Ladies, do you often want cuddling for comfort?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by D_Tina_Ciao, Aug 5, 2009.

  1. D_Tina_Ciao

    D_Tina_Ciao Account Disabled

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    Ladies, I've been celibate for 4 1/2 years (I hate celibacy but am not a slut and can't have sex without love, have only loved one man) anyway, I am very sexual and miss sex greatly, but I'm finding I miss the comfort of strong arms around me, sitting on my man's lap, cuddling, sleeping spoons, touching - just the whole physical intimacy thing even more than just the sex.

    Are there many times when you want or need touching, affection, cuddling, lap-sitting, stroking, massages, arms around you, those physical signs and demonstrations of caring as much as you want sex?

    Do you ever crave arms to comfort you and cuddle you?
    (I wish I could find a man nearby just to cuddle me) I'm curious about those of you who have access to sex and affection and those who are like me, without, as well as those who might have one (sex or affection/love), but not the other.

    Thanks to anyone who answers - trying to sort this all out. :smile:
     
  2. Gillette

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    Oh hell yes!

    Just recently I ran into my ex-fiance after not having seen him for more than 8 years. Last week we had a chance to sit and talk and play catch up. We got to talking about crap relationships we'd had since then and we shared a commiserative hug...

    I lost it. It hit me just how long it had been since I had been held by someone who truly cared for me and I bawled. Pure pity party and it should have been awkward but he understood and held me until I regained my composure. That's twice he's been there for me when I fell to pieces and I'm so grateful to him for that. However, our fundamental differences are still fundamentally different, so...

    Moving forward, alone, with a fresh awareness of something missing. And keenly aware of how ugly the crash is going to be when my father passes (not imminent but after five surgeries for cancer and a heart attack, it's coming).

    It sucks.

    But finding 'some guy' to cuddle you doesn't work. There's no comfort to be had if the genuine care isn't there. It really does need to be the right guy. Same goes for something as simple as spooning.
     
    #2 Gillette, Aug 5, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2009
  3. IntoxicatingToxin

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    I crave it like crazy. Especially lately. I had gone about 10.5 months without sex or dating or anything else and had sort of "shut off" the part of my brain that had any desire for intimacy. Then I ended up having sex with a friend of mine. Big mistake. That opened the floodgates, and I've been craving the affection ever since. I fall asleep at night daydreaming of the man of my dreams laying behind me, arms and legs around me holding me tight. I find that when I hug my friends (male usually), I always hug them for a second or two longer than I normally would. Like I just don't want to let go. :frown1: It's to the point now where sex is the last thing in the world on my mind. I just wish I had someone by my side.

    Ugh, I'm gonna start crying now!
     
  4. Principessa

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    Yes, don't get me wrong Tex is a great guy; and always up for a good snuggle. Unfortunately, truckers aren't always there when you need them to be. :frown1:
     
  5. B_Dustydo

    B_Dustydo New Member

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    Not wanting to offer a gross generalization about "all men"
    but they seem to see a cuddle, a hug a kiss or a look as a prelude to sex and not just as comfort and closeness for their Lady.

    We see cuddling as an affirmation of closeness and they see it as "Oh great! We're going to have sex!".

    It can be very frustrating for both parties.
     
  6. Enid

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    i had the opposite of this in my last relationship. the last half of it (4 yrs total) he preferred just cuddling (no sex). i grew to dislike this immensely. the one without the other i mean. now i have both which is veddy nice.

    i agree with g, it has to be the right person.

    if i didn't have sex, would i crave cuddling separate from that? no, i don't think so. but only because either/or just seems ehh to me.
     
    #6 Enid, Aug 5, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2009
  7. MickeyLee

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    i so deleted foolishness from the serious thread. the body hug to Ms. Gillette is still on the playing field.

    for serious comment.

    i've never ran into a boy who didn't like cuddling. from my boyfriend to my be-fri (a very gay young man so i don't think he was cuddling as sex bait) all my guy friends have been ever so physically affectionate.

    hours spent on the couch, trying to twist long bodies into limited cushion space. the boy and meself are close enough to share kidneys. spoon hugs with neck nuzzling. arms locked around my waist. my hands in his pockets. thumbs hooked in his belt loop when humidity makes hand holding too sweaty. kisses. nibbles. how his hand always finds my hip whenever his hands ain't otherwise occupied. using his lap as a pillow. connect the dots with freckles and moles. we have an ease with each other i wouldn't trade for anything.

    i need bristle breaded affection from big ol' daddy types. rib bending hugs that lift you off ya feet. *butchboy squee*

    i have spent heaps of time sitting on the lap of a friend when chairs/seating are at a premium. shoulders are so made to rest a chin on.

    piggy back rides. indian leg wrestling. tackles. glomps. power spooning. i've kinda learned to walk in a roaming cuddle puddle.

    not having physical affection from boys would totally suck. :frown:

    i need to count my blessings more often. i've been very lucky.
     
  8. badgirl22

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    Not the topic here but wanted to comment on this part. I can easily have sex without love because I don't think the two things necessarily go hand in hand and I'd don't consider satisfying my sexual health needs to be slutty (we are sexual beings after all and created to enjoy it). There needs to be a connection but that connection does not have to be love. Having been in a sexless relationship for 13 years I'll never go without it again - I don't fall in love easily but want sexual satisfaction. I'm crushed for you that it's been so long. Why does sex have to be tied to love? Those sexual needs should be fed right along with your other bodily needs. It releases all sorts of good things in your body (all those lovely endorphines).

    Ok, back on topic... if I trust someone and feel extremely comfortable with them, I find myself wanting to be enveloped in their arms. But, this is rare for me to be that comfortable with someone or to actually crave it. I think the thing for me is when I truly feel the person has caring feelings for me and the hugs are truly genuine I love them. But, it's not hugs I need for comfort. I need the companionship for comfort far more. This I can get from dear friends, male or female.

    Having just experienced the end to a fast and furious relationship I found myself wanting comfort from one person and one person only - him. I had plenty of friends who wanted to offer it up but it just wasn't happening for me - didn't want it at all - in fact, that type of comforting makes me uncomfortable. But I think it's normal to crave that type of bonding with someone - no one ever accused me of being normal though.
     
  9. Fleur

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    I agree...cuddling is awesome and it's great when it leads to sex sometimes but cuddling != sex...sometimes it's just for intimacy and affection and comfort.

    Anyway... I love cuddles!!!!!!!!! <3
     
  10. PrincessBlueEyez

    PrincessBlueEyez New Member

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    I can't cuddle without the sex, and cant have sex without afterwards cuddling. Im not one that can have sex without love, so that does complicate things, but yeh LG, I need me some cuddles on a regular basis, even if it doesnt lead to or follow sex everytime.
     
  11. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    before my current relationship when i was celibate, all of the cuddling, spooning, play-fighting, hand-holding, etc was what i missed the most about being close to someone. i didn't miss having a boyfriend during the time when i was single... i did miss sex A LOT, but the feeling of someone snuggling right next to me was what i missed even more. to me, it's only natural for all of us imperfect creatures to feel the way we do, and to want to have a connection with someone else on that particular level.
     
  12. the_reverend

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    if i can defend my gender for a moment here...there are plenty of us who love cuddling for its own sake. back in high school and college, i actually had a handful of female friends who would come over or invite me over and we'd just cuddle for a while or they'd sleep over and nothing else ever happened. it's absolutely comforting and a feeling of affection and connection...not always even a romantic or sexual one, either. i'll admit to being attracted to those girls, but in those instances i never tried to move it beyond the cuddling and holding because that was enough, it was what we both needed.

    i was actually a bit upset and confused when i hooked up with a friend of mine a few times last year...she's actually very touch oriented and affectionate, but after sex she practically refused to cuddle. i didn't know what to do with that. i mean, my last girlfriend didn't like to cuddle when we were falling asleep, but we'd lie there for a long time before she was ready to drift off holding each other and actually loved cuddling in bed, on the couch, on the floor, where ever. but this girl said she needed her own space after sex, going to sleep, all of it. and was very up front and honest about it, but still...it felt strange NOT to cuddle.

    i haven't had a good cuddle in a long time, sexually related or otherwise...actually, since she was the last girl i slept with, i haven't cuddled in a longer time than i've had sex! and that was back in December! and a lot of times, i think i miss the cuddling more than the sex (which isn't to say i don't miss the sex...oh, great muppety Odin, how i miss that sex...). i'm a big hugger with my friends, occasional hand holder, incredibly touch oriented so i draw what comfort i can from that, but...it's not the same.

    so, speaking as a male, i'm definitely a cuddle junkie independent of any sex that may or may not occur. and i know i'm not the only one. and i also know there's some of you ladies out there not doing your part to cuddle. lol!
     
  13. B_Dustydo

    B_Dustydo New Member

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    Obviously I NEED more of your sort of men in my life! :cool:
     
  14. D_Tina_Ciao

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    WE ALL DO!!! Bravo, reverend! (I'm so touchy-feely and yearn for intimacy - hard not to have anything.)

    Oh, and about the
    sex being tied to love thing - I won't apologize - it's how I was made - part of my soul. I was in a marriage with 5-minute sex for him (no satisfaction for me), but without love, for 31 years and will never "settle" again. Not saying women different from me are sluts, just that I would be if I were not true to what I am. I know myself extremely well. I cannot separate sex and love - must have both together.

    And I do miss the cuddles, AND sex. *sigh* :frown1:
     
    #14 D_Tina_Ciao, Aug 6, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2009
  15. B_Bonky

    B_Bonky New Member

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    If I'm sick of screwing the girl, I can cuddle without sex no problem.
     
  16. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    I like that picture of you, let's get married and has five kids, k?
     
  17. PrincessBlueEyez

    PrincessBlueEyez New Member

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    lol this girl isnt having more than three kids, max.
     
  18. StraightCock4Her

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    So, 8 kids is out of the question? Sadness :frown1:
     
  19. Ramsey

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    I'm still in the fresher stages of break-up and so I'm missing the closeness and physical intimacy, and just falling asleep with someone in my arms terribly much.
    Sadly that was the best bond my last girl and I shared together. But she never wanted to stop hugging and I really do miss that. Spooning. Having her lay on top of me. Falling asleep on the couch on our sides with her squeezed up against me. Nuzzling my face against hers. As much as I need sex, I need all of the rest of physical intimacy. Crave it. Heck, I'm even willing to give tons of backrubs and footrubs just for cuddling alone!
     
  20. the_reverend

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    we're out there. just keep your eyes, and your arms, open. :cool:
     
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