Ego, she tells me to wake her up anytime of the night or day if I want it. Well she never makes me want it... She loved it when we did it, we had to put towels on the bed, it was soaked when we got done. another thing it never feels as though I am completely in her vagina. I can't feel any warmth or juice around my shaft just around the head of my cock. Without that great feeling of me being deep inside her I go limp rather quickly. Thanks EGO......
Do you know what kind of views sh has about gender roles in a relationship? If I had to hazard a guess, I would say she believes a woman's presence is arousing enough, and that it is your job, as a man, to find ways to bring her up to your presumed level of arousal. Obviously, if that is how she thinks, she is mistaken. Of course you need to be wooed.
If I'm on the right track, and probably even if I'm not, the only cure is communication. And it won't be easy or fun. How are you supposed to make he understand that she isn't arousing you without hurting her feelings, if in her paradigm her mere existence is supposed to be irresistible to you? I certainly don't know.
Maybe the whole dialogue doesn't have to take place all at once. Maybe you could ask her some questions about what makes her look forward with eager anticipation to a lovemaking session. Maybe her answer will give you insight, or at least an opportunity to discuss what makes you eager.
Maybe you just hit her over the head with it. I once had a lover I wasn't too sure about. He was twice my age, had started pursuing me before I broke off my engagement, and had a girlfriend. I was into him, but I felt guilty. I made him do all the work. He had to call me, he had to invite me out, he had to make it physical. I was never proactive in our relationship. I was always passive. One day he just blurted out that he wasn't even sure I liked him, or if I just liked presents and rides in his car. He said I never ever made he first move with him. I told him I hated his car, but I loved him, and I would try to show it more. His outburst resolved the problem. I even told him about my guilt. He explained that he was never going to be faithful to a woman ever again because of some emotional baggage we'd discussed previously. If not me, then someone else, and at least I wasn't interested in hurting his girlfriend, or him. His outburst had opened up freer communication between us.
The last advice I can think of is this. It doesn't matter what my husband does, I'm just not interested in fucking him anymore. At all. I know why, I just don't know what to do about it, and I'm not motivated to figure out what to do about it long-term right now. I keep trying to get him to go fuck someone else and leave me out of it. It's that bad right now. But I don't know how to talk to him about my feelings. The last thing I want is to hurt him. So, as a temporary solution, until I feel safe talking about it, until I feel safe trying to resolve it, I have found a way to trick myself. When I can tell he wants to have sex, I go primp like I have a date. I imagine someone specific who I do want to fuck, and get myself ready for that man. When I approach my husband, I imagine I'm leading him to a threesome with that dude. During sex, I pretend the three of us are playing, and I stay very focused on my fantasy. This way, I don't have to face my problem until I'm ready, and my husband isn't getting hurt nor neglected. It is NOT a sustainable solution. I need to get my shit together and solve the real problem. But in the interim...
Anyway, I hope I have been at least a little helpful. Hopefully I'm not so dysfunctional that I can't help at all. Good luck either way.