Kindness of strangers.....

[deleted111]

I was at the bar last week enjoying myself and having a good time with my friends. I know its hard to believe that a 25 year old would go to a bar and drink until they can't walk anymore but its true.

I ran into a friend from college that I haven't seen for about 5 years. We used to hang out quite a bit in college, he and I were both openly gay. At the time it never occurred to either of us that there might be something more then just a friendship. In any case, he actually asked me out on a date and of course I said I'm afraid that I'm in a relationship and that it would have to be as just friends. He actually got rather bent out of shape with me and walked off like I caused some deep wound or something.

I sit here thinking about it and realize maybe I should have said something different or lied to spare his feelings.

Do any of you have any thoughts? I would prefer to reconnect with him, not say goodbye again.


Nater :wow:

 

[Pappy]

I think you handled things very nicely. You told him the truth and he's the one that has a problem with it. He should understand that you are in a commited relationship and that you are faithful to the one you're with. Give him some time and maybe he'll see the light and come around again.

 

[yaoifun]

I also say you did the right thing. Just because you might hurt someone's feelings does not justify cheating at all! Also, if he cannot respect you are with someone else and wants to steal you away, to Hell with him. It's just wrong. And it would have been even more if you had said yes to him without breaking up with your current S/O. I've seen it happen to people I care about, and ANYONE who does that is just plain disgusting in my book, cheating is something I don't take lightly. I'm not trying to bash your friend, but he was REALLY in the wrong to get in a huff about it. I know you don't want to say goodbye, but presonally, I feel if he can't respect you OR the relationship you are in, I cannot respect him (or anyone like that for that matter) but it's good that you were truthful. You did the right thing, it takes a lot, and some people would have given in to save feelings. Kudos to you!

 

[rich_cabeza2002]

I agree with Pappy. You were honest with him.It's his problem if he got bent out of shape about it.

 

[madame_zora]

More kudos for you, Nacard. A good relationship should be treasured, and if this guy hasn't even seen you in a while, he had no right to just assume you'd be single and then get pissed that you're not. I hope he comes around, but if he didn't I'd say you haven't lost much.

 

[13788]

hung_big: You didn't do a thing wrong. You maintained loyal to your Significant Other and kept true to the relationship that you have. You can't bend over backwards (or forwards, as the case may be ) for everyone in order not to hurt their feelings.

What if you had lied? Then you would have led him on and it would have eventually caught up with the both of you. You could have ended up hurting him, yourself, your partner and losing the both of them. Rest assured that you did the right thing.

 

[steve319]

It's completely natural to feel badly about an encounter like that and to wonder if there's something that you could have done differently. Sounds like you certainly didn't intend to hurt the guy's feelings.

I can't imagine any lie or cover story that would have been more understandable to someone than explaining that you are involved in a committed relationship.

I know you wish there had been some way you could have spared his feelings, but it sounds like he would have chosen to get bent out of shape no matter how you handled it (if he didn't get what he wanted).

Maybe he'll get over it. We'll hope so!

 

[DC_DEEP]

Of course you did the right thing. You maintained your integrity, something that, in the population at large, is not generally treasured. If this person was actually a friend, his anger at you for politely declining his offer indicates that either: 1) he was drunk, in which case the friendship could be salvaged, or 2) he is a psychopathic personality, in which case you need your distance. A psychopathic personality is "a disorder of behavior toward others or society in which reality is usually clearly perceived, except for an individual's social and moral obligations, and which often seeks immediate personal gratification in criminal acts, drug addiction, or sexual perversion." Maintaining your honesty and integrity are usually not terribly easy, but the benefits far outweigh the losses. And besides, for every lie told, one should have another to back it up... not the case with the truth.

 

[Alley Blue]

Originally posted by DC_DEEP@Apr 22 2005, 11:41 AM
1) he was drunk, in which case the friendship could be salvaged

[post=303276]Quoted post[/post]​

Nacard01 have you spoken to him since?
It was probably just the liquer talking as DC Deep said.........perhaps he was'nt thinking clearly.