Just happened - crush on a friend

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pene_Negro_Grande, Feb 19, 2005.

  1. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Okay - weird thing just happen...Normally - I really don't get into friends...And secondly I don't get into guys - don't why on get crushes on women...But lately this one friend of mine - who is this hot 6' asian guy has been on my mind...I mean he might be the only guy that I hang out alot that seems very similar to me - I mean we have been hanging out for almost a year and it seems like are sneaking around because (straight guys are just as catty as women sometimes - we are all models or former models and I was really good friends w/his former roommate first - and the former roommate thinks it is weird that I hang out w/this guy more than him)...So we make sure we come separately and seem like we just meet up especially since we hang in the same social circles...My problem is lately I have been getting weird vibes or feelings for the asian guy - I mean he seems to know me and is most like me - he even told me when he asked about my sexuality and I told him I was straight - that it is very hard to tell but I got a little gay in me and it just has not come out yet (personally I thought he was just hitting on me)...I told him may 90 hetro/10 gay which is funny because that way before I knew about LPSG...I mean we spend a lot of time together and I get mixed signals I think...I mean he is jealous and makes comments when I hang out w/other good looking male friends of mine (who are models too) - especially my best friend and a lot of times when we are out and he gets really fucked up - he likes to lay his head in my lap or lay on me...And he always tells me that he only likes to go out w/me and we go out together alot...Problem - he says he is straight but everyone thinks he is gay (his style and look) and his new roommate is a gay hair stylist ( so he is very gay friendly) - I mean he is very close w/his roommate and he has invited me to gay bars w/them...And he has a girlfriend (LA based model and we live on the East coast) who he loves to death - I mean I wish I find unconditional love like that - I mean he is hot and girls throw themselves on him and he tells them no - he is in love w/his girlfriend who lives 100's of miles away...Definitely a great guy...But before - never really thought of him in a sexual or attraction way - just cool to have someone to hang out with...Crazy thing is that he does not handle alcohol well and he got very drunk tonight and kept laying on me and kind of hugging on to me and I do take care of him when he gets too drunk - but for some reason I got a different vibe from him - I felt something more...I just moved to this incredilble loft 2 days ago and he came over tonight and because he is having problems w/his current roommate - he asked to move in...I actually have a roommate who is cool w/him (the asian guy hooked my roommate w/his current girlfriend) and said it was cool...Now it is gonna get weird - personally think my roommate kind of had a slight crush on me (another model) - he is always trying to walk in on me when I am changing and use to insist that I go home w/him in a cab when we get drunk - and he is straight too...Ok and I never really thought about dick sizes until I found this forum - but my current roommate who is 6'1'' blond Italian - has the biggest cock I have seen in person - I mean his is British thin w/a monster long and extremely thick cock...I really felt sorry for his girlfriend who is 23 and a virgin before she met him - they finally had sex after dating 4 or 5 months...I know he has purposely shown me his cock - a couple of times when we did shows together or taking a piss outside of a club late at night and he turns directly towards me while he is pissing and talking to me...My dilema still is that I consider myself straight but having feeling for the asian guy - I mean I am on here right now typing and he is in the bed next to me in our office/guest bed room (just moved and haven't set my computer up yet)...I don't want to act foolishly but I think there are some sparks between us - I mean we can just have a good time w/just the two of us hanging out at one of our places...And I could have definitely took advantage of the situation since he is drunk since he was kind of on me - but not my style...But he does have girlfriend who is 30 and he is 23 and she is very hot too...But there are times when he get close to my face or grab on to me that make me feel weird inside...Sorry for the long post but I am drunk as hell - and who knows I may feel totally different when I sober up...Oh yeah - and that stereotype about asian guy's package size being small - I definitely don't believe that because my asian friend is kind of packing...Okay - another reason I think he kind of have feeling for me is recently I have been hanging out w/this other 6'2'' asian (former model but now restaurteur) - and he totally gets mad and call the guy unattractive (why is not the case - and he says that about my best friend - who is very good looking - natural bleach blond model)...Again my problem is I am starting to like my asian friend and don't know how to handle it - normally I am pretty good w/my feeling and know how to deal w/situations - but I never get into guys...I want to tell him how I feel - and I know he would totally be cool w/it (even if he was not really interested) but I can't do it...We totally identified and hung out as hetrosexual friends and I would not want to cross the line and ruin a great friend but there is something there - I mean I told him I was going to Vegas for another friends batchelor party and he got a flight too to hang out w/me...Funny - my best friend and him are so jealous of each other and talk about each other - I mean the asian guy would not even go out w/my best friend and I last weekend ( I have written a post about my best friend issues) and they really have nothing against each other...But help LPSG - don't know what to do - I think I am a little late blooming w/these type of feeling for a guy (I am going to be 27 next month)...What should I do or would you do - like I said I might be sober tomorrow and feel like an arse when I read this - hope not...
     
  2. SomeGuyOverThere

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    You said you thought he would be cool with itif you told him.

    So, tell him.

    I think is better to get that type of thing out, rather than scheme and experiment and test the waters, just come out with it if you thinkhe will handle it well.

    And, even though I allways read your posts and find them interesting, can I make a small request? Can you split them up into paragraphs?

    It just makes them easier to read, and more difficult to loose place.
     
  3. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

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    PNG,
    I really think you have answered your own questions through the act of writing this.

    It seems to me that while you thought that you were 100% straight you've moved along the line a bit( it's not just this post: reread what you have posted over the last month or so)

    Just go slowly and do what is comfortable for you and your partner at the time. And what do stereotypes have to do with reality?

    Age has nothing to with it: why should it? People are mostly flexible and do change over time in all sorts of ways. You at 26 nearly 27 are just finding that you are a little more complex than you may have thought you were.

    All the best,
    zzorus
     
  4. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Ok - not a bit more sober...Yeah sorry about the long run on post - I was really drunk...I am sure you guys are right but I might have to sit on this for a little longer...I mean I am sure there might be something on his part - but right now I think he just appreciates the friendship - he is not very trusting of a lot of people and I think I help him relax and be more receptive to people since I am overly social...I am still a bit confused over the situation...I may wait until we take this trip out of town - but will be hard since we will be w/15 other guys...
     
  5. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    awww..its cute really. Go for it and tell him. You dont really sound like a guy who is too shy.

    And dont have a need to label yourself..go with your gut, do what you feel. As we've said many times here, nobody is totally gay or straight, and in theory we could all go either way.

    And, it doesn't really matter how he looks at the relationship..you clearly like him (more than friends) and therefore, you should tell him.
     
  6. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah I know I should tell him but still having reservations - this will be the first time I have ever done anything like that - I am nervous...He is just so damn cute...I am sure I will grow some balls and tell him soon...We are going out tonight together - now I feel weird about that too - because feels like more than just the guys hanging out and we will be w/a particular lady friend of mine and I will be more into him than her...It really sucks I see to have an attraction for a guy and a girl...A little overwhelming - since I am not the type to try to balance multiple people - done that before w/2 girls and it was just too exhausting and you always get caught...
     
  7. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    From reading it closley though..this definetley seems like it could work. And he definetley seems to like you (more than friends) He is comfortable with the gay thing, you are friends...so it comes together and makes a lot of sense to tell him.

    but take your time..dont rush it, do it when you are comfortable and you feel its the right time. You guys are alone and just bring something up.
     
  8. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Then another problem - think I have been getting vibes from another straight guy...I mean maybe I am confusing things...I mean maybe I am mistaking kindness as something else because I think we guys can be insensitive and jerks but the straight guys I have been meeting lately are very cool, sensitive and genuinely great people...This new friend (another formal model) - a very hot red head - always calls me to hang out and grab a drink and party...I think the second night I met him - we hung out together till 8am and I ended up asleep on his couch...This guy has the body of an adonis (he use to do a lot of fitness modeling) and is 6'4'' and can light up the room w/his smile which he does quite often...I finally met his girlfriend last night - found her very cool (she is a fox tv reporter)...She told me that she has heard alot about me and is glad that I am a guy and not a girl because she would have been worried...And he and my crush actually get along very well - I mean my crush actually knew him before - they have done a shoot together a couple of years ago and he told me that the redhead guy probably is the nicest person he has ever met and we should definitely hang out...Weird I seem to attract straight guys who want to hang out a lot - I mean I just looked at my cell phone and I got like 13 missed calls already this morning...And it doesn't help that 2 days ago I moved to a very gay friendly area of the city...Went into the local LA Fitness here - and felt like fresh meat - now I can relate to how women feel sometimes...Never seen that many men in a gym (I mean I saw like 2 women there and it was like 6pm when everyone was there)...To me - gay guys don't hold back - they let you know when they are interested...
     
  9. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    yeah, it really is hard to pick up the signs. If someone is just being "friendly" or if they are interested in more. That is why we gotta ask. (as hard it is)

    A crush would suggest that you were abit nervous and uncomfortable when u are with him?

    I think though you'll know deep down when the right time to say or do something is.

    In general though, you gotta spend as much time as possible in people you are interested in and if something is meant to happen, it will. And it gives you a chance to open up.

    When you are asking if he wants to go out, say "I wanted it to be just you and me" it will send him just enough of a signal, but not all the way.
     
  10. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    oh, and lucky you.. getting to hang with all these models..if you weren't gay at all to start, be pretty hard not to get some attraction with models around u.
     
  11. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah I know I am lucky...Actually when I met this guy - wasn't really into him like a crush...Like I said - I really didn't think I was into guys - especially in a relationship type...We have been hanging out a lot over the 9 or 10 months - and just recently the strange feeling started to kick in...I just took him back to his car and this guy even looks great when he wakes up w/bed head - I mean he wears his hair in that messy spikey look...And like I said I do hang out w/a lot of guys - but I consider them my boys and never anything sexual (just lately w/this guy and maybe a new guy I met recently) - so I pretty much only hang w/straight guys and women so that is the problem I am having w/telling him...Like I said when we first met and hung out he asked his roommate and then myself if I was gay and I said no (I really didn't consider myself then or now - gay) but he did give me a in there but I did say maybe 10% - but now I think he doesn't remember that because we were pretty wasted at the time...I will keep you guys updated though...Who knows - we are going out tonight but like I said I have a girl I am kind of casually seeing who will be w/us - she loves him too death too - but most girls do - he is pretty hot...
     
  12. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Funny thing is that I use to be really homophobic - I mean in the business I was in I got hit on a lot by gay guys and it use to kind of freak me out - I am from a small town and island originally...But now seems like a whole new world is opening up...Definitely not that way anymore - and it took some cool folks and this forum to help w/that...
     
  13. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    And gay guys usually hate me because I can be kind of a tease w/that...I mean the few encounter I have had w/guys (maybe 5 or 6) in the last 5yrs - I can do the kissing and heavy petting and even oral stuff but not into actual sex w/a guy and all these guys wanted me to have sex w/them and I usually find some way to get out of it and these guys get pissed...I mean one guy actually had called a cab for me and kind of rushed me out and one guy tried to get a little rough w/me...So there is another problem - somewhat of an attraction for guys but love to have sex w/women...So in the end I don't know if anything could work between me and my crush - especially if he was into me and he wanted more...
     
  14. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah - he is definitely cool w/the gay stuff - I mean his roommate is a gay hairstylist (that is why is hair is always on point)...I think I would have more issues w/the gay thing...I think I am a little old to be this confused...He actually told me that his roommate said he thought he heard him having really loud sex w/a guy...I almost asked was he and my crush wasn't - he leaves - Japanese animation on all night loud...
     
  15. woskxn

    woskxn New Member

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    Yeah, the great thing about life is we dont have to do anything we dont want.

    If you feel comfortable doing only certain things, let him know that beforehand. Really though, over time, you might start feeling like doing more. Maybe you might want to fuck him, but dont enjoy receiving, or whatever. Thats ok, guys that say they are fully gay, some dont enjoy receiving, but they love giving, some just like to take, and others are both.

    As a gay guy though, let me tell you something. Just because you have the thought that you would not like it, it does not mean at all that you would not enjoy it. For me, when I watched porn, anal sex would turn me on, but when I actually thought of receiving it myself, it was abit weird..and I thought it hurt, etc. (and I am probably more bottom/versatile, than a top guy)
    Well, the fact is, once you go through with it, that is not the case, you actually enjoy it just how you thought it out.

    So, I say that, to make you think. Try it once with a guy you care about. If you do it with a good friend, and someone you care about, you can be sure that wont happen. (guys getting pissed) They will be understanding if you dont want to go further. They will make it comfortable too if you do want to go further.

    Forget about putting yourself into categories and enjoy yourself. THe experiences will tell you a lot more about yourself. It will eventually allow you to settle down since you have experienced so much and gives you an idea what you want.
     
  16. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Well the first I guy that I kind of hooked up with - a gay model...We did try the anal thing - with me trying to fuck him...I really didn't like it at all and was totally kind of disgusted - I mean I don't even like anal w/women...I have slight phobias about cleanliness and the arse fucking does not do it for me - even though I really enjoy watching it a bit...But it took way too long to even manuever it to get it in and then I was not into it at all - I just wanted to go home and take a shower (and definitely used a condom)...The guy was ready for round 2 and I was like I got to go...I admit - I was totally curious about how far I would take it...
     
  17. zzorus

    zzorus New Member

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    I f you didn't like it, don't do it! There are lots of other things you can try.
     
  18. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Okay like i said is was one of first guys I hook up with...I did try to fuck and eventually it worked but I was really turnoff by me after what was said...
     
  19. jonb

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    Yeah, if anal is so common in gay porn, it's because porn's a business and therefore creativity is at a minimum.
     
  20. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    You would think so - I mean guys who like guys want to have sex w/them...Just not my cup of tea at this point in my life...I am just into intercourse w/women when it comes to sex but definitely can see a intimate side when I am w/a male...And it has nothing to do w/me thinking that I am gay or something and that is why I am not into the sex thing w/guys...I am just weird like that and that is another reason I don't tend to label my sexaulity...But I haven't even conquered my relationship problems w/women - so why even complicate it w/a relationship w/a guy...I don't mean to offend anybody so hopefully you folks know what I am trying to say...I mean I love to see love - man/woman, woman/woman, man/man...If more people were like some of the folks I have conversed w/on here - the world would be a more safe, compassionate and supportive world...But most who know me - know I am a most least judgemental person - but it took time and understanding of myself and some of you guys to get to this point of my life - and I can honestly say I like myself...I may not be completely satisfied in my life - but I do like Malachi (me)...
     
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