Labels don’t necessarily matter, but they may be helpful...

4zardoz4

Experimental Member
Joined
Jan 20, 2009
Posts
16
Media
0
Likes
3
Points
148
Location
East Hampton (New York, United States)
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
So I’m working on a personal theory and I appreciate some of your thoughts.

I indentify as straight. I’ve never had sex with a man. I am erotically attracted to men, but I have only had sex with women and my romantic relationships have all been with women. With regards to my same sex attraction, I’m tuned on by fit men, and in particular to “straight men.” By that I mean I’m turned off by gay men with pronounced “gay”personalities.

Now, as it happens, I’ve been invited to go the Belevedere Guest House on Fire Island. It’s a clothing optional venue for gay men. I’m going, and maybe if the right situation presents itself, I might get lucky.

My question about labels is this:

What does it mean to be bisexual? Here is the theory I’m working with. Gay men are men who (generall) are men who have sex with men and who form romantic relationships with men. Lesbians are women who (generally) have sex with women and form romantic relathionships with women. So to my thinking it follows that bisexuals are people of either (cis) gender who have sex with either gender and form romantic relationships with either gender.

I’m leaving transgendered or other non-binary gender identifying folks out of this for now.

I don’t think I’m a bisexual, according to that definition. But is there an identity for mostly straight people, who will have sex with people of the same gender on occasion. unregretibly and unashamedly.

Questioning doesn’t seem right, since I’m going be getting an answer soon. Men who have sex with men? Desk to seem right but maybe it is?

I’m interested in labels but also thoughts on my definition above.
 

dickthrobbing

Legendary Member
Joined
Sep 29, 2007
Posts
604
Media
22
Likes
1,462
Points
348
Location
Taplow (Buckinghamshire, England)
Sexuality
60% Straight, 40% Gay
Gender
Male
Sexuality is not a "straight" linear line. Bisexuals' can range from someone who says they are 99% het eg images or seeing members of the same sex turn them on, to gay people who just want the odd occasional contact encounter (sex or just embracing) with the opposite sex

The forming of relationships is a complex, I know a happily married guy who has a male "best friend" he spends a lot of time with, his wife accepts this other relationship of his.
 
  • Like
Reactions: notN2pussy

Mister2101

Mythical Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2013
Posts
12,741
Media
0
Likes
47,682
Points
283
Location
US East Coast
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
To me, I agree that today you are straight......straight with some bi-curiosities. But once you begin looking for sex with men or engaging in sex with men because it feels good and you enjoy it (even if you are not developing romantic feelings / relationships with these men), then I think you might want to start considering yourself bi-sexual---someone who is attracted to both sexes and enjoys sex with both sexes. Just my opinion. Like you, I'm not big on labels......hope you find what you are looking for........sex with other men is wonderful....very natural and very pleasurable.....
 

Parts Guy

Legendary Member
Joined
May 14, 2018
Posts
503
Media
0
Likes
1,896
Points
188
Location
Boston (Massachusetts, United States)
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
For me sexuality and sensuality are very fluid. I love women, love the special sensuality of a woman and her special touch. But I also love the touch of a man and the very different sensuality that offers than that of a woman. To me experiencing both is very fulfilling in very different ways. Even experiencing both at the same time offers an even different sensual / sexual experience. I don’t think labels help anyone, I think they only limit and inhibit what can be very fluid enjoyment.
 

Parts Guy

Legendary Member
Joined
May 14, 2018
Posts
503
Media
0
Likes
1,896
Points
188
Location
Boston (Massachusetts, United States)
Sexuality
50% Straight, 50% Gay
Gender
Male
I also think about it this way, so we all see men or women and say wow, beautiful or handsome and those labels are all from our perspective. If we see them naked, we also see things that we find attractive or intriguing. But we then think, oh, that is the same sex we are? Who cares, only you and your worry about being labeled? I got over that and found enjoyment in both sexes.
 

halcyondays

Worshipped Member
Joined
Feb 22, 2014
Posts
6,440
Media
2
Likes
10,513
Points
208
Location
US
Sexuality
80% Straight, 20% Gay
Gender
Male
IMO you're bisexual. Here's why:

Your definition of bisexual ignores the fact that virgins have a sexual preference and identity. Even the tiny, single digit percentage of adults who go their entire lives without having sex classify themselves. So do young people who may make it well into their 20s & 30s before having sex.

Just because you haven't yet done it with a man doesn't mean you're not bi. By your own admission you're erotically attracted to some, not all, men same way you're attracted to some, not all, women. Now you're going to a gay guesthouse with hope of getting lucky!

In my book there is no separate definition for "mostly straight" or "mostly gay" outside of bi.

Individuals are resistant to labels for many reasons (mostly out of fear) and happily embrace other labels which are safe and socially acceptable. Why are you resistant to bi?
 

samandtham

Legendary Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Oct 20, 2017
Posts
607
Media
6
Likes
1,462
Points
263
Location
New York (United States)
Verification
View
Sexuality
69% Straight, 31% Gay
Gender
Male
I have only been in romantic relationships with women. Although I am not discounting the possibility, I doubt that I would fall in love with a man.

However, I have had sexual relationships with both whenever I am single. I would say the ratio is 60-40 in favor of men.

I identify as bisexual, simply because what I have consciously done in the past no longer makes me heterosexual.
 

MrTMT

Superior Member
Joined
Oct 9, 2011
Posts
6,675
Media
0
Likes
7,554
Points
293
Location
Eastern US
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
In my opinion, being bisexual is a unique group as it's much lower in percentage as compare to being homosexual, and of course, heterosexual is the majority. Not many topic covers this to the full as it can and always spread out in the spectrum between homo and heterosexual. I share many points that raised by the original poster and the rest of the replies. There used to be a term called bi-curious, which gives the person a way to "get out" if he/she doesn't feel there is a fit to stay in the bi world. Being going through this many years in my life, your mind can play with you, but we're who we're. Just enjoy what you feel naturally.