Just friends when there is a strong attraction?

[NotQuite_9x7]

Be careful, I was in the same situation. The attachment and the attraction finally became too strong. It almost destroyed her marriage and now I'll never see her again.

If you don't maintain proper boundaries you will fall. You're only human and can only resist temptation for so long.

 

[B_Nick4444]

Well that is hopeful, Nick!

Wondering tho', if one of them wanted you, and you knew it, would the sublimating and redirecting still work?

actually went through that with one of my guys

once he found out I was gay, his actions made it clear he wanted me to tag him; at that point, I had already accepted him as a straight friend, and since by then I valued the friendship more, and didn't want to jeopardize that, I refrained

we came close to doing the deed, BTW, I went as far as removing his shirt, and nibbling down his back, and tossed him stomach-down on the bed, then left the room ...

 

[the_reverend]

absolutely possible. this pretty much describes the majority of my friendships with the opposite sex. there's attraction and chemistry, but then they don't want to do anything because it might screw up the friendship. honestly, i hear more often than not from my female friends, "why do you have to be such a good friend?" so we flirt and all that, and on occasion (typically involving alcohol, lol), some activity might occur...but for the most part we just put it aside and accept it as a facet of our relationship and they turn their attentions towards hooking up with guys who DON'T listen or make them laugh. lol!

the worst part is usually, years later, when we're hanging out and they're in serious relationships or married or something and ask "why didn't we ever hook up?" it used to fluster me in my younger days...now i just laugh it off and tell them it's their own damn fault.

 

[whatireallywant]

This happened to me once. I was instantly attracted to the guy, then I found out he was married. And, after that, I also found out that he fit all my criteria that I look for! (OK, I don't know about the "hung" part except for hearsay!) I have honestly never found anyone like that before or since.

And yes, it was very difficult for me being that attracted to him to stay platonic friends, but his wife was usually around too, when I was around him, and I was friends with her as well! Not that I would've done anything if she wasn't around though - I'm not a homewrecker regardless of attraction.

I still wish I could've met him before he met his wife, though...

 

[B_625girth]

I am married but I have friendships with several woman, and the relationship is different with almost everyone of them. some examples,(1) the gal is late 20's, very attractive physically, easy going, ambitious, and fun. If I was younger, (i'm late 50's), I would not let her get away from me. I think she is attracted to me and would be more interested in me, if I was not older or married. she has told me she loves me on many occasions, but I think it is a fatherly/ daughter way. I accept the relationship as is and have skillfully hinted at more, but she ignores my subtle advances or just doesn't get them. (2) married gal, slightly younger than myself, good looking still, pissed at her husband for cheating on her 5 yrs ago. I have known her for years and remember her turning my head when I met her 20 yrs ago. we have been friends forever and are very comfortable with each other. she asked me to fuck her awhile back when she decided she was going to pay her husband back. I did not want in the middle of that, and I don't want a divorce. she has twice "probed" my cock with her finger when we have been in a crowded bar scene conversing. she currently is living with an old divorced friend of mine. he is a great guy, and doesn't care that she is still married. (3) gal who is 5 yrs my junior, and the only thing that stopped us from fucking when we met was her age (14) and I did not want jail or the army for statutory rape. she was knock out gorgeous for years, but recently got fat and ugly, but the weight has been coming off. this is a love, hate, friendship cuz i'm married relationship. but she comes to me with her problems, has fewer of them, has lost weight, and shows me, and tells me she loves me, has always loved me, and lets me know that if my marital status ever changes, she wants me looking her up first. (4) great gal, funnier than shit, not ugly, but not pretty, does very little for me physically, but we can sit and talk and make each other laugh like crazy. she pinches me in the butt all the time, tells me she wants my 14 inch cock. I deny that, she says she knows that, she told me I had a rep for being hung and she likes that and my ass, and tells me I'm stupid and can be manipulated easily. this makes us both laugh. I have never met another woman like her. she stimulates my mind more than my body.

overall, I enjoy these relationships, but the one I failed to mention is my wife. there isn't enough space here to write about her.

 

[D_Petherick_Poundlouder]

If its a real, strong attraction - I think it is more like a...pleasure delayer.

 

[D_Farmoure Dickthanyew]

Its possible. Not always easy though. One of my best friends is a beautiful girl, who's actually a model now. Basically it came to the fact that we couldn't drink together anymore, and if we did it had to be a big group of us. Because if it was just the two of us things always went further than they should have and complications arose. But we are still great friends and the attraction is still there on both sides for sure.

 

[biguy2738]

What a lovely topic, L Lynn. THANKS! :smile:

I've had four experiences like this (yup, I look for trouble LOL)

In the first instance, once we admitted that we had fallen in love with each other, all hell broke loose. He is gay but married to a woman (been faithful to her) because of pressure place on him by his parents. My falling for him made me realise that I am bisexual...so there was so much confusion and overwhelming desires that our friendship was destroyed in the process.

The second time, I was at a gay nightclub in Mexico. I met a really great gay guy and we got along like a house on fire. We could see that we stood to become good friends and agreed to get together sometime soon for coffee and a chat. He called me the next day and invited me to spend the day with him. At that point, I was still recovering from a breakup with a guy. He ended up lying on the couch that I was sitting on, his head on my lap and I ended up stroking his hair while he shared about an abusive relationship that he'd gotten out of about a year ago and how he continues to be afraid of men. The connection between us deepened, one thing led to another and it was WOWSER! :biggrin1: We ended up spooning for hours and things between us deepened and deepened. It eventually led to me fleeing from his place because I was able to identify that I was starting to develop feelings for him. We saw each other a couple of days later. I told him that I'm married and bi (but that wifey knows and is kewl with everything)...thing had happened so unexpectedly that I hadn't had an opportunity to tell him. Once again, we ended up being sexually intimate with each other but somehow, once we were basking in the overglow, I had the sense of almost closing a door to any possibility of us being lovers. We've been the best of friends since. We share a deep and almost soul to soul connection that I doubt can ever be broken. Our intimacy brought healing to our lives because a couple of months later, we both entered into relationships with guys. Mine ended a couple of months later but he is still with his man right up till today. We shared about our first experience a couple of months ago and he admitted that he was starting to fall in love with me but read into my fleeing as me sensing it and not wanting to be in a relationship with him. All in all, I love him madly and it's been a privilege to see him open up to love again. All of this went down over a year ago.

I met a great guy in December and once again, there were sparks. He is bisexual and his wife found out by discovering that he had a male lover a couple of years ago. She still doesn't trust him and he literally isn't allowed to have any male friends. I started to develop feelings for him and everything has indicated that the same applied to him (ironically, we were talking about this just yesterday). However, I was not going to take on that drama and I sure as hell wasn't going to be a source of destruction from his life. His wife knows about our friendship because she could see an improvement in him (he was very depressed and close to being suicidal when we first met)....so she's not thrilled about me being in his life, but she is okay with it. We're good friends and I love him dearly, but we will never be lovers and we're okay with it.

I'm currently in my last situation. Much as I was in a very deep and intense relationship with a man...to the point where my wife referred to him as being my "Hubby", we broke up about a month ago. It was necessary because much as things looked WOW on the surface, deep below...there was a lot of destruction taking place. He was sexually abused as a child and last week I realised that I was sexually abused when I was four. Unbeknownst to us, the brokenness that we carried inside ourselves was feeding off each others and that's what made things so destructive. I've just recently met a really lovely guy and we share a deep connection. I've never related with a man like I do with him. As we got to know each other and because we somehow feel compelled to have all of our cards on the table at all times, we admitted that we can soooo easily fall in love with each other. He's admitted some of his desires to me like taking a blanket and for us to lie on backs and stargaze while he listens to me breathe" *clutches pearl necklace and fans himself* LOL

He eventually fell in love with me and we agreed that it would be best to part ways. He admits to not being emotionally mature enough to share me with my wife. My response to his admission was that instead of asking, "How would I be able to share him?" he ought to be asking, "Why the hell should I give all of myself to someone who can only offer me half of his life and heart in return?" He's an incredible man and deserves so much more than I could possibly give him. Between my recent break up and the sexual abuse that I'm dealing with, I'm no position to be in a relationship with anyone right now. So we parted ways. However, we just couldn't cut each other out of our lives...so we've decided to deal with the feelings and be friends. We relate with each other slightly differently, but things are going well. Before anything else, we want friendship and companionship from our "relationship". He's a good influence on my life right now and he loves the idea that his life isn't passing by unnoticed any longer; that there's someone out there who celebrates the fact that he is present in this world.

 

[chevy28360]

My two cents.

I've been in several situations. Every time that one of us admitted to the attraction, disaster inevitably ensued. I don't know your particular situation, but if your job or your relationship with a current partner might fall victim to this attraction, then stay away. Of course you can't shun the person from your life entirely, and you shouldn't if you enjoy each others company. But do not allow yourself to be alone with the person, and, even if it is with a group of friends, don't go to parties or bars with the person if it can be avoided. There is nothing wrong with temptation, we are only human after all. But any act to facilitate your desires is crossing the line. And knowingly entering a situation that could ultimately result in a physical act, and/or an emotional bond, is definitely ASKING for that line to be crossed. Keep the friendship casual, don't text or e-mail on a regular basis, and don't meet up for lunches and drinks. All of these things tend to lead you down different paths that all end up with the two of you connecting physically or emotionally. If you can keep yourself out of these situations, the feelings will fade with time.

Remember, it's your actions that count. And unless you are willing to sacrifice what ever it is that is holding this relationship off, don't put yourself in situations that will set you down that path. Because if you do, no scenario will end with everyone coming out unscathed. At the very least, someone is going to end up hurt. And at this point, every one is innocent. So no one deserves that fate, including yourself.

 

[Singleman8]

Do you think it is possible to become "just a friend" to someone you have an intense, mutual attraction to, but with whom you cannot pursue an intimate relationship with due to other factors? (ie. he's a priest, she's your best friend's girl, it's your boss, one of you is not available, etc.)

And by "intense, mutual attraction," I mean someone you genuinely like as a person AND you know you would have crazy good sex with.

Has anyone be in a situation like this before? How did it turn out?

_________________________________________________________

Trust you gut feeling on the issue-and make sure its mutual for you both

 

[L_Lynn]

I have had this experience a few times before. Once with a priest and the attraction was both strong and mutual. As much as he would try to hide his physical reaction to my presence, it always caught my eye. We avoided each other and I ended up moving away... like 3,000 miles away. Then there have been the married men; I send them back to their wives. Even if they were separated, I sent them away to figure out what they wanted. ("Call me a year after your divorce!") One actually did end up getting divorced and came back to me. Four years later I left him after finding out he had cheated on me with multiple partners during the first year of our relationship. I have managed to step around the flirtations from my gf or bf's parent and the significant other of a good friend.

But this time, this one, has got me good. My head says run away but my feet won't move. The obstacles aren't on my end of it- I'm single, lonely and horny, completely available and willing! What I have to lose is a modicum of self-respect and what I have to gain is most likely a whole lot of heart-ache... and great sex. (Oh God- great sex!!!) I would like to say we can "just be friends" but I don't know that it's possible.

Maybe over time...

 

[Wish-4-8]

It looks like you answered your own question.

 

[L_Lynn]

I was looking for an inspirational true story from someone else since I am malcontent with my own thoughts on the matter.