Ladies,Please Define Confidence (In Terms of a Man)

[Crosz]

We all know that women appreciate a confident man;and that
a lack of confidence is a big turn-off in terms of a potential
partner.

However,I've often wondered what women meant by confidence.
Can some of you ladies please give examples of confidence or
the attributes of a confident man ?

For instance,someone like myself who is VERY quiet,introverted
and withdrawn is the kind of personality that would generally
be a turn-off to most women and be the polar opposite of
confident,correct ?

 

[lamplight]

Very interesting question!

I've been thinking about this myself. Every now and then you see a really quiet guy that gets all the girls attention without doing anything. So it can't be just the external way he acts.

What IS confidence?

 

[dajunglee786]

this is a very interesting question! any women care to oblige with a good answer

 

[godiluvabig1]

For instance,someone like myself who is VERY quiet,introverted
and withdrawn is the kind of personality that would generally
be a turn-off to most women and be the polar opposite of
confident,correct ?

Quiet and introverted is not always the antithesis of confidence. Some people just take longer to warm up socially. It's normal. As someone who is quite outspoken through this and other message forums, I am pretty quiet when I first meet people; I'm the kind of person that observes others' verbal and non-verbal communication to discern the level of conversation that is best suited to the situation and person. Once I am familiarized with new people, I begin talking . A woman usually judges confidence on non-verbal cues before noticing the verbal cues, which is why men who seem quiet get attention. Quiet yes, but body language speaks louder than words.

You do not have to truly be self confident in order to exhibit self confidence. I judge the self confidence of a man based on the following:

• posture***
  • with this one, don't hunch. Use proper posture - it's not always comfortable, but it exudes confidence.
• comfort with communication*** (it's ok to be nervous, just try not to be a deer in the headlights when a woman talks to you)
• the level of language used
• the content of the conversation*** (make sure there is plenty of give and take; don't try to sell yourself too hard, because that can make you out to be arrogant - to do this, try to relate what you say to the topic of the conversation)
• look into the eyes of the woman!!! When a man looks away when talking to me, I think of one of two things based on other non-verbal communication: either the guy is lying, or he feels unworthy of the attention
• don't be scared by silence! Being able to share a moment of comfortable (not strained or nervous) silence while in the presence of an interesting woman will not only make her think you feel confident enough to be able to sit in silence, but that you are able to enjoy being together without nervous chatter (which gets a little annoying)

Hope this helps guys!

 

[D_Thoraxis_Biggulp]

Quiet and introverted can just as easily be a sign of confidence as of a lack thereof, actually. It could just mean the guy feels like he doesn't need to say anything, rather than that he's not in a place to say anything. You know, strong silent type, man of few words, that deal.

 

[godiluvabig1]

Thanks, StapledShut, you were able to say in fewer words what I was trying to get across with much.

 

[javyn]

Confidence is the unwillingness to put up with someone's bullshit.

 

[D_Thoraxis_Biggulp]

Thanks, StapledShut, you were able to say in fewer words what I was trying to get across with much.

Eh, you said more than that. I just felt the need to elaborate on that one piece, because I've seen lots of girls get into bad relationships because they mistook outspoken obnoxiousness for confidence. And just the same, a lot of guys make asses of themselves because they played into that misconception. (Also had girls think I was timid and meek because I played the man-of-few-words role at bars.)
But you're welcome, all the same.

 

[LACJohn]

[*]don't be scared by silence! Being able to share a moment of comfortable (not strained or nervous) silence while in the presence of an interesting woman will not only make her think you feel confident enough to be able to sit in silence, but that you are able to enjoy being together without nervous chatter (which gets a little annoying)

Damn I'm terrible at this one. I just start asking questions about the girl to get her talking to break the silence.

 

[D_lkjhgfdsa1234]

Would a guy be considered confident if he initiates the conversations with the woman? It does take balls for us guys to do that too you know. And I also have the thick skin to take all the crap that unfriendly women dish out to reject me. God bless the nice ones as those are the ones worthy of my time to date. Yes, I do follow the rules of conversation such as posture, knowing when to speak, and not bragging about myself and only answering questions she wants to know about me and finding out about the girl by letting her speak about herself.

 

[D_Fiona_Farvel]

I think confidence is one's own feeling and how they relate to others their sense of self and self-value. You can be quiet and introverted, or only able to express your true self to a few people, but know who you are and hold a belief in yourself, in your abilities and find strength in them.

 

[godiluvabig1]

Would a guy be considered confident if he initiates the conversations with the woman? It does take balls for us guys to do that too you know. And I also have the thick skin to take all the crap that unfriendly women dish out to reject me. God bless the nice ones as those are the ones worthy of my time to date. Yes, I do follow the rules of conversation such as posture, knowing when to speak, and not bragging about myself and only answering questions she wants to know about me and finding out about the girl by letting her speak about herself.

Sure. Women know just as much as men how hard it is to initiate conversations with others who are attractive. That's a stigma we all face.

 

[Kassokilleri2ff]

I'm no good at talking so I gotta learn the "man of few words" thing lol.

 

[xxuxu]

I used to a hunch a lot, but improving my posture definitely made me feel and look more confident. There are back and shoulder exercises that can help those muscles.

 

[Kassokilleri2ff]

What exactly is a proper posture. When you say stuff you should give examples because not everyone knows. Am I supposed to find a chair and do the captain morgan pose? Should I do "I'm a little teapot" where you show them that "this is my spout"? lol. Do i stand straight up and flail my arms wildly? Do i cross my arms?

 

[xxuxu]

Maybe this will help. http://www.alignmed.com/images/Posture.jpg

 

[D_lkjhgfdsa1234]

I improve my posture through shaolin kung-fu training. My sifu (teacher) slaps me on my back if he catches me slouching because slouching leads to poor attack and defense technique. (See usashaolintemple.org and you will not see a slouched monk).

A non-kung-fu way of training posture is the good old book balanced on the flat of the top of your head technique.

 

[javyn]

Standing against a wall, yoga, or even lifting weights helps tons with posture too.

 

[pavement]

Seems if ever there was a characteristic that's overated confidence would be a prime candate.
In the pantheon of paragonal traits it would rank pretty low to me.
Besides being mistaken for arrogance, pretension, pompousness etc etc its ease of assured detection seems open to much misidentification.
I think confidence can be an appealing presentation but a lack of it at least as appealing.
Never saw the need for man or women to exude much of it and between it and a raft of other personal qualities I'd take many above the small c.

 

[PakiHotWife]

To this I would add, a little tenacity as well. By that I mean, not giving up the first time a woman says no to them. But in a classy, yet continued confident manner pursue her a little more.

Quiet and introverted is not always the antithesis of confidence. Some people just take longer to warm up socially. It's normal. As someone who is quite outspoken through this and other message forums, I am pretty quiet when I first meet people; I'm the kind of person that observes others' verbal and non-verbal communication to discern the level of conversation that is best suited to the situation and person. Once I am familiarized with new people, I begin talking . A woman usually judges confidence on non-verbal cues before noticing the verbal cues, which is why men who seem quiet get attention. Quiet yes, but body language speaks louder than words.

You do not have to truly be self confident in order to exhibit self confidence. I judge the self confidence of a man based on the following:

• posture***
  • with this one, don't hunch. Use proper posture - it's not always comfortable, but it exudes confidence.
• comfort with communication*** (it's ok to be nervous, just try not to be a deer in the headlights when a woman talks to you)
• the level of language used
• the content of the conversation*** (make sure there is plenty of give and take; don't try to sell yourself too hard, because that can make you out to be arrogant - to do this, try to relate what you say to the topic of the conversation)
• look into the eyes of the woman!!! When a man looks away when talking to me, I think of one of two things based on other non-verbal communication: either the guy is lying, or he feels unworthy of the attention
• don't be scared by silence! Being able to share a moment of comfortable (not strained or nervous) silence while in the presence of an interesting woman will not only make her think you feel confident enough to be able to sit in silence, but that you are able to enjoy being together without nervous chatter (which gets a little annoying)

Hope this helps guys!