Kids' Tough Questions

[Lex]

I have two kids: an 8.5 girl and 5.5 boy. Both have qualities like both parents. My daughter's mind is always thinking, racing, taking things to their logical conclusions. She gets this honestly from me. She thinks 10 steps ahead of herself and everyone else, for better or worse. A gift and a curse.

So, we are watching the red carpet for the Oscars and they hyped Brokeback Mountain.

She turned to me and said: "Two cowboys fall in love? How does that happen, daddy?"

Me: Well, Daughter, it's like this...

Me: **Deep Breath**

Me: Some boys like girls. And some boys like boys. And some boys like girls AND boys. And some girls like boys. And some girls like girls. And some girls like boys AND girls. And its all okay, although some of those examples may be different from what you like as you grow up."

She: Oh, like my classmate casey who has two moms.

Me: Yes, exactly like that. Her moms love her right? And they are nice people?

She: Yes, they are.

She never said another word. man, what provocative questions she asks. I hope that these seeds Mrs. Lex and I plant now will make it easier for them to grow up open-minded.

No one ever said parenting was easy. Man. I am trying to talk to them about things in the ways my parents NEVER talked to me. I hope that it pays off.

 

[windtalkerways]

It definitely will Lex.

You and your wife are building a solid
foundation in your children's characters
for which you can both be proud.

The most wonderful gift a parent can
give their child, in addition to love, is
their time and complete honestly.

Nice going! :smile:

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Me: Some boys like girls. And some boys like boys. And some boys like girls AND boys. And some girls like boys. And some girls like girls. And some girls like boys AND girls. And its all okay, although some of those examples may be different from what you like as you grow up."

Please God, If you are up there, make every parent answer that question exactly like that, and make everybody think along those lines. Please?

That response is filed away now for if I ever have kids.

 

[Dr Rock]

my son once asked me what a "ringpiece" was

 

[GoneA]

very good, lex. perhaps, your words of enlightenment will serve as a guard against any of the prejudices society should like to ingrain in her. in fact, its very possible that they may teach her a lot about herself, if and when the time comes.

 

[rawbone8]

my son once asked me what a "ringpiece" was

jeez
whatever happened to the days of playground innocence when ya just heard "butt hole"?

 

[Matthew]

Well done, Lex.

I did a double take on your first sentence ... on this site, I'm so used to '8.5' and '5.5' being put to different uses. :tongue:

 

[Pecker]

One of the things I learned about answering kids' questions is that they usually know the answer ahead of time so it won't do any good to lie to them.

 

[CuriousGuy]

Your kids are in good hands, Lex. They are lucky to have you as their dad.:tongue:

 

[ChuckRich]

You are definitely a good parent, Lex. Giving your kids the truth but tempering it to match their level of understanding is one of the hardest things, that and remembering to feed them. LOL Being open-minded parents will assuredly lead to open-minded kids so you have nothing to worry about there.

 

[SomeGuyOverThere]

Well done, Lex.

I did a double take on your first sentence ... on this site, I'm so used to '8.5' and '5.5' being put to different uses. :tongue:

lol, same here!

I was wondering why his daughter had a 8.5 inch for a moment!

 

[GuyanaPrince]

I wish you were my daddy, Lex. Don't take that the wrong way. :wink:

 

[DC_DEEP]

Good work, Lex. You may want to consider letting her digest that for a while, then finding an opportunity to add "Some people are mean to people who are different, but that's just because the mean people are weak." It will help her understand two things: Why the other kids eventually start picking on Casey, and why she needs to avoid those bullies.

 

[Lex]

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I post this story as a way to remember how far *I* have come since my own childhood--to be able to have these conversations that no one had with me. And also to encourage others to have these conversations as they feel comfortable (or even if they don't). Lord knows her clarity makes me squirm sometimes.

Good work, Lex. You may want to consider letting her digest that for a while, then finding an opportunity to add "Some people are mean to people who are different, but that's just because the mean people are weak." It will help her understand two things: Why the other kids eventually start picking on Casey, and why she needs to avoid those bullies.

DC Deep--that is an excellent point. I will make sure to have that follow up conversation with her when an opportunity presents itself.

 

[SoFla8]

I was confronted with "the birds and the bees" about a year ago with my kids. both boys 9 & 11. (i'm a single dad) That conversation went well and I was very honest and up-front will all my responses. How far we went with each question suprized me. Kids know way more than you think, but some of the info is clouded with urban myth etc.
A few weeks ago they asked about breast size (why, who etc.), which led to penis size. they asked to see mine. I was confused since they see me often both naked and half naked. I mentioned this and my oldest son said: "I never saw it when it was a boner [erection]...we wanna see how big ours will be when we grow up". I was stunned for once, and luckily the subject quickly changed to inherited traits!

Tough question indeed. I dont think showing them that is really appropriate, but kids usually want a reason behind every "no". and they'll ask again eventually. I dont want them to think an erection is something to be ashamed of or abnormal, but the why behind the "no" i might need some help with.

help! lol

 

[AlteredEgo]

Tough question indeed. I dont think showing them that is really appropriate, but kids usually want a reason behind every "no". and they'll ask again eventually. I dont want them to think an erection is something to be ashamed of or abnormal, but the why behind the "no" i might need some help with.

help! lol

One reason:

Because a penis, as you already told them (right?) serves two functions: elimination, and reproduction. Erections belong to the reproductive function. Even though every erection is not the result of arousal (I'm sure they know this, right?) erections are sexual in nature, as they occur simply to make it easier to insert the penis into an orafice. So. Daddy cannnot show his curious sons his erection because it's inapropriate to be deliberately sexual with them. If they see it as he's stumbling to the head in the morning, that's one thing. But to get himself hard just to show them isn't right, or acceptable by the standards of our society.

Another reason:

Showing them his erection for the reason they laid out is uneccesary. They will not necesarily be the same size, or even close to the same size as their father.

Yet another reason:

Privacy. We all need it in varying degrees. Perhaps Daddy feels more comfortable keeping his erections to himself.

 

[CUBE]

One reason:

Because a penis, as you already told them (right?) serves two functions: elimination, and reproduction. Erections belong to the reproductive function. Even though every erection is not the result of arousal (I'm sure they know this, right?) erections are sexual in nature, as they occur simply to make it easier to insert the penis into an orafice. So. Daddy cannnot show his curious sons his erection because it's inapropriate to be deliberately sexual with them. If they see it as he's stumbling to the head in the morning, that's one thing. But to get himself hard just to show them isn't right, or acceptable by the standards of our society.

Another reason:

Showing them his erection for the reason they laid out is uneccesary. They will not necesarily be the same size, or even close to the same size as their father.

Yet another reason:

Privacy. We all need it in varying degrees. Perhaps Daddy feels more comfortable keeping his erections to himself.

WELL STATED.

 

[tallguypns]

I think perhaps another reason not so show an erection to them, in addition to the more important reasons already mentioned, is that it can lead to a self-perceived dysmorpia I'm thinking. If a young boy sees his small penis and then sees an adult penis, he may continue to have that "small" impression even after he grows up. I think that's what's happened to me, I found some pornos at the age of 12 or 13 and have though myself small ever since.

 

[madame_zora]

I loved Bronx's post, those reasons are very valid. One of the most important things in these open family discussions is honesty, and if you are honestly uncomfortable with that request, you should tell them WHY. They will be more likely to accept your answer if it has that ring of truth. Good luck, parenting is a challenge, but the rewards for a job well done are quickly apparent.

 

[BBB2.5]

Time sure has changed things. Children today are so grown up. It's kind of scary.
Lex I think you are a fantastic father. If there were only more parents like you and your wife. Our world would improve drastically.
:tongue: