Ladies, how much ejaculatory control do you want in a man?

[Spurting9]

OK, I don't pretend this list to be comprehensive or well-thought-out -- it's just some of the scenarios that have come up when talking to women:


A guy with high sensitivity to your stimulation and quickly cums uncontrollably
Believe it or not I've met women who value this. My old roommate's girlfriend let on in various jokes and situations the fact she gets off quickly and she liked the fact my roommate could be quickly finished off once she was ready to call it a night. She also liked the fact she could give him a BJ when she wasn't interested in sex and know he'd take less time than she spends waiting for her morning toast.


A guy with detachment that requires lengthy, intense stimulation to cum
The classic porn-stud ideal -- exactly what my roommate's girlfriend didn't want. But there's other women who want men that know their limits, pace themselves, and can go the whole night long and only need to cum at the very end, with plenty of warning. How many women get an extra sense of satisfaction knowing they had to work for the big finale?


A guy with strong PC muscles that sometimes leak but prevent cumming early
I had a girlfriend who said she was turned on by how she could ride her ex until the sweat was running from the folds under her breasts, and he'd keep gritting his teeth and not give in to temptation or his ejaculatory reflex kicking in. Once she let up on the stimulation and he relaxed, a spurt of cum would drool out, so it wasn't a complete shut-out, and repeated cycles of this would get messy. But she found the emotion of it very sexy.


A guy with a short or no refractory period and can cum multiple times in a row
When I was a teenager I could just keep going, so I didn't really see self-control as a goal. Now I've got some downtime after cumming, but not much. Some women use this to slow me down by getting the first one out of the way quickly.

 

[The Dragon]

Each situation has it's perks and it's downfalls.

I like a man who has a certain amount of control over when he orgasms.

But for my mind it's not how quickly a man cums, it's how quickly he can get hard again and keep going.

Edited to add: There is no ability to choose multiple answers.

 

[Jewelzapop]

Yeah, I'd have to choose multiple answers too. Depends on the night and the mood. Although "high sensitivity to your stimulation and quickly cums uncontrollably" turns me on to no end, I'd like it to continue after that. =P But I love knowing that he's so aroused and so tuned in to me that every little touch I give could send him through the roof at any moment. I like experiencing cause and effect, knowing that it's me keeping him in ecstasy, and when he cums, knowing that I made it happen. Suppose it's a (repressed) power trip thing. *shrugs*

 

[Spurting9]

It's interesting that you mention the power thing, because that's the impression I got from my roommate's girlfriend -- I was actually going to elaborate and say it seemed to be a control thing for her -- she liked being able to toy with him for however long she wanted and decide exactly how and exactly when he emptied his balls in one huge eruption, like Old Faithful -- after that he was done for the evening, no exceptions. Gave her a sense of power. Also, I got the impression she didn't like sex to be a long and sweaty affair, but rather a frequent and easy affair. She didn't enjoy grinding down the guy's self-control or waiting for him to wear himself out. Or that's what she hinted at in jokes, at least.

 

[B_subgirrl]

A guy with high sensitivity to your stimulation and quickly cums uncontrollably

This guy would be very inappropriate for me. For me, sex is all about penetration, and I want/need a lot of it. He'd leave me feeling totally unfulfilled.

A guy with detachment that requires lengthy, intense stimulation to cum

My FB is like this. He takes a long time, which is PERFECT for me. For me it's not about having to work for the big finale though. For me it's just that he keeps going long enough for me to be satisfied. I like fucking guys who can leave me feeling utterly drained when they're done with me.

However, I've also experienced the negative side of this. An ex of mine pretty much couldn't cum during sex. The few times he did, we'd been fucking for four hours plus. Four hours straight wouldn't be problem with some partners but with him, it didn't work at all.

A guy with strong PC muscles that sometimes leak but prevent cumming early

As long as he can keep going long enough to get me somewhat close to my limits, I'm happy.

A guy with a short or no refractory period and can cum multiple times in a row

As above, as long as he can recover quickly enough to keep me in my happy place, I'd be fine with him.

 

[Jewelzapop]

It's interesting that you mention the power thing, because that's the impression I got from my roommate's girlfriend -- I was actually going to elaborate and say it seemed to be a control thing for her -- she liked being able to toy with him for however long she wanted and decide exactly how and exactly when he emptied his balls in one huge eruption, like Old Faithful -- after that he was done for the evening, no exceptions. Gave her a sense of power. Also, I got the impression she didn't like sex to be a long and sweaty affair, but rather a frequent and easy affair. She didn't enjoy grinding down the guy's self-control or waiting for him to wear himself out. Or that's what she hinted at in jokes, at least.

Ooh, see though, I am ALL for long sweaty affairs. The longer and the sweatier the better "grinding down the guy's self-control" = hotter than my afformentioned scenario, "Waiting for him to wear himself out" sounds unfulfilling. One thing I can't stand is guys (or anyone, for that matter) who approach sex as a simultaneous but separate effort - essentially masturbating themselves inside of me (well, okay, sometimes that can be ridiculously hot, lol - as long as that's not always their m.o.) If he can concentrate and focus on what he's feeling and what I'm doing to him/what I'm feeling and what he's doing to me and still maintain control (cumming multiple times or not) long enough to satisfy us both, then that's ideal. Just so long as he's totally in the game and painfully aware of every single sensation and not using techniques to last longer that would hamper his congnizance or pleasure.

edit: With #1, I think it's also knowing that he's "giving in" to the pleasure rather than resisting it in an attempt to last longer that turns me on - knowing that he's just surrendered himself to me.

...but on the other hand, the thought of him holding out as long as possible in order to satisfy me...keeping him on that edge for hours...him mustering up every bit of strength and harnessing every bit of power he has in order to keep on... that's ridiculously hot too.

So, basically, I think I just want it all. lol.

 

[tross87]

My FB is like this. He takes a long time, which is PERFECT for me. For me it's not about having to work for the big finale though. For me it's just that he keeps going long enough for me to be satisfied. I like fucking guys who can leave me feeling utterly drained when they're done with me.

However, I've also experienced the negative side of this. An ex of mine pretty much couldn't cum during sex. The few times he did, we'd been fucking for four hours plus. Four hours straight wouldn't be problem with some partners but with him, it didn't work at all.

Curious about this if it isn't too much of a problem to elaborate?

 

[B_subgirrl]

Curious about this if it isn't too much of a problem to elaborate?

He just couldn't cum during sex. In the four years we were together, I think he came less than five times. The few times he did, it was after four plus hours of trying. It was probably so unenjoyable because we were only doing it to see if he'd cum eventually.

 

[syagash]

He just couldn't cum during sex. In the four years we were together, I think he came less than five times. The few times he did, it was after four plus hours of trying. It was probably so unenjoyable because we were only doing it to see if he'd cum eventually.

I had a similar issue after my operation. Due to nerve damage and loss of sensation I could not cum, thankfully over the next twelve months some of the sensation returned. I needed to get in the right frame of mind to cum where before the physical stimulation was enough.
I am pretty happy with how I am now, I can easily last half an hour to an hour which allows for more quality and quantity of penetration:biggrin1:.
Only down side is that my partner has cum a few times by the time i get there once and she doesn't feel up to it for a few days again.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I had a similar issue after my operation. Due to nerve damage and loss of sensation I could not cum, thankfully over the next twelve months some of the sensation returned. I needed to get in the right frame of mind to cum where before the physical stimulation was enough.
I am pretty happy with how I am now, I can easily last half an hour to an hour which allows for more quality and quantity of penetration:biggrin1:.
Only down side is that my partner has cum a few times by the time i get there once and she doesn't feel up to it for a few days again.

Half an hour to an hour is a pretty good time frame, I think. But she doesn't feel up to it again for a few days afterward :frown1:? Is that because of pain or mood?

 

[Spurting9]

Wow, this is already a popular poll with a lot of comments. Thanks, ladies.

Current votes are:
0 - High sensitivity
3 - Mental detachment
4 - Muscle control
6 - Short refractory time

Regarding the requests for multiple-choice, that defeats the purpose of the question: to make you choose what's the most desirable quality.

I find it interesting that several have praised men that "honestly" ejaculate when stimulated by a woman's efforts, but nobody has picked it as the most desirable quality.

There's also a lot of praise for men that can sustain intense penetration, and I guess if you add mental detachment and muscle control together, that preference is reflected in the voting.

What's also interesting is the two options getting the most votes -- muscle control and short refractory time, are the one that are getting none of the discussion. Since I'm the latter and not the former (except for brief periods), I would be curious to hear more discussion on why they're picking one vs. the other, since both are getting picked a lot.

 

[curious_angel]

I chose short refactory period. For me the main difference between this and muscle control, is that there's more cum involved with the former.

 

[syagash]

Half an hour to an hour is a pretty good time frame, I think. But she doesn't feel up to it again for a few days afterward :frown1:? Is that because of pain or mood?

She doesn't mention pain to me it's just that she isn't in the mood again for a few days:frown1:.
On rare occasions she might be up for it earlier but that only happens once every few months.
I think there are other factors also where insufficient sleep and physical fitness also reduce here libido. Having two demanding kids and a full time job doesn't help either.
As a guy it doesn't matter if I am tired I am always up for it and I try to remain in some sort of physical condition which also helps me last longer:smile:.

 

[Ramsey]

I can cum from sex, it can take me a bit sometimes but if the sensation on the top of my knob is just right, she can make me cum pretty quickly. Usually on our sides in a sort of spoon position will stimulate me just right to make me lose control, but if I'm in a dominant position I can last longer and I like to work her over longer... If things are going right I'm usually in the 30-60 minute range.

My problem is cumming from oral or just letting her have total control, I feel bad because I don't want her to feel bad about her skills.

 

[thehighheelsgirl]

My boyfriend cums pretty easy on the first time, but he gets it up again pretty quick and once he's cum the first time, he's pretty hard to get to cum again, so we can fuck forever after that. If I know I just want to fuck forevever, I'll blow him an hour before and then we don't worry about it.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

I chose short refractory.

 

[MickeyLee]

my vote went to short refractory time.

the word detachment makes me jenny sad. i wouldn't want my boy thinking about baseball or dead kittens trying to hold back his orgasm, i much prefer him to be in the moment.

sometimes a quick orgasm from him is incredibley hot. knowing he's that turned on, watching him just get rolled up in a spine shivering orgasm. usually happens in those slam me into the wall, rip off our clothes sex, bruisy, frenzy of fornication.

when his kness buckle. so hot.

lucky for me he's got almost no recovering time. he can cum, stay inside me and regain his erection.

my boy is gifted. :biggrin1:

 

[The Dragon]

my vote went to short refractory time.

the word detachment makes me jenny sad. i wouldn't want my boy thinking about baseball or dead kittens trying to hold back his orgasm, i much prefer him to be in the moment.

sometimes a quick orgasm from him is incredibley hot. knowing he's that turned on, watching him just get rolled up in a spine shivering orgasm. usually happens in those slam me into the wall, rip off our clothes sex, bruisy, frenzy of fornication.

when his kness buckle. so hot.

lucky for me he's got almost no recovering time. he can cum, stay inside me and regain his erection.

my boy is gifted. :biggrin1:

*PHEW!*

Darling, I don't think he's the only one!:wink:

 

[B_subgirrl]

She doesn't mention pain to me it's just that she isn't in the mood again for a few days:frown1:.
On rare occasions she might be up for it earlier but that only happens once every few months.
I think there are other factors also where insufficient sleep and physical fitness also reduce here libido. Having two demanding kids and a full time job doesn't help either.

:frown1: It sounds like tiredness could be a big factor.

the word detachment makes me jenny sad. i wouldn't want my boy thinking about baseball or dead kittens trying to hold back his orgasm, i much prefer him to be in the moment.

I didn't see the detachment one this way at all. My FB, lasts a terribly long time, but isn't trying to hold back his orgasm. It just takes a while. And I would give every cent I have that he isn't thinking about anything but sex at the time.

I do agree with you in one sense though - I do NOT want them thinking about baseball or dead kittens while they're fucking me!

 

[RawDog]

My boyfriend cums pretty easy on the first time, but he gets it up again pretty quick and once he's cum the first time, he's pretty hard to get to cum again, so we can fuck forever after that. If I know I just want to fuck forevever, I'll blow him an hour before and then we don't worry about it.

This is me to the letter, with the exception of my refractory period. I'm seeing success nowadays in getting it shorter and shorter (down to about 15 minutes now), but I'd rather be likehow MickeyLee described it:

lucky for me he's got almost no recovering time. he can cum, stay inside me and regain his erection.

my boy is gifted. :biggrin1:

This, I'm green with envy.

I didn't see the detachment one this way at all. My FB, lasts a terribly long time, but isn't trying to hold back his orgasm. It just takes a while. And I would give every cent I have that he isn't thinking about anything but sex at the time.

I do agree with you in one sense though - I do NOT want them thinking about baseball or dead kittens while they're fucking me!

Yeah, when I read the word "detachment" I thought to myself this described me when I'm in perma-hard mode, but not the detachment part. Sometimes the fucking itself is so much more incredible than the orgasm, I want to get the ejaculation out of the way and proceed with the sex instead.

EDIT: I also wanted to mention to the OP, great idea for a thread and hope you get a lot of feedback.