Just how big is Pumperthumper

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Pumperthumper, Nov 10, 2006.

  1. Pumperthumper

    Pumperthumper New Member

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    I've received quite a lot of private messages already with inquiries about the size of my humongous penis. I would put it into numbers for you, but such numbers defy our ability to comprehend them, such as a light year or the amount of years that have passed since the dinosaurs.

    I think explaining my size is best done using terminology from gnostic literature. If you "know" the size of my penis then you have measured it, but you can't actually measure it without "knowing" it. I'll have to do this in a roundabout way, but it's the only way to enlightenment regarding the size of my illustrious and magnificent penis.

    My penis can't be contained.
    My penis has an event horizon, much like a super massive stellar object.
    My penis can defeat Chuck Norris in unarmed combat.
    My penis is so gigantic and wonderful that I don't consider it strictly "mine," for to possess it is to have dominion over it, and to have dominion over such a thing would defy elementary logic.
    My penis is the light, yet it casts perhaps the largest shadow in the known universe.
    My penis, if truly comprehended, is a powerful insight into the Truth of the Word. My penis can wear the rings of Saturn as a cock ring, provided the rings of Saturn are stretched to the appropriate circumference, at which point the rings cease to exist.
    Truly, to contemplate my penis is to be one of the three blind men touching and describing the elephant.
     
  2. DutchBiged

    DutchBiged New Member

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    You very clearly demonstrate how close "all" is related to "nothing"..
    But it's good to think that in spite the unmeaserable size of it, there will allways be a black hole to fit it...
     
  3. shanehall

    shanehall New Member

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  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Yours is sort of like mine, Pumperthumper. It's as infinite as the universe: just when you think you must have reached the end of it there's still more penis as far as the eye can see.
     
  5. Pumperthumper

    Pumperthumper New Member

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    As the Kingdom is here, so too is my penis. It would be a sight to behold if such a sight could indeed be beheld by our limited mortal perception.
     
  6. Pumperthumper

    Pumperthumper New Member

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    Sometimes I marvel at how we're all part of one great cosmic penis, fucking the nothing into eternity.
     
  7. DutchBiged

    DutchBiged New Member

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    Damn.. I wish my english was good enough to write what I have to say...
     
  8. dags

    dags New Member

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    Good Lord! You guys are too much LOL! Thanks, I needed some levity today.
     
  9. reallyhot

    Gold Member

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    Inspired to burst into song::smile:

    Mac Davis - Oh Lord It`s Hard To Be Humble Lyrics*gay version
    (ok I altered it a little for ya!)

    Oh Lord it's hard to be humblewhen you're perfect in every way.I can't wait to look in the mirrorcause I get better loking each day.To know me is to love meI must be a hell of a man.Oh Lord it's hard to be humblebut I'm doing the best that I can.I used to have a boylfriendbut he just couldn't competewith all of these love starved menwho keep clamoring at my feet.Well I prob'ly could find me anotherbut I guess they're all in awe of me.Who cares, I never get lonesomecause I treasure my own company.Oh Lord it's hard to be humblewhen you're perfect in every way,I can't wait to look in the mirrorcause I get better looking each dayTo know me is to love meI must be a hell of a man.Oh Lord it's hard to be humblebut I'm doing the best that I can.I guess you could say I'm a loner,a cowboy outlaw tough and proud.I could have lots of friends if I want tobut then I wouldn't stand out from the crowd.Some folks say that I'm egotistical.Hell, I don't even know what that means.I guess it has something to do with the way that Ifill out my skin tight blue jeans.Oh Lord it's hard to be humblewhen you're perfect in every way,I can't wait to look in the mirrorcause I get better looking each dayTo know me is to love meI must be a hell of a man.Oh Lord it's hard to be humblebut I'm doing the best that I can.We're doing the best that we can
     
  10. fortiesfun

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    This is my nomination for the least likely combination of words one ever expects to encounter.
     
  11. Lordpendragon

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    Queen Elizabeth wishes to rededicate Nelson's Column to my manhood, unfortunately there isn't a quarry big enough to add my balls.
     
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