Thanks guys for your views,
I think the reason I never bring the problem up is the fear of being denied any intimacy at all and also knowing her difficult past.
I know I should have mentioned it before but she was abused as a child by a close relative, She told me a year after we met and said it was not letting it ruin her life, she told her mother after the abuser had died, wrong I know.
We have been together for over 30+ years and I believe she wants us to be together for life.
She has been away for a week with our daughter; back next week. but our daughter is staying with us for a few more weeks so it will be hard to bring the subject up untill she leaves.
I understand it can be hard. It was hard for me to face some things in my past, but I feel freer now for it. Not facing it doesn't make things go away. It compounds it and causes more problems over the years, IMO.
I had emo "issues"
and medical stuff going on, not always the same time, but both cropping up to affect what went on between us, including my denying sex. Getting through it was like peeling things off in layers.
I had a period where that feeling, having a libido, just didn't exist. My sweet Infid3l maried a nymphette, someone who wanted it all the time, then off and on, then nothing, and now a fuckbeast again. We've both learned a lot about ourselves and eachother and I think we're much better people for it.
There's no way I would have sex just because my mate wanted it. 1) it's like a charity fuck, and he deserves better than that, 2) I want him to know that when we do it I
want him, it's mutual, and 3) if he would have forced his needs on me I would have felt violated in a bad way. That would have made our problems worse.
I know it was really really hard for Infid3l, because
he told me, and it was very hard for me, between guilt and hating myself for not wanting it, but we made it through.
I think that facing it will be rough, and not facing it has obviously been rough. I don't know if one will be worse than the other. Boils down to where you want to be in the future. With her, or without her, and getting or giving her the help she needs to face things and move forward.
When we were having a really rough patch, Infid3l told me that he didn't want to lose me; he wanted me to be his wife, in his life, his love, even if we never had sex again. Those were the most healing words I've ever experienced. I don't know where we'd be now if I hadn't have got my drive back yet, but I think I might have let him get a friend with bene's. I felt so horribly bad about not wanting sex, I didn't have the feeling but I remembered the way it felt to have the drive not met.
My heart goes out to you. I really hope you can work out whatever is best for you both.
- Kristina