ladies can you help me with this

[bigdog83]

i dunno, im just really confused. please see this thread if you want some more info.http://www.lpsg.org/98717-how-do-i-tell-if.html#post1652451

anyway i was kinda a dick to this girl cuz she went out to lunch with me one day then the second time gave me 101 excuses(rejection). it really wasnt a date, just 2 co-workers that had huge crushes on each other?? we both paid.

anyway i started to ignore her, and the road got bumpy.....i didnt know how she was going to act the next day. from nice, to ignoring me, to rubing her tits on me, flirting, it all depended on how she was feeling lol. i dont know what happened but we were best friends one day, then she rejected(?) me......then once i ignored her everything went nuts. i was just mad she couldnt just say no thanks, or say "lets just go as friends".

anyway, alot of time has passed, we say hi now, smile, small talk if we pass........

let me explain, at one point when i was ignoring her, i felt bad. she kept waving, smiling, trying to throw some jokes when we passed.....i was feeling confused, maybe she really didnt mean to tell me indirectly to "fuck-off", as i took her rejection for lunch. i was just going nuts with feelings, what all this ment, and how she was acting. i felt i was inmature because at first she was going out of her way to be extra nice to me. that is when i started to be nice again............


fast foward to this week, i asked if we could talk. she did, and i told her "im sorry for being an inmature dick".
her:"WHAT!!!!, BUT YOUR NOT!..................................................pauses...........I WOULD OF TOLD YOU THAT IF YOU WERE!.................i dont even know what to say"....

then she stairs at me.......and i keep saying ok,ok.....as she wasnt saying anything i was saying "ok", thats all i wanted to say you can leave....she finally ran out.



lpsg, look im not very good with these things, i dont know if i should of told her im sorry...that might of even confused things more......but i just felt i had to, i felt i was an inmature prick, which is not me at all! by her comments, she knew exectly why i was saying it... i am just trying to be this girls friend..........

women, what is going through this girls head after i told her that? she kinda got emotional, her voice ranged from a loud ARE YOU NUTS to a soft voice that could barely be heard. it looked like she wanted to run out, but kept stairing at me even after i kept telling her "ok". finally after a few ok's she left.

i just want to be her friend, should i just forget it and if i need to go to her side of the building send someone else???

 

[nkattman]

I think you just put her in a really awkward situation and she didn't know how to handle it. Be prepared for it to be a little weird next time you see her.

 

[Honey123]

I wish I could help but when you two were doing the ok, ok, back and forth was when you were supposed to say "I really like you and would like to hang out with you." or soemthing like that, not just leave hang with the and..? next..? feeling

So close...

I suggest that next time you are standing like that going uh... you just say "I don't know how to say it so I'll just say it" and then just say what you are really thinking. Don't tell her she gives u mixed signals cuz then she'll really wack out on you.

Good luck.

 

[bigdog83]

i agree with the first comment..........but with the second comment, that would of made things really akward.........im pretty sure she doesnt like me in that way.

 

[got_lost]

Well I'm with Honey123 on this too!

Just reading the first part of your post I was thinking 'TALK TO HER'!!!
Really pleased you did, but you have to actually finish the conversation!

It seems the pair of you are confused, have feelings (whatever they maybe) and are feeling too self-consious to come out and talk about them with eachother.

If you do nothing now you will never find out the truth and will have lost a friend.
You have nothing to lose mate!
Just take the bull by the horns (again!) and talk to her.
Maybe, though, before you do that, make a note/list of what you want to say and check it just before you see her to make sure you don't get stuck next time! :wink:

 

[bigdog83]

Well I'm with Honey123 on this too!

Just reading the first part of your post I was thinking 'TALK TO HER'!!!
Really pleased you did, but you have to actually finish the conversation!

It seems the pair of you are confused, have feelings (whatever they maybe) and are feeling too self-consious to come out and talk about them with eachother.

If you do nothing now you will never find out the truth and will have lost a friend.
You have nothing to lose mate!
Just take the bull by the horns (again!) and talk to her.
Maybe, though, before you do that, make a note/list of what you want to say and check it just before you see her to make sure you don't get stuck next time! :wink:

ah damn............i am just trying to make things less awkard for her and stop weirding her out...........but i guess next time i see her, if she isnt fricked out and running away, i should ask her to talk again???? i feel like i want to go into a hole.......and leave this girl "be". i feel i might be annoying her. i dont know why i feel this way, i dont even really talk to her she is useally the one talking to me first! i am also confused i think the whole office knows i have a crush on her, and she knows it, and if she was interested why wouldnt she just ask if i wanna do to lunch or something???

 

[got_lost]

Ummmmm.... the clue is right in front of your eyes!!!!

she is usually the one talking to me first!

Duh!!!!

So, she is interested!?!?!


Give the girl a break, take a deep breath and go for it sir! :wink:

 

[bigdog83]

Ummmmm.... the clue is right in front of your eyes!!!!



Duh!!!!

So, she is interested!?!?!


Give the girl a break, take a deep breath and go for it sir! :wink:

i am just so confused.......at everything. before when we first met, yes i would of told you 200% she was into me........i mean ive seen her trip over her own feet while she was walking, looking back to see if i was looking at her lol. all i know is we were best friends at first, then maybe she had a bad day or something, but she rejected my second lunch. then the next week she tried being my best friend again, but i took her rejection as a fuck off, i dont even want to be friends.......so thats what i did, i started to ignore her. this right here really confused the crap out of me, cuz i didnt understand it at all. the worst part is she went out to lunch like every day that week! all i know, is i heard her talking about she was breaking up with her bf of 3 years, so maybe she had a big fight(because it was monday)over the weekend and took it too work/me. ok fine, u can tell im hurt because im going out of my way to ignore you, and she couldnt come up to me and ask whats going on??

she knew what i was doing......because she was being nice the whole time i was ignoring her, but then she started to follow me and ignore me. i dont have the heart to just ignore her completely, so when passing i would just say hi. she kinda looked sad, like why dont you talk to me anymore. that is when i started to feel bad(when she stoped being nice, and giving me these wtf?? faces), and re-think, maybe she didnt tell me to "fuck off" as i thougth she did, even though what she did was kinda mean. thats when i started to come around, it took a while but i pushed myself to let it go, so i can be normal around her.........and then she just started screwing with my head after that. i mean one day she came up, put her hand around me and brushed up so close her tits were rubing on me while we were walking.......then the next day i walk by, say "hi" and then she says "bye!" and actually RUNS away like we're in 5th grade lol. she keeps playing these games for a while. so you can see why i am so confused lol.


anyway i seen her today....the first time we just passed and said our normal hi's.............i dunno she seemed normal, i was prob more scared "like omg there she is how is she going to react".....then she was.........then also i seen her cuz i had to help someone next to her, and she jumped in the converstaion, making eye contact with me and smiling. but not exectly being anything more then "friendly"....

 

[got_lost]

Dude....

Read your own post again sweetheart!

You are giving her as many mixed signals as she is giving you!

The pair of you need your heads knocking together and both have crap communication skills when it comes to each other cos you're both double and triple thinking everything.

Take a chill pill and ask her out to lunch, or better still, dinner and clear the air!

 

[got_lost]

ps - just in case you are not even sure how to broach that.... just ask her if she would please come out to dinner one evening as you just would like to talk to her, spend some time with her and clear the air as you miss her and miss being good friends with her.

Once out, I am sure she'll meet you half way and you can thrash it all out with her and resolve all the misunderstandings :smile:

Good luck!

 

[D_Della Doubledees]

1. How long between the first and second lunch?

Could it be that she thought you were advancing too fast for her, even if you were thinking that you were just friends? If it was twice in the same week, and she had just broken up with her boyfriend, then maybe she felt she wasn't ready to have anyone else "feel" anything for her.... other than friendship....

regardless of your intentions, you may have come off as moving in too quickly for her.

Maybe ask her to lunch again, and, if you have a fun time... ask her if she wouldn't mind a weekly lunch date with her... friends only... and pick a specific day of the week. It might give you a nice way to rekindle your friendship, with a set boundary in place.

Two things might come out of that... if she likes you... you'll get closer. If she thinks you're still moving in too fast... she might start to continually invite another co-worker along to protect the conversation from getting too personal. Either way, you'll know a little better where you stand.

 

[bigdog83]

well........the second time i asked was about a week after the first lunch. i am really really shy.......it took me alot of balls to ask this girl out.........we hadnt really even talked before the first lunch, just small talk and alot of flirting and teasing......we knew nothing about each other, but she went, and it was just the 2 of us.


the thing is, she already told me no, like i never have a chance again.........how do i ask her, and not seem like im desperate or annoying....when i had told her, "ok if you change your mind just let me know".

i have a question, the first lunch we learned alot about each other......and she didnt mention anything about a bf........not even when she told me what she likes to do and who she hangs out with........"ya know, i just like to hang out with my friends, blah blah". i knew she had a bf, because i heard her talking about him......but she didnt know i knew that and she didnt bring him up..........that means she was interested right and not just trying to be nice or anything???

 

[D_Della Doubledees]

well........the second time i asked was about a week after the first lunch. i am really really shy.......it took me alot of balls to ask this girl out.........we hadnt really even talked before the first lunch, just small talk and alot of flirting and teasing......we knew nothing about each other, but she went, and it was just the 2 of us.

sounds like a reasonable amount of time.... but maybe you asked her at a bad time, and are interpreting her "no" too harshly. Hard to say.

the thing is, she already told me no, like i never have a chance again.........how do i ask her, and not seem like im desperate or annoying....when i had told her, "ok if you change your mind just let me know".

Silly as it sounds, you could just tell her that you enjoyed your lunch together, and if she'd like to do it again, to let you know. The ball is in her court that way.

i have a question, the first lunch we learned alot about each other......and she didnt mention anything about a bf........not even when she told me what she likes to do and who she hangs out with........"ya know, i just like to hang out with my friends, blah blah". i knew she had a bf, because i heard her talking about him......but she didnt know i knew that and she didnt bring him up..........that means she was interested right and not just trying to be nice or anything???

Not necessarily... she may just be interested in you as a friend. If she takes you up on the lunch offer again, that is what you may want to assume. If she continues flirting and you end up going to lunch more and more (alone).... there's no reason you can't say, "so what does your boyfriend do?" That doesn't scream "I want to date you"... and it might open a door for you.

 

[bigdog83]

Not necessarily... she may just be interested in you as a friend. If she takes you up on the lunch offer again, that is what you may want to assume. If she continues flirting and you end up going to lunch more and more (alone).... there's no reason you can't say, "so what does your boyfriend do?" That doesn't scream "I want to date you"... and it might open a door for you.

i dont get this part.......if she was interested in a friend........why wouldnt she say she she hangs out with her bf....just to give me a heads up if she thought i like her........also if she was interested as a friend, the second time, why didnt she say, "lets just go as friends,ok".

 

[CaptainChaos]

If you are getting multiple signals of her interest, then just be direct. State the truth. Say exactly what you're thinking.

example:
"hi, i think you're kinda cool, you should give me ur number because im doing this awesome fun thing this weekend and you should come. bla bla bla...."

If she says no, who cares...dating co-workers is a slippery slope anyways. Dont do anything to make your working relationship awkward.

 

[Honey123]

All you have to do is ask if she wants to grab a drink after work. You don't have to make it into a big deal. Some women just need to have the guy do the asking, it's old school I know, but sometimes I feel like if the guy wanted to spend time with me, he would. It just never works out for me if I do the asking.

 

[bigdog83]

All you have to do is ask if she wants to grab a drink after work. You don't have to make it into a big deal. Some women just need to have the guy do the asking, it's old school I know, but sometimes I feel like if the guy wanted to spend time with me, he would. It just never works out for me if I do the asking.

damn, i just wrote a long reply and got a page not found error and lost everything......a short verison of it is.......if a girl isnt aggressive towards me......i dont know what to do and think shes not interested. its even worst with me being so shy......i mean ive been taped to the bed out of no where(lol),bought drinks, etc etc.......if a girl doesnt come flat out and jump on me, i dont know what to do.


this girl is a straight 10....in looks and personality. her personailty is down to earth,a normal nice girl.....not a stuck up bitch that knows shes hot. as hot as she is, i dont think she gets hit on all that much just because of how pretty and how she carries herself....but for the few guys that have the balls, all she prob does is sit back and look pretty and let them do the work. do u think this is true for someone of her looks and personailty??

maybe our non-aggressiveness behavior caused some of this???

 

[D_Della Doubledees]

i dont get this part.......if she was interested in a friend........why wouldnt she say she she hangs out with her bf....just to give me a heads up if she thought i like her........also if she was interested as a friend, the second time, why didnt she say, "lets just go as friends,ok".

Probably for the same reason you didn't say, "I like you, and I want to be friends, but you confuse me when you walk up to me out of the blue, flirt with me, rubbing your tits on me and then just walk away".

Some things are a bit more complex. Like WOMEN. LOL.

It could be ANYTHING with women...

For example....

She might just really like the attention and is insecure about herself... meaning that when guys drool over her, she gets the validation that she needs to feel good about herself and that makes up for her low self esteem. There's ALOT of girls out there like that, and it's not that she's fucking with your head, so much as it is that she doesn't KNOW that's why she's doing it.

-OR-

She might still HAVE a boyfriend, and wants to dump him, but can't decide if it's worth losing him to go out with someone else.

MOST of the time, quite honestly, you don't NEED girls like that anyway. Those are the ones who can't be alone, and hop from relationship to relationship.

I'd save your site for more stable fish in the sea. Ones that don't play games. I wouldn't ignore her, per say, but I'd probably NOT encourage her to flirt with you, because neither of you are getting anything healthy out of that endeavor. If she chooses to snap out of the *sexual deviant*/flirt mode and choose to be REAL with you.... then you have a keeper.

 

[D_Della Doubledees]

I'm sorry, Bigdog83, after reading your reply to Honey's suggestion, I didn't realize you were quite that shy. Being shy poses a problem that isn't always comfortable or easy to deal with, and I hope that my remarks didn't sound too dismissive to your situation.

It's really hard to tell with the information you've posted, as to what this girl might be thinking, but maybe it's a sign that you have to take risks and go out on a limb once-in-a-while, and tell people how you really feel, even when it isn't comfortable. It's not easy, and it sucks... especially if you don't get the outcome you are hoping for. You might get your heart scuffed up or your pride bruised in the process, but it WILL make you a more confident, self-assured person... and you will start to weed out the ones you DON'T want a LOT faster.

I hope it works out for well for you.

 

[bigdog83]

well, i have a few excuses to go over there......so hopefully i can make small talk with her........but either way there is nothing wrong with just going over there for no reason and saying hi right???its not creapy or anything??? im just asking because i still dont know where we stand......if she hates me, cant stand me, or wants to be my friend......