Ladies, would this upset you?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by bluekarma, May 7, 2007.

  1. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Okay, this is about the guy I've been posting about lately. The one I'm teaching (who is learning very quickly, I might add :wink: ). Yesterday we hiked an approx 4 mile trail up some falls near our town. It was a beautiful day, and we took our time and it was really just breathtaking. So on the way back down, we got into this discussion....reflecting back, I wish we would have never even brought it up, but we did, and it led to an awkward dialogue that was really doomed from the start. We started talking about our previous partners, and what we liked/disliked about their bodies, appearance, etc. Then we began comparing those things to what we like about each other. Eventually this led to my asking the totally insane and insecure question "whose body do you prefer, hers, or mine"? Duh, such a loaded and immature question. But he speculated for a long time, and was finally honest with me. He said that if he had to choose based ONLY on physical appearance (not personality, sexual connection, compatibility,etc) he would choose her. I asked him what helped him arrive at that decision and he said basically because she had really large breasts and he likes large breasts and that she just has one of those "perfect petite bodies and cute round faces, that all guys like". Now, don't get me wrong...he tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am, and how I look more like a hot college coed than a 25 year old working mother, how sexy my body is, etc. But for some reason after this discussion, I can't help but feel jealous and sad, that I did "win". His comment was actually - "Well, I guess if I had to pick the body I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, yeah, her body". I felt like the ugly exile on the island.

    The ride home was completely silent....we sort of argued a little because I told him it was sort of shallow to pick her over me just because her tits were big, that would be like me saying I'd pick my ex hubby over him because his dick was bigger. I realized it wasn't fair to be mad at him for being honest....and I decided to just hush before we really got heated.

    Ladies, would him saying that stuff upset you, or would you be able to shrug it off knowing that he was only being honest, and confident that he does like your body? I just can't shake that one comment about "the rest of my life, yeah, I'd choose her"....I mean, damn, that's harsh. I don't even think he realizes it hurt my feelings, and if I brought it up he'd say "Oh, come on...you know you have a million things over on her, just because she has a nicer body doesn't mean shit". But to me it DOES. So anyway, I know I have self esteem issues, but this really didn't help matters. Maybe a more confident person would be able to say, "yeah we all would pick the person with the perfect body, if that's all we were using to make the decision". Or maybe some are like me, and expect to win all the time, even if that is a false and unrealistic expectation??

    I'm rambling...thoughts?
     
  2. Principessa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2006
    Messages:
    19,494
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female

    He's gonna be back-pedaling on that one for a while.
     
  3. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Damn right. I'm thinking about showing him my post, to let him know how much it upset me. PS - Love your quote.

     
  4. amiegrrl

    amiegrrl New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    256
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Midwest USA
    Oh GOOD ONE curiousgirl ;) You went and asked him for his HONEST OPINION ... then he went and actually GAVE IT to you. Silly man! I do have to take his side a *little* and say that you were totally asking for it. On the other hand, my BF knows to tell me what I want to hear should I start on one of those 'Am I PRETTY??' insecurity rants. :D Soooo... here's my thought:

    The problem is, you are mistaking a completely subjective opinion for black-and-white fact. OK, so she has bigger boobs than you and is petite. So what?? Are bigger boobs 'better'? Because there are negatives to having large breasts - many women here (including myself) would attest to that. YOU are the one giving your body to him now, so (DUH - stupid man!!!) YOURS is obviously his favorite. Any (smart) guy will tell you that their favorite body is the one they have access to... And, like a large penis, it really IS all in how you work it. As you said about your ex-husband - he IS bigger, but do you really lay and pine away for his cock when you've got New Guy Who Is Learning Quickly laying next to you?? I certainly hope not! New Guy's wording was unfortunate, but I don't think in any way he meant it as a mortal blow to your self-worth.

    In summary: You are gorgeous and he LOVES your body. I'd almost *kill* to be likened to a sexy co-ed, sister. Ex-Girlfriend's body shape/type has as little to do with how he feels about you as your ex's dick size has to do with how you feel about New Guy. Just don't ask him any more questions like that until he is VERY CLEAR on the When To Lie To Me rules ;) Hasta~
     
  5. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Good point. Better yet, this kind of question will not be asked again, because I don't like to be lied to, no matter what the circumstance. Thanks amiegrrl.

     
  6. Ethyl

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2006
    Messages:
    5,476
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    495
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Philadelphia (PA, US)
     
  7. Rick P. Silent

    Rick P. Silent New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 23, 2007
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    0
    It is my experience, for the most part, everybody wants to deep-down believe they are not only the best ever, but the first ever.

    If a woman presses me for information I will respond, "Darling, being with you makes it impossible for me to even remember being with anyone else."

    And if my past is THAT "important" to them I figure it actually means, "I want to have a reason to be angry/distance myself from you later."
     
  8. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Yeah, that comment is the worst. And I like your rule, who knows what gets into me sometimes (I guess, in my defense, I did forget to mentinon, he asked me the same sort of question the day before)??? Anyway...thanks for the reply:smile: .

     
  9. IntoxicatingToxin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    10,133
    Likes Received:
    152
    If I asked the question, I wouldn't be upset with the answer.
     
  10. stretcher74

    stretcher74 New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2006
    Messages:
    242
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
     
  11. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    Well, unless he's so needy that you're the only one who takes the burden of having sex with him, there has had to be one reason for him to choose you, and to have good sex with you. That's all that really matters to me, I mean: We all have these crushes, a man or a woman that we'd choose any time to spend the rest of our lifes with. That doesn't make everyone else ugly, of course it's an awkward moment if you're told that you're only number two on his list, but I could shrug it off. Obviously, if he had access to that other girl, he wouldn't be screwing you, would he? So, you may not be the absolute number one, but for the moment, and probably a long time moment, you are the number one.
     
  12. Blocko

    Blocko Member

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2007
    Messages:
    703
    Likes Received:
    0
    For any successful relationship you have to accept two people... the other and the self.

    To accept the other, you must first accept how the other sees you and that they find it attractive. That the image they have of you is one they are not only attracted to, but want to be with. Otherwise, how can you believe that what they want/love/cherish is actually you?

    I believe this is the biggest danger in any relationship.
     
  13. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,465
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,568
    Location:
    United States

    Quoted to avoice plagiarism.
     
  14. Duchess_athena

    Duchess_athena New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2007
    Messages:
    100
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    The best thing to do when in a relationship is not to ask about the pest because only the future matters the past is only a problem if it gets involved with your future. Try to put yours and his ex's out of your mind other wise it is like they are right there in bed with you and you will only have more problems that way.

    I know from experience hun.

    I wish you the best darlin
     
  15. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Okay, I deserved that. Thanks for the reality check, really.

    Wish I were as confident as you Claire. I don't like being only number two. Call me vain, self centered, yeah, I guess I'm all of that, but I don't.

    This is exactly what I struggle with. You put it so plainly, and make it sound so easy...yet for me, it is very difficult. Thank you though, for giving me somewhere to start.

    You're right.

    Yeah, I know....I'm learning as I go, I suppose.
     
  16. Duchess_athena

    Duchess_athena New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2007
    Messages:
    100
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Yes I know it is hard but you have to live in the moments you have cause tomorrow is no garantee for anyone. So let him know it hurt but you are not going to worry about cause you enjoy what you two have together and plan on enjoying it much more.

    Life is preiceless and is to short to waste
     
  17. AlteredEgo

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2006
    Messages:
    14,465
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    6,568
    Location:
    United States
    But that was Claire's point. You are NOT number two. You are number one, and no one else is even on the list- especially not someone from the past. If she was still number one, what was he doing on a nice hike with you?
     
  18. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for that perspective Rick.....you might be on to something with that.

     
  19. ClaireTalon

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,947
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Puget Sound
    Give yourself some credit, CG. You're not self-centered, I also want to be number one all the time. But I can live with being the actual number one, the one on the accessible list, even if all positions in front of me are taken by women he has had, or dreams of having and will never have. Heads up, honey: Those rankings are not set in stone. You can make rank, I think, and I'm not talking about plastic surgery here. Probably you'll become more attractive to him as your time together goes by, at least there's a chance that might happen.
     
  20. bluekarma

    bluekarma Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2006
    Messages:
    840
    Likes Received:
    304
    Gender:
    Female
    Oooh. Well, when you put it that way, heh...makes me feel better, and of course you're right. I'm dense on top of being immature it seems. But FWIW, this is helping me grow, I think....I hope :confused: .

     
Draft saved Draft deleted