Kinda Long. Need Serious Advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by MistressDD, Aug 6, 2008.

  1. MistressDD

    MistressDD New Member

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    So, this might be kind of long, but in order to get the advice we need, you have to have the history:

    I am 21 he is 32, which not a big issue, but it plays a role.
    He has grown used to watching porn and using it when he was with his exes, but now focuses on us, which seems to cause problems also.
    We have been together for nearly a year, and have had our ups and downs, which when the emotion isn't there, tends to be problematic.
    I have issues from my past that find their way into our sex life and prevent me from being completely open to all adventures.

    There is more, but allow me to ask for advice. . .

    We haven't been able to get eachother off like we used to. He doesn't have the amazing teeth grinding ejaculations anymore, and when I do have what we call my "super ones", he holds it against me asking me why if we aren't connecting and happy with eachtother, why can I still find the motivation to get myself off better than before.

    We have control issues, he has a problem not being in control, but craves more attention. I have looked up numerous sites to help me find ways to give him sooo much pleasure without steering all the control my way, but have come up empty.

    We are finally to the point where it is a quick 5 minute thing before we fall asleep and that is it. We have reconnected in every other aspect of our relationship (considering I was going through a depression) and feel like we can work on our sex life with the help and advice from others who might have been through this.

    Can anyone offer suggestions to something new, exciting, fun, loving, etc?
     
  2. hung

    Gold Member

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    Very complex situation.

    I have found that giving the most often allows the other partner to really get into the action. Yes, it takes time.

    As one grows older, sometimes the excitement is not always there. Remedy:

    Take time for some long drawn out encounters. Preform pre-play with words, then get into fore-play. Use all the parts of the body. Hands, lips, etc. Work each other over completely.

    Then take a break if you desire. Or if things are getting nice, play some sensual music and do oral on each other or take it slow and do oral on each other taking turns.

    Now, it can often happen where the insertive portion of sexual activity does not happen.

    But it is still fun and gives you both something to look forward to a few hours later.

    Sex is not a performance sport, it takes time, but the outcome can be very pleasant.

    Do not hurry. Quickies have their place, but a nice long period of sexual activity is also a great way to conclude a hetic day.

    Take time and enjoy life.

    I still do and it is always fun. I hope this helps and let us know how things go!!!!
     
  3. D_Amyntas Lillydong

    D_Amyntas Lillydong Account Disabled

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    I agree with the above. More foreplay. Build up to it. Look up Kama Sutra. If two people are really into each other, this takes it, for me on a spiritual level with your partner.
     
  4. Lng_1

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    Mistress, I have been in similar situations, unfortunately. What I can tell you is that you need to stimulate the mind.... the body will follow. I think that applies to men and women, alike. Teases with flirty emails, notes left for him in his briefcase, lunch box, underwear drawer, automobile, etc. all make for building the anticipation. They do not have to be sexual, but if there is an underlying sexual tone to them, it will get his mind and libido working. Let him know in both sexual and non-sexual ways that he is your "hero"-- guys luv that!

    One book you may want to read is the Proper Care and Feeding of a Husband by Dr. Laura. My take, is your man wants to feel on top of the world... and no one can make him feel more so, than the woman he loves. Keep it fun and playful-- foreplay is not just physical touching, but mental connection as well.
    Good luck!
     
  5. MistressDD

    MistressDD New Member

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    Thank you very much for all your insight. I am still very open to more opinions and suggestions, anything will help, and of course I will keep everyone posted.
     
  6. xxuxu

    xxuxu Active Member

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    Do you guys have sex just out of routine? It's easy to just do it because you feel like you should, rather than when your passions are truly ignited. Especially if the person is conveniently next to you every night.
     
  7. Biggin'

    Biggin' New Member

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    surprise! you're normal!
     
  8. Phil Ayesho

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    Sorry to say... but at 32... it is not too early for him to be experiencing the early stages of normal male decline in libido. Is he fit? Is he diabetic? There are a host of physical processes that result in changes in male sexual response.

    For most men, with age comes the experience of sex not feeling as intense as it once did. That has nothing to do with you... but it will affect you as many men will seek heightened response thru novelty.
    For some that novelty will be in the excitement, discovery and danger of affairs,
    For other it will be in gradually increasing interest in more extreme and unusual sexual stimulus... kinky new things that are exciting because they are new, or because they involve stimulus not previously associated with sex.

    If your sexual response is good... the ennui you feel might simply be the disappointment at not satisfying him.

    And his not being satisfied might be purely a physiological thing.. unrelated to his feelings for you.
    It would be a mistake for a man of this age to assume that his poor response is indicative of some sub-conscious emotional lack between the two of you.

    Have him see a doctor.
    Have him try Cialis... if he seems back to normal on Cialis... then it is almost certainly an issue of aging, and not an issue of relationship...

    Point out to him that by their early 30s, even top athletes are on the wane, physically...by 36, they can't even compete.

    32 may sound young... but its when the downhill side starts.
     
  9. D_Antoine Allnuts

    D_Antoine Allnuts Account Disabled

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    i've got to disagree with everything that's been said so far.
    your issue, while it might manifest itself in the bedroom stems from much bigger issues. you can't fix the bedroom issues without tackling the others.
    self-help books can work.

    however, i noticed that the suggestion for dr. laura was by a man. dr. laura believes that every woman should be subservient to her husband/master. she's a female misogynist. (yes, there is such a thing)

    i'd recommend couples counselling. if you don't have insurance, there are many places that do sliding scale. especially places that are affiliated with medical schools.
    your relationship is so much more than the bedroom. sure, what happens in there can help or hurt it. but it isn't separate from the rest and you need to start working on what's happening physically and emotionally outside the bedroom first.

    i say all this because i have a past that very much damaged my sexual health, and working on it through therapy is the healthiest way. i'm not referring to you alone. he seems like he definitely could use serious counselling -- getting mad when you orgasm.

    PS. i can't believe i suddenly have this immense warm wave of emotion and sympathy towards you just moments after privately emailing that you have the greatest rack on the planet.
    only on lpsg!

    (and i'm a teacher, not a shrink, so i'm not trying to push this stuff on ya)
     
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