Knowing sexuality?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Dookiestain3, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. Dookiestain3

    Dookiestain3 New Member

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    I've been confused for a very long time really. For starters, I've never had a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but the desires are still there. I noticed that I wasn't 100% straight when I thought a guy was very attractive freshmen year.

    Question #1: Do most gay men start off with only physical attractions?

    When I picture myself with a guy and with a girl, I can only see myself w/ the girl. With the guy, kissing hugging holding just doesn't click, but thoughts of performing fellatio are arousing.

    Question #2: Is it possible to have sexuality affected by porn?

    The only reason i question this is because i'm attracted to only 1 kind of person type. They must be white, skinny to muscular, brown or black hair, and blue or green eyes. What causes me to think porn may of had something to do with this is because that is the sexual icon in my head. I reviewed all the porn i mostly watched and that description fit all of them.

    Lastly, if anyone could relate, i'd love input. When i'm behind the computer screen my mind wanders about gay things and less about women. In public i only really notice good looking guys, but when gay men hit on me i feel disgusted. I usually laugh and walk away but I dont understand why it isnt arousing. I've had people who i usually think are hot talk to me and seem interested but the desire to make anything of it simply isnt there.

    I just need help figuring myself out. I'm not afraid of being gay I just WANT to be able to say I'm blah.
     
  2. Daudau

    Daudau New Member

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    From what you've stated you sound like you're probably gay, but haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. You're sexually attracted to guys, you're attracted to guys when you see them around you, and you've attuned to a certain preference in guys. Just because you're attracted to one type of guy doesn't mean it's completely related to porn.

    Everyone has their own preference. Straight guys tend to like blonde or redheaded women the most, some only like women with black hair, etc. Gay guys have their own preference too. You may feel disgusted when gay guys hit on you because you don't like open guys like that, or you may feel outed by them.

    Overall you shouldn't think too much about this. You should do what feels right to you, and go with what you like. As time goes by your preferences and feelings towards guys will change. You can't simply force yourself to terms with yourself but you can help guide yourself by going with what you like and avoiding what you don't like when they come up, instead of questioning everything and standing confused. It happens.
     
  3. milkluver

    milkluver New Member

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    sweetheart , what u have 2 do is just relax and try it u might like , most of us guys gay or not i love pussy and cock both ,,, JUST FUCKIN TRY IT ,, IF IT FEELS GOOD GO 4 IT IF NOT LET IT GO ITS ALL UP 2 U ,, JUST FUCKIN DO IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  4. Supersized

    Supersized New Member

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    1. yes they do start out with attractions.
    2. Straight porn conditions people for bisexuality because you learn to associate being aroused while looking at a man and a woman.
    I saw one statistic that said 50% of the US population is bisexual.
    Also i learned in sex ed that 1 in 3 males will have had sex to the point of orgasm with another male atleast once in their lives.
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    If you're asking this question seriously and want to discuss it seriously then I'll help fill you in and ask others to do so too. You'll get some fairly long posts because there are people here who are willing to help you figure out what's going on. We just need to know you're committed to working on this issue before devoting the time and effort. No reflection on you personally, but it's a pain to put a lot of time and effort into helping someone who isn't serious about working on their issues and we just need to know what your deal is.

    Welcome to LPSG and hope you enjoy it!
     
  6. MarioKarting

    MarioKarting New Member

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    My opinion from what you've written:
    You may have the psychological factors of attraction, but you just aren't getting it on physically with fellas.
    Your last line says you'd be interested in having something to call yourself. As others have noted, you can just follow your own definition and go with your feelings. What names have you thought of and what do you feel about them?
    If it helps, you might consider yourself "Straight" or "Bisexual" with "Until Further Notice" tacked on the end. It seems important to you to need to summarise yourself to yourself or with others in this way, and the best summary is the one that's open to change (it's easier to adjust and adjust to if and when change happens!).

    A definition of homosexuality (the real sexuality in question, right?) might help out with these questions. Here's the wiki's 2 cents:

    "Homosexuality refers to sexual behavior or attraction between people of the same sex, or to a sexual orientation. The latter refers to a person's enduring identity as disposed to romantic and sexual attractions and relationships with those of the same sex, and not narrowly to their sexual behavior."

    So, sexual attraction is not just a physical thing.

    Under 'attraction', there's this:

    "These preferences come about as a result of a complex variety of genetic, psychological, and cultural factors. The sexual attraction of one person to another depends on both people."

    This is good news because this excerpt says preferences can also be psychological and cultural, not just biological. It also makes a great point that it depends on two people, not just one.

    Here's two good lines from the 'sexual orientation' page:
    "Sexual orientation refers to 'an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, or affectional attraction toward others,'";
    "Most definitions of sexual orientation include a psychological component (such as the direction of an individual's erotic desire) and/or a behavioral component (which focuses on the sex of the individual's sexual partner/s). Some prefer simply to follow an individual's self-definition or identity."

    If you agree with these statements, then you might have a workable frame of reference. If not, modify it and go with that.

    As for your questions:

    I don't remember what came first for me. I remember getting a bit smitten with another boy in my class in grade 3 because he picked me up in his arms and carried me around like a man might with a woman. It wasn't a turn on it was just...sweet.

    On another note, I can't masterbate about the guys I get crushes on. Men who I don't know at all and I find sexy I can "go to town" on in my head. But if I find them sexy, AND I know them, AND I am interested in them they just don't do it for me when I wank. I also struggle to remember their faces clearly. Don't know why, I just do!

    Here's another example:
    I was a complete virgin most of my teen years but jerked off regularly to thoughts of men. I considered myself gay even though I'd never been with either a man or a woman. One of my earliest sexual fantasies I can remember that helps me understand that I'm gay is about Tom Hanks, in "Big" [hey! No laughing! :biggrin1:]. I musta been about 12 or 13 when I used to wank about this, and I didn't sleep with anyone (it was a guy) until I was 17. There's a scene in the movie where he sleeps with some chick he works with and wakes up in her apartment. I used to wank about her sucking him off and him fucking her, but I realised at some point that I wasn't turned on by her but by being her, sucking him off and taking him. This, in hindsight was how I understood I was gay even though I was wanking about a heterosexual fuck, or a fantasy with a chick in it. If you're the same it doesn't mean we are the same, but it's a point of view or contrast to think about.


    See the above stuff about attraction depending on two people. In this case, your attraction to guys depends on them filling that criteria. I'm sure it's not as simple as that, but I hope you don't feel weird that you've got a 'type' you'd be gay for. I imagine many people do.

    If sexuality can be affected by porn, then sexuality has an environmental component. I imagine this is true because what we as a population finds sexy seems to change depending on fashion trends (i.e., how attractive are the men and women of pre-20th century art?? Probably not as attractive as the models we see nowadays, and that's likely a social phenomena).

    Being gay does NOT mean being attracted to ALL men, or even most of them. Just because you haven't been physically or psychologically turned on by any of the men you've met in real life doesn't mean there isn't a guy out there who could push your buttons. And having never had sex with a guy does NOT mean you aren't gay! (great quote I heard recently: "Absence of evidence does not mean evidence of absence!").

    I check out guys a lot in public and I like looking at their bulges. But there are very few and rare guys who will get me horny, sweaty, or even fluttered when I see them in person. I think there's only been one or two strangers in my life who gave me even a semi when passing by, and I'm 26.

    When you feel that disgust, what thoughts or images come to mind? What is your immediate motivation then?
    All I can say about the guys that come onto you is this:
    There's no need to be afraid to just say no and not have to justify it or explain it. How others react is up to them, but you have a right to say "no" without any further comment. Heck, you can even say it respectfully and assertively and not need to leave where you are or think worse of the guy for trying.
     
  7. MarioKarting

    MarioKarting New Member

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    Ha!! Jason, I wish I had read that a while ago, but I was too busy devoting my time to my response.

    Well thought.
     
  8. HazelGod

    Gold Member

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    I was thinking your issues might stem from the same condition that led you to join an adult discussion forum using such a decidedly puerile moniker... :rolleyes:
     
  9. Primal_Savage

    Primal_Savage New Member

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    I agree totally, as I'm one of those guys that spent the better part of 15 years beating myself up over my bisexuality.
     
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