Keeping new relationship casual

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by NYHoti, Nov 28, 2011.

  1. NYHoti

    NYHoti Member

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    I need some opinions / advice.
    I am dating this woman for about a month and she wants our relationship to get serious quick. She is really nice, sweet and attractive. We have talked about how I do not want to rush into anything serious and she says she is cool with that but she is always calling, texting and wanting me to meet her friends and family. I do like her but I just got out of a 12 year relationship and I need to be single for awhile. I don't want to be mean but what can I do to reinforce I want this to remain casual? So I would like some opinions as to what I should do from men and women. Thanks.
     
  2. matelalique

    matelalique Active Member

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    I would suggest fucking someone else, and telling her that you did it. The message would be sent. If you don't want to do that, you might want to question whether you actually want to be single.

    At face value, your post suggests that you don't know how to be single, and you've just entered your next 12-year relationship. If that's not what you want - end it and tell her that if she's still single in 6 months, maybe you should try again. If it's really her you don't like, then end it.

    If you want to try being single, go and be single, but this woman's reaction should tell you something about the way you have gone about trying to be single. She reads "wants to be married", and she is behaving accordingly.
     
  3. dolfette

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    find another girl.

    she's obviously not the casual fling type.
     
  4. DavidXL

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    If you're just getting out of a 12 year relationship, I don't think you should be dating at all. You need to find out who you are and what you want from your next relationship. It sounds like this woman wants a relationship right now, and it sounds like you are both in a different place and want different things. I like Metaelique's advice to break it off and tell her you'll call her in 6 months.
     
  5. NYHoti

    NYHoti Member

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    Thank you for your replies. You all confirmed what I was thinking. I even had used the same wording about being in different places in speaking to her. I have a habit of getting sucked into a relationship, thats how the last one started. I just don't want to hurt her because if I was looking for a serious relationship, she would be the type. I like the idea of waiting the 6 months (maybe meet on top of the Empire State Bldg - aka An Affair to Remember).
    Thanks again. If anyone else wants to chime in, I would appreciate it.
     
  6. DavidXL

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    That sounds very romantic - in the movies. But, I think it would add too much pressure to a new relationship and suggests a degree of involvement that might be premature with someone you are just starting to get to know. IMHO.

    Best of luck with everything. I like how you recognize the importance of taking a break and recognizing you need to take some time for yourself.
     
  7. NYHoti

    NYHoti Member

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    Thanks DavidXL. The Empire State Bldg thing was a joke. And thank you to all who gave their input. I will be talking with her, again, and let her know that at this time it is best if we don't see each other. I am the type of person who likes to please others and I could really see if I continue to hang out with her next thing I know is that she will be planning a wedding and picking out baby names. She is a great woman but just not for me at this time. THe thing that kills me is that I was upfront with her about me being bi and she is ok with it. I hope when the time comes that I will find another woman who is as understanding.
     
  8. molotovmuffin

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    You've already entered a relationship with her when you asked her out for a second date. If you want to be single that means "single" not dating.

    If you want to date several at one time then you need to tell each one at the start that is what you are going to do.
     
  9. NYHoti

    NYHoti Member

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    Molotovmuffin, yes you are correct about it being a relationship but there are different kinds of relationships. And I made it clear to her that I wanted our relationship to remain casual. She says she understood but her actions say otherwise. I just want to be as honest as possible without hurting anybody. I don't want her getting serious about me because, at this point, I can't give her what it is that she wants. And I told her that. If things could remain casual between her and I then if she meet a guy who wanted the whole marriage and child thing, she could persue that with him. But if she buts everything into a relationship with me, she could be missing out on detting what she really wants with someone else.
     
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