Kept From a Dying Partner’s Bedside

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, May 18, 2009.

  1. Principessa

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    This has to stop! :angryfire2: No one should have to die alone.


    Kept From a Dying Partner’s Bedside

    What if you are estranged from your family and the thought of having your butthead brother or bi-polar mom crying over you as you take your last breaths is enough to make you want to die?

    What happens if the trauma staff are homophobic regardless of the law or creating living wills, advanced directives and power-of-attorney documents


    I don't understand why these legal documents were ignored! :confused: This couple did everything right to prevent this from happening and in the end they still got screwed. :angryfire2: :irked:
     
  2. nudeyorker

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    I have to do some research on this before I comment. I feel there are some important facts not being reported here. I have been at the bedside at the end of life of a partner, family members and good friends without an issue or question of who I am.
     
  3. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    The lesson is, never die in a hospital. This is where a living will is a good thing. If death seems imminent, then back home you go to die peacefully in your own bed.

    When my grandfather died he was in a coma for a week prior, hooked up to machines and IVs and all kinds of crap. The few times he awoke the only thing he said was that he wanted to go home. I begged my mother and uncle (his children) to have him brought home where he could die in peace as he wanted. All I was told was that it wasn't a good idea and that he needed to be in ICU. This despite the fact that he knew he was dying and so did my mother and uncle. I thought it was horrible and so what if moving him would have shortened his time from days to hours? He'd be home, in his own bed, comfortable, with my grandmother there, surrounded by people he loved. He wanted to go that way, coma or no.

    I can't think about it without getting teary-eyed.

    Hospitals are horrid places to die. I pray I don't die in one.
     
  4. MovingForward

    MovingForward Member

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    I had a similar experience, however living in San Francisco i guess it was a little bit better. they needed proof that my partner and I were domestic partners because I needed to make decisions for his care, as he was not able to do so due to the state he was in. My Domestic Partnership certificate is not something I carry with me all the time. So it made me wonder with straight couples, do they ask them the same. Prove that you are married?
     
  5. MalakingTiti

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    If that's the rules of the establishment what the fuck can ya do. A lawsuit is stupid because in my opinion, as heart wrenching as it is, such a suit is most likely a loser.

    Can she prove negligence? Not likely. Was there malice? Doubtful since I am sure the rule is applied across the board. What are the damages? I don't know all the details here either but unless there is some earth shattering detail that's been left out, I can't come up with any tangible damages that are recoverable. I wouldn't take the case I can tell you that much.
     
    #5 MalakingTiti, May 18, 2009
    Last edited: May 18, 2009
  6. matt121matt121

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    LIke someone else said It would be good to have some more facts before commenting on the case specifically, but I wanted to comment on what one of the other posters responded with.


    Do they make straight couples prove that they are married before they are given the power to make medical decisions?

    This is a really good question I believe since with the current divorce rate and everything, and I know that more and more heterosexual couples are choosing to not go with a standard legal marriage for a multitude of reasons.

    This is also good to know that we will be forced to prove these things, so in case your out of town with a partner you know to always have copies of these documents with you (like wallet size).

    I know that right now I wouldn't want my father making any medical decisions for me even though he's "family", and I'm sure lots of people have many reason why they would and would not want people making medical decisions for them, and I would definitely rather be surrounded by friends if I were dying in a hospital than certain members of my family.
     
  7. Principessa

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    True, but you live in New York, not Florida. New York allows gay couples to adopt and Florida doesn't. I'm just saying it's a whole different world south of Philadelphia. :cool:


    LOL Oh Please! You'll probably die at 101 on the downstroke in your hot, twink lover. He will be so distraught over your passing he will have to take a semester off from college. :cool: :biggrin1:

    Good question.:confused: Especially since many women don't take the grooms last name anymore.
     
  8. D_Tina_Ciao

    D_Tina_Ciao Account Disabled

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    Tragic - no one should be kept from love offered by loved ones as they die, no one.
     
  9. D_Mylor Mentallydaft

    D_Mylor Mentallydaft Account Disabled

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    my opnion always shocks people when they see me and hear me say it, and alot disagree calmly or harshly. It's just as foolish to call some one wrong for hating a gay man for being gay as it is for the idiot to call you a niggerlover or a pink-o or sissylover, opnions are opnions. And politics are politics and they make the laws.

    but a human being dying like that is something no one on earth who ain't getting paid a quarter mill a year should see, trust me..........and that's got nothing to do with the law, and everything to do with right and wrong. Some times in this country the ones who fight for it or run it, do what they do because they believe its worth fighting for, but unfortunanly MOST of the time its done by people afraid it'll change, and they won't be able to control it anymore. thats life in the civilized world kids, man dies begging for the person he loves 20 feet away, and a rule written to protect millionaire doctors kept them apart just cause they had the same hardware. and thats here, where we got it better than any one!

    i don't want a gay man hitting on me, don't wanna see or hear what they do and honestly don't want em in my shower..... but i'd be damned if i had stood by and let THAT happen infront of me.
     
    #9 D_Mylor Mentallydaft, May 18, 2009
    Last edited: May 18, 2009
  10. Dr. Algonquin

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    In think in situations like this the point of the lawsuit is to get the word out and get people at large to weigh in on it. It's a way to show the institution that there are a lot of people unhappy with the policy and hopefully get them to change. If you just take it in stride they'd never have a reason to reconsider their stance. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.
     
  11. MalakingTiti

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    I think a press blitz shaming them publicly for such a cold blooded policy would go further toward making them re-examine their position than a lawsuit. I agreed that a lawsuit would shed light on the issue, but unless someone's rights or the law is violated, there is notthing that the court can do. This is why civil unions and/or same sex marriage rights are so important. Until the state recognizes a person's right to love whomever they choose, and enter into a legal marriage contract with that person, policies like this will continue with little or no recourse for those adversely effected by them.
     
  12. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    That isn't fair indeed
     
  13. SpeedoMike

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    this is the reason why a healthcare directive is absolutely necessary. it allows a person to legally designate who can make healthcare decisions when the patient is unable to do so. make sure your doctor has a copy AND that family is aware the doctor has it. if a HMO member, make certain it is part of your chart.

    bitch and cry all you want but the law doesn't care. doctors and hospitals have to follow it. however, there is already legal means to handle this issue. don't execute such a document and your ex-wife or estranged family member can step in and take over. it also means they will be able to plan your funeral.

    BTW, take a copy with you when traveling.
     
  14. B_theOtherJJ

    B_theOtherJJ New Member

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    It happened to me , sorta. My partner of 22 yrs took ill suddenly and was admitted to a hospital where he passed away within a week. Although I was at his bedside, (when his parents werent there), I had absolutley NO say in his treatment or care, and was not given any information by the doctors, as that was only the priviledge of blood relatives. It makes you feel Helpless, and puts life and law into perspective.
    REFORM is definately needed....
     
  15. ladsonbehr49

    ladsonbehr49 Member

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    when my life partner was dying or in the hospital I turned into the pissiest gay man known to the world and demanded he be taken care of by as many nurses and doctors and if they did not listen I said my lawyer will be here shortly. I had full access to him at any time morning noon or night and the doctors and nurses respected me for what I was going through with him...

    never take no for answer and start being loud and obnoxious is the only way...
     
  16. reallybigshoe

    reallybigshoe Member

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    This.....

    There has to be more to the story.

    Also I hate to say it but it IS easier for hetero couples to prove they are married. For one, I don't care what anyone says, they normally have the same surname (yes even these days). But you Yanks are crazy this sort of thing wouldn't happen in Australia, or in my family/group of friends.
     
  17. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    Your partner should have drawn up a medical power of attorney putting you in the position of power. I have such a document naming my uncle as the person to make decisions. The rest of my family is totally nuts. I don't want my dying days spent having to endure them. I'd be wondering if I had been sent to hell. It's all a matter of taking care of your legal rights before a situation arises. BTW all you peeps need to draw up a detailed will. If you don't do it, all hell could break loose over your estate.
     
    #17 D_Bob_Crotchitch, May 19, 2009
    Last edited: May 19, 2009
  18. TheRob

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    I dunno about straight couples but my mom had to prove they were the daughter before when my grandfather was ill
    it's the same witha ll things tho, everyone is an individual and in the same hospital one might be great toyou and one might be shit
     
  19. TheRob

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    well that one is clearly not the doctors fault tho, if they had given you privlaged information that would not be legal and they could lose thier jobs etc
     
  20. D_Bob_Crotchitch

    D_Bob_Crotchitch New Member

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    I still say a legal power of attorney for the medical would have prevented all that. The right to privacy act, and other laws make things very complicated for those in the medical profession. My doctor won't even mail test results.
     
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