Is it possible to have a marriage without kisses? I have hang-ups about kissing and I am getting married very soon. What can I do to help my new wife understand ? What can I do to get more comfortable with kissing?
kisses are icky
- Thread starter hindupridemn
- Start date
biguy2738
Experimental Member
- Joined
- Mar 27, 2007
- Posts
- 2,310
- Media
- 7
- Likes
- 22
- Points
- 183
- Location
- Johannesburg, South Africa
- Sexuality
- 50% Straight, 50% Gay
- Gender
- Male
Hindipridemn, I hope that what I'm going to say doesn't offend you (many people have issues with the nature of my suggestion which they take as an insult) because after the amount of courage and risk that you've taken to post so openly and honestly about yourself, I really do respect you.
In all honesty, I think that the best way for you to deal with your predicament would be for you to see a therapist. I think that your reluctance to kiss your fiance aren't the real problem, but merely indicate as you have already stated, your relationship with your parents have led to trust issues and being abused by a group of teenage boys makes things worse.
The fact of the matter is that even if you were able to have a kiss-less marriage, you and your bride would still have major problems. Your trust issues would certainly prevent you from opening up to her completely. You wouldn't be able to love her in all entirety, and much as you would try to disguise it, it would still be blatantly obvious to her.
I think that it's wonderful that even though it's an arranged marriage, you believe that your fiance is "the one". It would be a terrible tragedy for either your marriage to fail or for both of you to be trapped in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage.
I have no doubt that if you deal with your trust issues and resolve them, you will be able to open yourself up to her. Perhaps you will want to kiss her and perhaps your autism will prevent you from desiring such contact. The fact of the matter is, if your future bride is allowed into the deep recesses of your heart and your life, I am certain that you will both be able to find creative and meaningful ways to express your love and intimacy.
Thing is though, you may find ways to be able to kiss her, however if you still suffer from being unable to trust her, you'll most probably find yourselves being miserable and perhaps even resentful towards each other.
All of the best, both now and for the future!
In all honesty, I think that the best way for you to deal with your predicament would be for you to see a therapist. I think that your reluctance to kiss your fiance aren't the real problem, but merely indicate as you have already stated, your relationship with your parents have led to trust issues and being abused by a group of teenage boys makes things worse.
The fact of the matter is that even if you were able to have a kiss-less marriage, you and your bride would still have major problems. Your trust issues would certainly prevent you from opening up to her completely. You wouldn't be able to love her in all entirety, and much as you would try to disguise it, it would still be blatantly obvious to her.
I think that it's wonderful that even though it's an arranged marriage, you believe that your fiance is "the one". It would be a terrible tragedy for either your marriage to fail or for both of you to be trapped in an unhappy and unfulfilling marriage.
I have no doubt that if you deal with your trust issues and resolve them, you will be able to open yourself up to her. Perhaps you will want to kiss her and perhaps your autism will prevent you from desiring such contact. The fact of the matter is, if your future bride is allowed into the deep recesses of your heart and your life, I am certain that you will both be able to find creative and meaningful ways to express your love and intimacy.
Thing is though, you may find ways to be able to kiss her, however if you still suffer from being unable to trust her, you'll most probably find yourselves being miserable and perhaps even resentful towards each other.
All of the best, both now and for the future!
Did you read that on the back of a cereal packet or something?
B_Think_Kink
Sexy Member
I'm repulsed by kissing. I don't kiss when I fuck unless I'm drunk off my ass. Mine was caused by a fear of things near my mouth though.
Osiris
Experimental Member
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2007
- Posts
- 2,666
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 13
- Points
- 183
- Location
- Wherever the dolphins are going
- Sexuality
- No Response
- Gender
- Male
Since I am so much into kissing, I find it hard to understand that you don't like it, but of course everyone has different ideas of fun. May I ask if you can somehow explain, why you don't like it?
In my opinion, it's certainly possible to get along with out kissing, as long as both of you agree on that. But you say you need to make her understand. Didn't you tell her before? What is her opinion?
In my opinion, it's certainly possible to get along with out kissing, as long as both of you agree on that. But you say you need to make her understand. Didn't you tell her before? What is her opinion?
- Qua,
Ditto...and I had a girl who had a boyfriend at the time and she would rather fuck me than let me kiss her because she found kissing far more intimate to the point that she'd feel more guilty kissing me than fucking me. I kissed her and she kept at it for a loong time. It was awesome. I could not have an intimate relationship without kissing. I'm of the same opinion as the girl, who's now single, and loving it :wink:
Not_Punny
Superior Member
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2007
- Posts
- 5,464
- Media
- 109
- Likes
- 3,062
- Points
- 258
- Location
- California
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Female
B_Think_Kink
Sexy Member
All the people who are saying they like kissing.. we aren't asking if you like it or not. He asked what he should do about it.
Osiris
Experimental Member
- Joined
- Jul 22, 2007
- Posts
- 2,666
- Media
- 0
- Likes
- 13
- Points
- 183
- Location
- Wherever the dolphins are going
- Sexuality
- No Response
- Gender
- Male
I answered his first question. I can't answer the other. I mean if he has issue with it at this point in his life, it might be difficult. His new wife may change his mind. It could happen.
Principessa
Expert Member
Doggone it hotmilf, stop reading my mind. 
I was going to ask those same questions.
hindupridemnkisses are icky
Is it possible to have a marriage without kisses? Probably but I don't personally know of any. I have hang-ups about kissing and I am getting married very soon. What can I do to help my new wife understand? You need to talk about this with her before the wedding. What can I do to get more comfortable with kissing? I would suggest therapy to come to grips with why you are so uncomfortable with kissing.
I was going to ask those same questions.hindupridemnkisses are icky
Is it possible to have a marriage without kisses? Probably but I don't personally know of any. I have hang-ups about kissing and I am getting married very soon. What can I do to help my new wife understand? You need to talk about this with her before the wedding. What can I do to get more comfortable with kissing? I would suggest therapy to come to grips with why you are so uncomfortable with kissing.
You have to tell her exactly how you feel about kissing and make sure she is OK with that. As you can see, for many people, kissing is very intimate, more intimate than sex for some, and they enjoy it with people they love. You owe it to your fiancee to tell her exactly what she's getting before you get married. You should also tell her about any other sexual or intimacy issues you have just as she should tell you about hers. Engagements are the time to lay everything out in the open because once you're married it's too late.
You may come to find kissing is pleasurable or you may not. The only way is to practice it. Nothing will make you enjoy it if you simply don't enjoy it.
As to making her understand, if you love her then say so, if you find her sexually pleasing then say so. Tell her she's wonderful and appealing to you but that YOU have a problem with kissing not just her but anyone. You realize this is your issue and you are willing to work it out with her if it's important to her. Sexual compatibility is an important part of marriage and it's a good idea to try to accomodate the other partner if at all possible and, if you can't, to explain how it is no reflection on your partner that you can't.
Principessa
Expert Member
I think I have found the crux of the problem. In this post, http://www.lpsg.org/1006398-post23.html. Unfortunately, it seems low self-esteem is the greater of the OP's issues.
hindupridemn
Member
hindupridemn is
![user_online.gif]()
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Rochester MN
Gender: Male
70% Straight, 30% Gay
Posts: 11
It seems that Americans either view foreskin as a commodity or (more often) view it with disgust. I've been rejected almost all the times I could have gotten sex because of my foreskin. That's part of the reason why I chose to be put in an arranged marriage instead of a "love marriage".
hindupridemn
Member
hindupridemn is
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Rochester MN
Gender: Male
70% Straight, 30% Gay
Posts: 11
It seems that Americans either view foreskin as a commodity or (more often) view it with disgust. I've been rejected almost all the times I could have gotten sex because of my foreskin. That's part of the reason why I chose to be put in an arranged marriage instead of a "love marriage".
Not_Punny
Superior Member
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2007
- Posts
- 5,464
- Media
- 109
- Likes
- 3,062
- Points
- 258
- Location
- California
- Sexuality
- 100% Straight, 0% Gay
- Gender
- Female
Here's looking at ya, njqt! :wink:
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
I completely agree with you, Jason_ELS. Absolutely. But this might be a problem if his religion does not permit this discussion.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Hindupridemn -- if your religion permits, Jason_ELS and njqt466 have given you some excellent advice above.
HOWEVER, if your religion prohibits you from speaking to your future wife about this, my suggestion is to talk to her through a relative.
If she wants to kiss, and you don't work this out, you are going to have an unhappy bride, and I'm sure you and her family don't want that. :wink:
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
I completely agree with you, Jason_ELS. Absolutely. But this might be a problem if his religion does not permit this discussion.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Hindupridemn -- if your religion permits, Jason_ELS and njqt466 have given you some excellent advice above.
HOWEVER, if your religion prohibits you from speaking to your future wife about this, my suggestion is to talk to her through a relative.
If she wants to kiss, and you don't work this out, you are going to have an unhappy bride, and I'm sure you and her family don't want that. :wink:
Good sleuthing there nj!
As everyone on this forum is acutely aware, I'm a big advocate of foreskin. I must advise you however, that circumcision is probably a wiser move for you than an arranged marriage. If you find that it really gives you a problem with sex and makes you feel this way about yourself, then I highly suggest you look into it.
There are cultures here in the US that continue with the tradition of arranged marriages. So long as you're both of age, great. It is very difficult to live within an arranged marriage if that is something you're settling for rather than wanting. It sounds like you've gone out and met girls and wanted to be with them but ran into problems so you feel you have no other choice than to have an arranged marriage. I also notice you're 70/30 so there's a sexuality issue here as well.
Arranged marriages are difficult here in the US because we're a culture that believes romantic love is the basis for marriage. It's difficult to keep an arranged marriage happy if the culture you live in and the people you live with in your daily life do not also have arranged marriages. Your friends will be shocked and if you're both unhappy in the marriage, your friends will constantly urge you to divorce and seek romantic love elsewhere. I know there are happy arranged marriages out there. I know people who have arranged marriages. It seems to me that to be successful, these marriages had to have partners who wanted it to work and worked hard to love each other. I also know that in at least one of those marriages that the man had other lovers because while he loved his wife as friend and mother to his children, he did not love her romantically.
Be really, really, careful with this. I know there can be a great deal of pressure on you to enter into an arranged marriage, but don't enter into it if you're only doing it because you feel you have no other choice because the marriage likely won't last.
dcwrestlefan
Sexy Member
I agree with NJ and the other poster. If your not permitted to talk directly to her find another avenue. This subject needs to be addressed before your married, culture or no culture!
I wish you the best of luck either way. For me personally, I know I could not marry someone who didn't share the same oral passion as I do called kissing!
Good Luck and many of us understand if for religious reasons you can't discuss this any further.
I wish you the best of luck either way. For me personally, I know I could not marry someone who didn't share the same oral passion as I do called kissing!
Good Luck and many of us understand if for religious reasons you can't discuss this any further.
Similar threads
