Ladies! Why does my wife orgasm like a guy?

[SpoiledPrincess]

You said your sex life was ok before and that it's changed, what happened around the time it changed is the thing that's likely to have affected it.

 

[vanden_thomas]

hotmilf, I'm sure that has something to do with it though, until recently, she has always insisted that the childhood abuse was harmless and insignificant.

SpoiledPrincess, what happened is I stopped automatically coming as soon as she did. I haven't figured out anything I can do about that.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Are you able to talk openly to her about your sex life and her past?

 

[snoozan]

i cum once. i don't have multiples though i've tried and tried. i still enjoy sex after i cum for awhile, but i do have a sort of on/off response. it doesn't bother me, and my husband knows how to edge me pretty well. i do swat him away during oral sex because i know i'll only cum once and i want to make it last.

all of this really doesn't affect our sex life negatively-- i'm game to get him off however he wants and he's game to edge me or whatever.

neither my husband nor i think we're missing out on anything, but reading this thread (and other's opinions) you'd think that we should feel that way. not all women have multiples. hell, not all women have orgasms!

 

[vanden_thomas]

Yes and no. She is pretty comfortable talking about everything with me with a couple of exceptions:

- Sex (usually gets irritable, says it bores her to death) Of course, this doesn't mean she doesn't like to do it (within the structure described previously).

- My desire for change in our relationship (gets angry, says it makes her feel inadequate)

Are you able to talk openly to her about your sex life and her past?

 

[vanden_thomas]

Thanks, for the reply. The fact that you've tried and tried is very relevant.

My thoughts after this very therapeutic thread posting experience are that:

1. I probably need to somehow get her to care a bit more about my experience so that she can be more open to new ideas.

2. I need to somehow dislodge the belief that she has, according to which men are supposed to be purely hormonally-driven and should just be happy "sticking it in".

3. That therapy we have scheduled is still a very good idea.

i cum once. i don't have multiples though i've tried and tried. i still enjoy sex after i cum for awhile, but i do have a sort of on/off response. it doesn't bother me, and my husband knows how to edge me pretty well. i do swat him away during oral sex because i know i'll only cum once and i want to make it last.

all of this really doesn't affect our sex life negatively-- i'm game to get him off however he wants and he's game to edge me or whatever.

neither my husband nor i think we're missing out on anything, but reading this thread (and other's opinions) you'd think that we should feel that way. not all women have multiples. hell, not all women have orgasms!

 

[Not_Punny]

Sad. Have you tried telling her how much you adore her, and how much she turns you on, and all the wonderfully nasty things you think about every time you see her naked... (wiggling your eyebrows)....

I think this has gotten way too serious, and in the circumstances, I'd probably feel the same way.


My advice, while waiting for the counseling (and in addition to maybe getting the hormones or at least Replens which anyone, male or female, can buy at a drugstore), is to

-- think of one new thing you'd like to do that maybe wouldn't freak her out
-- introduce it in the most romantic way possible (flowers chocolate)... use your imagination...

In other words, WOO her.

 

[Guy-jin]

Yeah, sometimes, if someone has a psychological disorder, or a history of psychological trauma, therapy is really the only option. Even the best intentioned person can unfortunately make a situation worse with someone who has that kind of disorder because they're just so hard to understand.

If she's open to therapy, that's a great first step.

Again, good luck!

 

[vanden_thomas]

Thanks, I actually have done that first part and it is a very good bit of advice for anyone trying to get someone in the mood. I thought for many years that accommodating her apparent lack of interest was the "respectful" thing to do but for some reason (frustration maybe?), I decided to try something different. It freaked her out a bit at first but really being open and honest about my love and lust has been a really good thing.

Sad. Have you tried telling her how much you adore her, and how much she turns you on, and all the wonderfully nasty things you think about every time you see her naked... (wiggling your eyebrows)....

I think this has gotten way too serious, and in the circumstances, I'd probably feel the same way.


My advice, while waiting for the counseling (and in addition to maybe getting the hormones or at least Replens which anyone, male or female, can buy at a drugstore), is to

-- think of one new thing you'd like to do that maybe wouldn't freak her out
-- introduce it in the most romantic way possible (flowers chocolate)... use your imagination...

In other words, WOO her.

 

[earllogjam]

Maybe she used to be a guy?

 

[vanden_thomas]

Maybe she used to be a guy?

Seeing my son come out of her vagina convinced me otherwise!

 

[D_Ambrose Groundnpound]

Nothing wrong with counseling, even for healthy marriages so I agree with MILF. Sounds like your wife has some legitimate past issues that can (and likely are) having an impact today. NO one on this posting can speak to that nor should we.

I'd definitely talk to her about it (non confertational). She has orgasms so that is positive but share with her your desire to prolong the experience and spice it up. Maybe toys, oral, whatever it takes. You might be amazed what she is willing to share. I was when I brought things up to my wife. I was floored at what my "conservative" wife agreed to try! Could be that she is wired somewhat like a guy and the moment she cums her mind goes to different places. You need to find her "reload" point. Point is you are married (10+ years) and sex is important. Talk to her in a loving manner and see where it takes you.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Oh My God, your wife sounds just like me.....or I sound just like her. Very simular. What happens with me is that I get all fired up and into having sex and my husband and I usually either cum around the same time or he cums a little bit after I do. But what happens with me is that my down there gets all numb.....probably the clit.....I always figured that all the blood rushes down there......and it usually takes a few minutes for me to get any feeling back down there. So, what I usually do is let my husband do me any way that he wants to....Or I do oral or hand job.....Then as soon as I have feeling down there again I am ready to go again. But I can understand how your wife might lay there like a rag doll....if there is no feeling down there you don't feel all excited and want to have sex. And it is easy for that sex desire to get turned off and want to stop at one orgasm. It is the way it has always been for me and I have been married to the same person for almost 20 years. It does make me worry that maybe my husband feels the same way you do. Maybe we need to join you in that couples therapy.

I do try different things......like I like to dress up and do role play. And he seems to like it. I think the longer people are together....every so often you have to shake things up a bit.

Giving nudism a try......or going to one of those islands....just the two of you......Jamaca or somewhere like that.....might jumpstart some of those sexual motors. At least on your part.


I know that I don't have a lack of sex drive......I probably border on the sex addict side. And since my situation has been like this for twenty years I always thought it was normal for me. I don't think my husband knows any difference.....so.....shush.....don't tell him.

I still think talking and communicating can't hurt......And the therapist can't hurt either. So, sounds like you have got some good advice. I just couldn't help piping in when I read your post.

 

[snoozan]

It is the way it has always been for me and I have been married to the same person for almost 20 years. It does make me worry that maybe my husband feels the same way you do. Maybe we need to join you in that couples therapy.

Do you really think it's necessary to have multiple orgasms to make a man feel good about having sex with his wife? Come on now, if you have a great sex life it doesn't matter how many time each partner cums. I think the OPs problems go far deeper than just sex.

 

[B_625girth]

do you try different positions???? different locations??? I've been married 30 yrs, and the wife is past menopause, we don't have sex very often, but sometimes once is not enough, sometimes it is me and somtimes her, and sometimes both. take a day and spend it in bed, every time you get hard, fuck her. my wife and I used to do this on cold winter days in our old drafty house. keep the phone nearby so you can order pizza, i didn't have much energy my 7pm at night. good luck!!!

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

Do you really think it's necessary to have multiple orgasms to make a man feel good about having sex with his wife? Come on now, if you have a great sex life it doesn't matter how many time each partner cums. I think the OPs problems go far deeper than just sex.

I think I was just paranoid because I was identifying too much. I do that sometimes unfortunately.

It sounds to me like his wife is being kind of selfish.....like she doesn't care if he cums or not.....Or that is the impression I am getting. And that is where I see our situation is different.

After his wife gets her jollies it should be his turn next and he needs to tell her what he needs for her to do.....to help him make that happen. It is probably the best time to try new positions......try new things.

If his wife isn't willing to step out of her comfort zone.....or do things to help her husband get his rocks off......that's when the marriage counseling is probably the best route to take. Both people need to be happy.

 

[Fire Agate]

Maybe she used to be a guy?

LOL!

 

[snoozan]

I agree 100% Like I said, I don't think the OPs largest problem is the one orgasm thing.

I think I was just paranoid because I was identifying too much. I do that sometimes unfortunately.

It sounds to me like his wife is being kind of selfish.....like she doesn't care if he cums or not.....Or that is the impression I am getting. And that is where I see our situation is different.

After his wife gets her jollies it should be his turn next and he needs to tell her what he needs for her to do.....to help him make that happen. It is probably the best time to try new positions......try new things.

If his wife isn't willing to step out of her comfort zone.....or do things to help her husband get his rocks off......that's when the marriage counseling is probably the best route to take. Both people need to be happy.

 

[Rang3r69]

Sounds like some deep dark demons she has to defeat (psychological issues). Get some professional help. There's more than sex at hand. Whatever you do, try your best to support her. I know it can be difficult. By all means YOU are important and she has to realize your frustrations, and they aren't without merrit. That can lead to an unhealthy relationship, possible divorce. Good Luck Man.

PS Anyone out there that is dating a person with childhood psychological issues are sure to have them manifest in some form or another, so be wary. My advice, RUN!!!

Ranger's Lead The Way!!!

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

It sounds to me like his wife is being kind of selfish.....like she doesn't care if he cums or not.....

I totally agree, it seems it's always up to the female partner to set the boundaries when it comes to sex, a couple consists of two people and the sex should please both of them, a husband should try his best to satisfy what his wife wants and vice versa.