Ladies:Need Your Advice/Input !!

[Crosz]

I don't believe that I'm actually going to admit this but this is
an anonymous forum and I haven't posted any pics.Anyways,
here goes...

A little background..I'm a 36 yr old guy who has never dated,never had a girlfriend and is still waiting for his first kiss.

My question is..if i were to ever get involved with someone and we
eventually get to speaking about past lovers should I reveal my
total lack of experience ? Or should I skirt around the issue by
saying "Our pasts aren't important,the only thing that matters
is what we have..right here and now " ?

Also,would you be turned off by such a guy..would you be
wary of him ? I assume that most would.

For those of you who are curious "How is it possible to be 36 and
have NO experience whatsoever ?"

1)low level of confidence
2)zero charisma/personality
3)poor conversational skills
4)avoidant personality disorder;not as scary as it sounds

 

[daddyknows]

From a man, not a lady:

be yourself and hopefully that is a kind person, do not be ashamed of your past and when appropriate, talk about it. if she heads for the hills then that is where she belongs. i hope you are seeing a therapist of sorts, as they can help. good luck.

 

[maestro071]

Lol, take some prostitute, professional, and not only once... several time.
Enjoy that, and after while you will become much more confident.
Than find yourself a gf, not necessarily the choice of your heart, even the older than you (they are very passionate in 40's), that would be interested in sex with you.
After two -three months you will be realised of all worries that you have now.
Believe me, there is nothing spectacular in making love and kissing, I bet you know much more about it than many so called experience lovers. You will be surprised, once you start practicing that. Will laugh at all your thoughts now!
Good lover - Its all about things in your head and how much are you ready to give yourself.
So, get a guts and do it !! (Just use protection/condoms)
Wish you all luck!
Enjoy, lol

 

[daddyknows]

oh yeah, and one other thing...it doesn't hurt to have a great ice breaker like maestro071's cock to get things going. after all ...see my signature!

 

[Not_Punny]

If I were you, I'd go to a Tony Robbins event. His stuff works for some people, and you'll possibly get a little more confident about yourself.

And although I'm hesitant to recommend it, seeing a "working girl" might be a good idea. But go to Nevada where many sex workers get regular health check ups.

BUT NOT IN LAS VEGAS -- prostitution is not regulated in that county, so there could be a lot of health issues there. This Wikipedia article tells where to go - there's a link to a list of brothels, and then you can look them up online.

 

[daddyknows]

let's all settle down here as this is not that big a deal. if you want some quick, easy and proven pointers, message me privately. men struggle with the same issue when dealing with other men.

 

[morsecode]

I hear ya, I'm exactly like that, except for the avoidant personality disorder, I haven't been diagnosed with anything, probably because I distrust shrinks, and try to get away from them. I'm 21 now, but I can see myself at 40 and being the same way, which is probably not very nice.

 

[Runco]

I hear ya, I'm exactly like that, except for the avoidant personality disorder, I haven't been diagnosed with anything, probably because I distrust shrinks, and try to get away from them. I'm 21 now, but I can see myself at 40 and being the same way, which is probably not very nice.

Forget not very nice. I would imagine it would be very lonely.

 

[morsecode]

Forget not very nice. I would imagine it would be very lonely.

you don't have to tell me, I'm living it right now, the thought of being in the same situation at middle age scares me, I can't possibly think that it would be better than Hell, not a little bit better.

 

[Runco]

you don't have to tell me, I'm living it right now, the thought of being in the same situation at middle age scares me, I can't possibly think that it would be better than Hell, not a little bit better.

Well nothing is going to change unless you strive to change it. What you need my man is a plan. What are you going to do about it? As a first step. It doesn't have to be anything huge.

 

[morsecode]

Well nothing is going to change unless you strive to change it. What you need my man is a plan. What are you going to do about it? As a first step. It doesn't have to be anything huge.

I don't really need a plan, I don't know how it is with Crosz (but something tells me is something similar) but my first instinct is always formulate a plan, but when it comes to social situations with girls I overthink it way too much and soon after I get in a panic, and I can't really breath that well and starting feeling a void in my gut. I imagine I just need to wing it, I'd still feel the void but when I'm doing something I don't worry that much.

Sorry to hijack your thread Crosz, but are you asking because you have something in the works? to put it that way, if so congratulations!

By the way, I was staring at your avatar and I finally got the logo, it's an M, and has an e on the left, and on the right it's a bat hitting a ball, pretty cool, too bad "Nous Amours" went to Washington. (I'm not a baseball fan but that logo always escaped me)

 

[atomicTIGER]

If I were you, I'd go to a Tony Robbins event. His stuff works for some people, and you'll possibly get a little more confident about yourself.

And although I'm hesitant to recommend it, seeing a "working girl" might be a good idea. But go to Nevada where many sex workers get regular health check ups.

BUT NOT IN LAS VEGAS -- prostitution is not regulated in that county, so there could be a lot of health issues there. This Wikipedia article tells where to go - there's a link to a list of brothels, and then you can look them up online.

I can't believe someone suggested seeing a prositute! That is just simply the dumbest thing I have ever heard! No way should you do that! That is ignorant! Find a nice girl and nature will take its course! DO NOT go to a prositute! There are a hundred reasons not to--for starters they are only in it for the cash and could give a rats ass about you. Do I need to go on?

 

[singlemom091977]

I would say it would be hard to beleive but that you have not at your age. But saying that do not think it would scare me so much and it seems that is another of your issues that your scared what someone else would/will think. We all have skeletons in our closets and yours is just different not good/bad just different. So get past the fears and cocerns and move forward. Have to agree with the post that stated if she runs for the hills when finds out then she was not a match for you.

Also do agree not the best plan to seek out a "professional" for sex for many reasons. Just meet the right girl and things will take natural course and do not worry about what has or has not happened in the past.

 

[atomicTIGER]

I would say it would be hard to beleive but that you have not at your age. But saying that do not think it would scare me so much and it seems that is another of your issues that your scared what someone else would/will think. We all have skeletons in our closets and yours is just different not good/bad just different. So get past the fears and cocerns and move forward. Have to agree with the post that stated if she runs for the hills when finds out then she was not a match for you.

Also do agree not the best plan to seek out a "professional" for sex for many reasons. Just meet the right girl and things will take natural course and do not worry about what has or has not happened in the past.

You can't go wrong taking this nice ladies advice. Whatever you do DO NOT get a prositute that is just plain STUPID!

 

[maestro071]

Lol, believe me, its not stupid. There is nothing wrong in doing that. Take prostitute, ...better to spend money on them and get good time and solve the issue, than to pay a shrink...and listen advices that you already heard so many times, (so useless advices, then).
I do understand yr problem , on contrary to the other who are giving u (as they characterized practical solutions) "stupid advices" to find a nice girl. At your age you know that, but obviously you have a problem to find one. Fear to approach, or kiss her, or whatever.
The proposed solution with prostitute (not cheap one, would be excellent if u could afford and find expensive escort girl) is ideal for such situations as yours.
Its important to be done several times with different girls, not to be influenced by wrong sample. Also to get more practice and self-confidence.
You will see that yr second encounter will be quite pleasant! Third you already enjoy. ...Forth, you might not need it!
All the rest will take u time and energy and will hardly result in resolving the problem.
Drastic issues demand for drastic measures!
Having a professional lady in bed, its not so terrible and for sure not drastic nor dramatic thing. Many celebrities do that for fun!
Lol, be practical and solve the issue... Still you have plenty time and life in front of you to enjoy and find right girl...
I could pack this advice and could support that with a lot of theory and "clever & nice" advices, but it wouldn't be an honest one & no benefit out of that 4 u... (I wonder that same worried puritans didn't attack me for environmental issues and white whales, or, bla, bla...)
Wish u luck, lol

 

[morsecode]

what's wrong with taking on the services of a prostitute, a high quality one at least, I'd love to have some money and do it, it will probably make go through the road block of beatifying every woman I see, and my inability to go close to a woman (physically)

 

[outtosea]

Montreal is full of hot women! Must be tough just walking down the street on a hot summer afternoon!
Here is some advice that really helped me, I got a job selling in a busy mall, I had to approach 100's of women a day if I was to make any money. I took the job to make money but it really helped in approching people and feeling confident talking to people.
I got rejected all day long, 1 out of 20 would listen to me, but now I don't have the fear of going over and talking to anyone.
Have a cold Ricards Red and start talking to the bar maid- they are "paid to talk" to you but it builds you confindence.
Hope this helps,

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Avoidant is a hard thing to live with. I do it everyday of my life. The way I have been able to open up to people is not through having relationships but just random sex. It's self gratification and not very effective for very long.

I would suggest for someone else going through this, to get counseling and connect with a network of people who have similar disorders. There is power in numbers and understanding within these groups of people.

 

[Crosz]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond and offer advice;
appreciate it :smile:

As for seeing an escort,like some have suggested.I've thought
about it but in the end...I probably won't.I think that I would
feel bad about paying for something that others receive for
free;in a intimate relationship,with someone who wants to
be with them.

But like I said I have seriously thought about and considered
it.It is very tempting.

Montreal is full of hot women! Must be tough just walking down the street on a hot summer afternoon!

Exactly !! I assume that you've visited once or twice ??

 

[daddyknows]

my best to you. social networking in the form of friends might be an easier place to begin. there are many social clubs and don't discount the possibility of making some new buddies as they can be very supportive. keep yourself open to all forms of relationships, not just the kind that we saw on t.v. when we were young.