I hardly ever post here, but I feel this is the best place to vent to... Me and a guy that used to go to my highschool became really close friends. I was a sophomore, he was a senior. I am now a senior in highschool and he is a sophomore in college. We started randomly talking one day, then it turned to lets hang out some time...and before I knew it, he was my best friend. It was the strongest friendship I have ever had with anyone. We talked all the time, could tell eachother anything, and hung out quite a bit as well. This might be me wishful thinking, so bear with me. At the time, it didn't seem like a 'just friends' sort of thing to me. He is notorious for being extremely pervy and horny all the time with women, and he would occasionally ask me to come over to his house while no one was there. To my dismay, nothing ever happened. It ended up being us just hanging out watching tv blah blah. It got more intense however when he started asking me if he can come to my house while my family is home and kind of hang around my family some since I was around his often. I didn't think much of it. On a specific occasion, we had made plans to hang out, but at the last minute I discovered I had to run into work for three hours. He freaked out on me, got all pissed off saying I ditched him and really wanted to hang out. This isn't the typical behavior of two male friends in my small town. I'm sure this sounds confusing to everyone, but the thing about it is is that I am in love with him, have been from the start. We hardly talk at all any more since he went away to school, but everytime I see him or his name I get butterflies and I still think about him every single day. This wishful thinking about his odd close behaviors with me has me thinking maybe it was more to him as well. I never brought it up, never mentioned being gay, never mentioned any closer relationship than my best friend, but I'm wondering if maybe he didnt feel some sort of closer connection to me than I thought he did. I dont know what to do It's pretty much blown now, but if I could only go back in time and pick up signs and find out what he really thought, and get into some more of a relationship than friends, be it hooking up or what not, I'd do it in a heartbeat. This is so hard.