the shrimp friend. They could do better. Hell, they could do better with each other....
Thoughts like that made me spring wood — hell I was 18, nearly everything makes you spring wood that age — and made for an uncomfortable trip up, so mostly I feigned sleepiness to avoid thinking about it.
See, the other thing I haven’t mentioned yet is that I was below average and skinny, except in one area. I was the proud owner of a slightly above average bait and tackle. Five inches soft, seven and a half when erect, it looked way bigger on my small frame. Fairly big balls too. And that just added to my misery because I felt like a freak.
....
That first night, it was gorgeous out. Not too hot, and we had youth and energy to spare after stuffing our faces with real pizza. We laughed a lot, talked about stupid stuff, shared some hopes and dreams about our future. Erin told some funny stories about her freshman year adventures, and we found ourselves sitting by the fountain at Columbus Circle.
“Hey, we should make a wish,” Erin said. “Everyone has a penny, right?”
“I wish I knew what to wish for,” Vic laughed.
“no, make it a real one,” Sarah said.
“Fine. I wish I could always stay friends with you guys.” He tossed the coin and made a satisfying splash.
“Awww! Now I feel bad. I was gonna wish for a car.” Erin tossed hers.
“Hah. I wish I had bigger boobs, like yours.” Sarah said, and in her coin went.
“what about you, Drew?”
“I wish I were bigger.”
Sploosh.
