Ladies! Why does my wife orgasm like a guy?

[vanden_thomas]

Background:

Whenever my wife and I used to have sex, it would go like this:

Foreplay
Penetration
...5 minutes...
Her orgasm/my orgasm (seeing/hearing her come is the hottest thing ever)
Cuddle

This was OK. I have always kind of hoped she would want to go for number 2, etc. but she's never had any interest in continuing after her orgasm. So, it was fine...whatever...short, straightforward, but I guess the mutual orgasm thing was cool.

I am, however, getting older (married 10 years) and just seeing her come doesn't necessarily pop my cork so to speak. So, now it's more like:

Foreplay if I'm lucky
Penetration
...2 minutes...
Her orgasm
...more minutes...
...she's just lying there...
...I start to feel like I'm fucking a dead person...
My orgasm (maybe--sometimes I just can't do it).

She says she's sure she wouldn't be able to have multiple orgasms or really want to keep going after the one. She feels pretty guilty when things go flat but she says she doesn't really know what to do about it. She's pretty passive even when she's really turned on, possibly due to childhood sexual experiences (non-violent abuse).

Lot's o' questions:

Do any of you experience this kind of on/off response? If so, is it always or only sometimes? If sometimes, can you tell me what makes a difference? Partner? Circumstances? Hormones? If you do want to keep going after your first orgasm, why is that? Is your desire just like before you started? Do you just like having more orgasms? Do you find your partner hot and just want sex to keep going? Is it a challenge? If you do like to keep going, was there a time that you did not? How did you discover that sex after O#1 could be fun?

 

[ManlyBanisters]

I can't say I have ever experienced what your wife seems to be experiencing - but I have been where you are - that is I had a partner who would just quit after he came and not bother about 2nds etc. The only thing to do there, if she's insisting she can't gain much pleasure after O#1 is to delay her orgasm. Edge her. If it is penetration that makes her cum then stop fucking her just before she cums, go back to foreplay for a bit, fuck her til she's nearly cumming, stop and change to something else, and so on - her orgasm may well be better in the end and you will get longer, and hopefully more satifying, sex.

Lot's o' questions:

Do any of you experience this kind of on/off response? No If so, is it always or only sometimes? n/a If sometimes, can you tell me what makes a difference? Partner? Circumstances? Hormones? all n/a, sorry If you do want to keep going after your first orgasm, why is that? because I like having sex for prolonged periods, because 2nd, 3rd etc. orgasms are better and because the bits inbetwen orgasm are pretty damn good too Is your desire just like before you started? yes, or greater Do you just like having more orgasms? yes Do you find your partner hot and just want sex to keep going? yes Is it a challenge? not really, but maybe I'm just not sure what you mean by thatIf you do like to keep going, was there a time that you did not? no How did you discover that sex after O#1 could be fun? by doing it - teenage b/fs were rarely ready to stop when I had had one orgasm, so it just kind of happened and I went with it - hell why not

 

[vanden_thomas]

Hmm...that might just piss her off! Worth a shot though... Thanks!

I can't say I have ever experienced what your wife seems to be experiencing - but I have been where you are - that is I had a partner who would just quit after he came and not bother about 2nds etc. The only thing to do there, if she's insisting she can't gain much pleasure after O#1 is to delay her orgasm. Edge her. If it is penetration that makes her cum then stop fucking her just before she cums, go back to foreplay for a bit, fuck her til she's nearly cumming, stop and change to something else, and so on - her orgasm may well be better in the end and you will get longer, and hopefully more satifying, sex.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Hmm...that might just piss her off! Worth a shot though... Thanks!

Well - I wasn't suggesting you do it without discussion or consent.

 

[Captain Elephant]

Related question: why does my wife treat me like a mosquito? I am usually 100% effective getting her off with my tongue; it builds and builds until the house shakes but then she begins slapping my head for me to stop. Of course, I oblige, but I'd love to bring her off again and again. Sometimes when she starts I slow down and try to prolong it, but it never fails that I'll hit a point where I'm swatted away again. Yet I can penetrate her almost immediately.

Of course I have my turn swatting her as well, but I thought most women were capable of multiples but is there a rest period required?

 

[vanden_thomas]

Well - I wasn't suggesting you do it without discussion or consent.

Right, of course. I'm just trying to imagine it. I guess her orgasms are still quite female in that they are pretty easy to derail and a derailed orgasm, i.e. sharp a interruption in arousal, can put her in a pretty bad mood.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

Related question: why does my wife treat me like a mosquito? I am usually 100% effective getting her off with my tongue; it builds and builds until the house shakes but then she begins slapping my head for me to stop. Of course, I oblige, but I'd love to bring her off again and again. Sometimes when she starts I slow down and try to prolong it, but it never fails that I'll hit a point where I'm swatted away again. Yet I can penetrate her almost immediately.

Of course I have my turn swatting her as well, but I thought most women were capable of multiples but is there a rest period required?

You might find this thread (http://www.lpsg.org/53942-those-really-intense-orgasms.html) interesting reading.

Right, of course. I'm just trying to imagine it. I guess her orgasms are still quite female in that they are pretty easy to derail and a derailed orgasm, i.e. sharp a interruption in arousal, can put her in a pretty bad mood.

OK - so it is going to be a delicate balance for you. But hopefully she will be willing to try because, hopefully, she wants you to have satisfying sex. If she's not bothered about whether you're being satisfied then you have a whole other problem to address first. I sincerely hope that's not the case.

 

[Fire Agate]

old age probably

 

[Not_Punny]

It's my guess that irritation is the root cause here (no pun intended). So I would recommend HRT -- hormone replacement therapy.

Starting in the mid 30's, a woman's vaginal tissues start to thin, and this can sometime make sex or prolonged sex painful.

A lot of HRT brands are non-human (derived from horses, etc.), and are NOT chemically the same as a woman's own hormones. They have limited workability and unacceptable side effects including breast cancer.

However, there ARE a number of bio-identical hormone products that not only work, but seem to guard against heart disease, osteoporosis AND breast cancer.

So I would find a good gynecologist who is familiar with NATURAL hormone therapy, and go in (the two of you) for a consultation.

 

[Not_Punny]

By the way, why does sex always have to be the same? Sex for me rarely lasts shorter than an hour and often up to to two or more hours. There are so many things to do, why just have one format?

Maybe even a sex therapist if she's not into experimentation, role playing or games.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Ah well, my wife often has me stop because the orgasms were getting too intense, and passed over into pain.

A rest period. Yes we have these. They do well. If there's still interest, we can continue.

There are herbal remedies to help women with "hormone replacement" (or substitution). Not on my mind now....will do if people are interested.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Perhaps your sex life has got stuck in a rut and she simply finds it a bit boring?

 

[vanden_thomas]

Sure, or maybe she was bored with sex before I even met her. She did start at age 4.

Perhaps your sex life has got stuck in a rut and she simply finds it a bit boring?

 

[Not_Punny]

Seriously, if you want to keep the marriage, seek medical help or counseling.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

You asked for advice, don't get snippy if you don't like the advice you hear, you said

Background:

Whenever my wife and I used to have sex, it would go like this:

so it sounds like the sex you had was always the same.

 

[Tattooed Goddess]

Did you just say she starting having sex at age 4?? Surely thats a typo!

 

[Not_Punny]

SP, he didn't actually give you a snippety response. I do believe this wife (according to the OP's original post) had "early sexual experiences."

 

[vanden_thomas]

hotmilf, we are scheduled for counseling. It takes a while to get in with a really good one.

SpoiledPrincess, it has almost always been the same. It's been the only thing she's comfortable with and like I was saying: it's worked OK until now.

BedheadRed, not a typo though I don't mean intercourse. To clarify: masturbation to orgasm by a father figure.

Yes, there are issues that probably none of you are "qualified" to deal with but I've read that 1/3 of women are sexually abused in some way or another so I thought I'd throw this stuff out there anyway and listen to any ideas people might have.

Thanks, everyone.

 

[Guy-jin]

Seriously, if you want to keep the marriage, seek medical help or counseling.

Bingo.

Good luck.

 

[Not_Punny]

OK, well good luck. I also suggested hormones, which you could try while waiting for the counseling.

I'm guessing that she doesn't like non-penetration activities because of her earlier experiences?