Keeping Romance Alive in Your Relationship

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Kitten_Kaboodle, Feb 11, 2012.

  1. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

    D_Kitten_Kaboodle Account Disabled

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    Seeing that Valentine's Day is among us... I got to thinking we could all share some advice, based on our experiences.

    Relationships are difficult things to maintain. Loving and romance does not necessarily come "natural" in all relationships. Romance, in particular, usually takes work, time and energy; but the rewards are well worth the effort.

    Having been in a very long term relationship that has had it's ups and downs, I realize that through it all, the love and romance has always been there. Sometimes it may have been just a small spark, other times a roaring flame.

    What are some things you do that keep your romance alive in your relationship?


    I will start with 5 things I've learned:

    1. Set a "date night". Ours is usually on Friday night, and we don't always get to have a special date. But it is important and we do try to have at least 2 a month. You don't have to spend a lot of money. Looking forward to "date night" puts excitement in our life. We dress up, flirt, and have fun, just the two of us.

    We have always done this, even when our child was small.

    2. Communicate - talking to each other about the day's events, actually listening and laughing about the funny things that happened. Remembering to laugh along the way is important. But also important, is talking about serious matters, issues that could cause problems if not addressed.

    We have, through the years, discussed very serious issues over diinner.... out.. in a quiet restaurant. You might ask why? Because in a public setting, we cannot (1) raise our voices at each other (2) lose our composure and (3) forget to stay focused on the issue rather than finding blame. It works for us. I dare say it would work for everyone, though. And don't forget those very powerful words, "I love you"....(if, of course, you really mean it.) :smile:

    3. Don't forget the power of "touching" - holding hands, sweet, short kisses, a pat on the arm, ass, back, etc. And my favorite, hugging. Hugs, to me, are energizing and positive. Spontaneity is fun, and touching is powerful. It doesn't have to lead to sex... and many times really shouldn't. Just a simply act to show your love for your partner.

    4. Spend time together. Even if it's just sitting together watching a movie. Realize that you can't really communicate, touch, or show expressions of love if you are not spending time together. Do things you both enjoy: Going to the gym together, shopping for groceries together (this can be fun as well as funny), go for a walk together, whatever the activity is, it's more fun when shared (if you both enjoy it.)

    However, don't neglect the need for independence as well. We all need "alone" time. Some need it more than others. Knowing your partner, you will know when they need to be alone. This is not something to be upset or hurt over. Everyone is uniquely different. By getting to now your partner, you will know when they need to be alone.

    5. Remember what made you love them in the first place. Remember, when you first fell in love, you only saw the best about the person and focused on how wonderful they were. If you want the romance to sizzle, do that again.
     
  2. Hoss

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    Very good ideas!:smile::veryhappy: So good that I must give you a quick kiss:kiss:

    Only thing I would add would be the regular exchange of high end chocolate.....I can't see me lasting in a relationship without that.
     
  3. Phil Ayesho

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    Good advice, especially that last one.
    We tend to take for granted everything we looked so long for in our mate, once it becomes our daily expectation. And the thing about our mate that changes most, is how we have decided to look at them.


    Also...
    try re-defining romance.

    for example... I used to work in a studio in my backyard... long hours as a self employed artist... and when the sun would go down, I would close up the studio and walk across the yard, bone tired, heading in for dinner... there was this moment, every evening, when I would see thru the back door, into the kitchen, where my wife was working just as hard as I, cooking dinner for our family... our two children toddling around underfoot....

    I would stop every night for a moment and watch thru the back door... and feel that this was the most romantic thing in the world... My wife preparing food for our family... My having worked hard all day to support us all... pulling together to build a future.

    Romance is in the small things... but the secret is to make sure your mate knows how much you appreciate the smallest things. Not so much the fancy dinner, and the dancing... but the fact that she pre-heats your cup, so your morning coffee will stay warmer, longer.

    Treat each other, always, with gentility and with grace.
    Strive to remain attractive to your mate, in both your appearance and your conduct.

    When two people can both so conspire... that is when love and regard for each other endures.
     
  4. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    So true, thank you Phil for your addition .... the small things are what really count...

    And HOSS... I'm right there with ya on the Chocolates!!! (My hubby gives me chocolates on V Day... He says this is the day for indulgences and pampering) Usually I get chocolates and spa certificates. :smile:
     
  5. erratic

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    Great points! I think touch, communication, and making time for each other are key. Not time together like visiting relatives, but actual time together. Time for dates, walking down the street hand-in-hand with nowhere to go, time for sex with lots of eye contact, holding each other and staring at the stars. Time that reminds you why you are the most important people in the world.
     
  6. avg_joe

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    Darn, OP sounds like someone from my communication class. LMAO !!!
     
  7. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    I wish I was in your communication class.... you'd know it if I was :biggrin1:
     
  8. Ohioguy

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    Don't go to bed angry & always tell your spouse/significant other that you love them.
     
  9. 1958ST

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    Even if you have fussed during the day always get into the same bed at night. don't wear night clothes it will remind you that there can be nothing that separates you. In fact it can remind you that you belong to each other.

    Love is not so much as emotion as getting turned on is. It is an act of will, a decision about life that you reaffirm each day, until one day one,two, five, ten years along the way you really can't picture yourself loving anyone else...

    we have been together over 30 years. Happy Valentines.
     
  10. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    congratulations 1958... I know how you feel... I love growing older with my husband. :smile:
     
  11. nudeyorker

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    All very good points. The only thing I'll add is... do some small or sometimes not so small gestures like when you first met. Surprise them with flowers out of the blue. Meet them after work and go out for a romantic dinner. Send them a love note in the mail. When we first met I was commuting between LA and NY every two weeks or so; our first year was catch as catch can so me made the most of the precious and few moments we had together. These nice little surprise gestures that catch you off guard are nice reminders and help carry you to new places sometimes.
    Tomorrow I'm surprising him by taking us out to breakfast and then to the top of The Empire State Building and then a massage at a spa and I have a special dinner and evening of activities planned.
     
  12. Thirdlegproduction

    Thirdlegproduction Formerly WhiteMonst3r
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    I have tried, but I think you can have all the advice in the world and it won't matter unless it's a two way street.

    I like the idea of discussing important or delicate things during dinner in a public setting as I can be confronting and it doesn't have the effect I desire, namely to just focus on the subject.
     
  13. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    absolutely right about it being two way....


    and we've has some very major life changing discussions over dinner (that sometimes was never touched) and looking back it really did help us remain calm and focused... Neither one of us are very loud people anyway ... so whispering and talking privately is not an issue with us. And we always walk back to the car arm in arm ... And after all these years, he's especially courteous about opening my car door and kissing me as I get in the car. (It's the little things...)
     
  14. D_Kitten_Kaboodle

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    oooohhh you are a true romantic :) (you remind me of my husband)

    your partner is a lucky guy~
     
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