Ladies, would this upset you?

Ethyl

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I'm really starting to regret posting this entire thread. I mean, I know it was a stupid thing to ask, and I made it clear in my OP that I knew it was stupid. Anyway, I can't say anything about responses I receive because I DID ask for it by posting this. Maybe I'm just grumpy from no sleep last night :confused: . I do want to make it clear that I'm not used to dating, or being with a new person. This is a first for me in over 10 years. I met my ex husband at age 15, and we just divorced in October. I am new at this, and just getting my feet wet with new relationship interaction.
Uncharted territory always makes one a little apprehensive. Take your time and enjoy this to the fullest. Don't worry about not having everything figured out already. Pardon the cliche, but it is all about the journey. :smile:
 

Lordpendragon

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I have been thinking about this since you first posted it CG.

Whilst you may regret the thread now and the initial question, I think at times you have seen that you have learned a lot from it.

I have never been asked this question. But sometimes I wish I had. The reason is that superficial beauty and physical condition are certainly attractive, but they are not the biggest deal. It's almost like the ultimate compliment to say to someone - sure she had more perfect breasts, she was classically beautiful, she had the ultimate ass, she could win gold at the oral olympics etc etc, but for all that, I thank my lucky stars that I am now with you.

I hope that makes sense.
 

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Best response I've received so far, hands down. And it makes complete and perfect sense. Thanks J. xx

I have been thinking about this since you first posted it CG.

Whilst you may regret the thread now and the initial question, I think at times you have seen that you have learned a lot from it.

I have never been asked this question. But sometimes I wish I had. The reason is that superficial beauty and physical condition are certainly attractive, but they are not the biggest deal. It's almost like the ultimate compliment to say to someone - sure she had more perfect breasts, she was classically beautiful, she had the ultimate ass, she could win gold at the oral olympics etc etc, but for all that, I thank my lucky stars that I am now with you.

I hope that makes sense.
 

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When I was a teenager I was going out with this guy and he finished with me and the next time I saw him he was with a girl who was really slim and this made me feel really bad about myself. I became bulimic and got into a bit of a state, looking back I can see how stupid I was. I was jealous but now I know that there is always somebody slimmer, better boobs, prettier etc out there and we have to be happy with what we have. I don't mind my boyfriend looking at other women, if I see a guy then I can look too. We often see people on TV or in the street and I'll be like "bet you like her!!" "she's got a nice body hasn't she?!" etc and I am comfortable with that as he is with me and loves me. I think we have to accept that of course there are more beautiful people than us out there, but if my boyfriend said that there was a girl that he had loved more than me , then I'd be upset. Just my penny's worth (or about 25000 dollars at the current rate of exchange!!!!! :tongue:) Chin up
 

Love-it

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I do want to make it clear that I'm not used to dating, or being with a new person. This is a first for me in over 10 years. I met my ex husband at age 15, and we just divorced in October. I am new at this, and just getting my feet wet with new relationship interaction.

Holy cow, if I had known that you were a newbie to dating I would have congratulated you on being so level headed! I am not kidding it's tough being out there.
 

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I agree with LP, I have been asked the question, and for whatever the reason it is asked, I think if you really want to invest some honesty in a relationship you can answer it without pandering to what a 'woman wants to hear'. I understand that no one should be rude, or overly blunt, but I disagree, that one must lie when asked a direct question about something of a sensitive nature. It only twists things into more of a mess to untangle for later. If someone doesn't really care, and just wants to avoid the issue that is one thing, but that doesn't really bode well for that relationship. Does it?

So be secure in the fact that he told you the truth, because you know he feels comfortable telling you. Which only means he values you over everyone else.
 

diamond

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This is why you don't ask questions like that one.

This is also how stories about men hating to have "serious talks" with women get started.


Curiousgurl, over the years you will learn not to ask these questions, ........it comes with age ( trust me) I have to agree with ROB on this one.
 

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When I was a teenager I was going out with this guy and he finished with me and the next time I saw him he was with a girl who was really slim and this made me feel really bad about myself. I became bulimic and got into a bit of a state, looking back I can see how stupid I was. I was jealous but now I know that there is always somebody slimmer, better boobs, prettier etc out there and we have to be happy with what we have. I don't mind my boyfriend looking at other women, if I see a guy then I can look too. We often see people on TV or in the street and I'll be like "bet you like her!!" "she's got a nice body hasn't she?!" etc and I am comfortable with that as he is with me and loves me. I think we have to accept that of course there are more beautiful people than us out there, but if my boyfriend said that there was a girl that he had loved more than me , then I'd be upset. Just my penny's worth (or about 25000 dollars at the current rate of exchange!!!!! :tongue:) Chin up

Yeah, and that's the weird thing about all of this. We are constantly checking people out, either on TV, out in public, in porn, whatever. And I'm always like "god, that girl is so hot", or "check her out, she has the nicest boobs" etc. I think the reason I got upset about this chick was because I knew he'd been with her, and before we got involved with each other, he was sort of obsessed with her, but only fucking her, not being in a relationship. After we got involved he told me he never gives her a second thought and meeting me was the only thing that "cured" him from obsessing about sleeping with her again. Anyway....you're right, I should not care about him liking another body, as long as he likes me as a person, and not her.

Holy cow, if I had known that you were a newbie to dating I would have congratulated you on being so level headed! I am not kidding it's tough being out there.

You really think so? You think that makes a difference? This new relationship stuff is so weird. We had a long conversation last night and came to the conclusion that I'm afraid to let him get too close because of all the emotional turmoil I went through in my previous relationship. I'm just lucky he is as intellegent and understanding as he is....he really is great. So, hopefully this little hang up will dissapear.

This is why you don't ask questions like that one.

This is also how stories about men hating to have "serious talks" with women get started.

He would never let one little mishap come between us having "serious talks" - but I see your point.

I agree with LP, I have been asked the question, and for whatever the reason it is asked, I think if you really want to invest some honesty in a relationship you can answer it without pandering to what a 'woman wants to hear'. I understand that no one should be rude, or overly blunt, but I disagree, that one must lie when asked a direct question about something of a sensitive nature. It only twists things into more of a mess to untangle for later. If someone doesn't really care, and just wants to avoid the issue that is one thing, but that doesn't really bode well for that relationship. Does it?

So be secure in the fact that he told you the truth, because you know he feels comfortable telling you. Which only means he values you over everyone else.

Thanks Doc. I am glad he was honest, and I am glad that other people were able to help open my eyes.
 

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This too shall pass. However, if you hound him too hard when he's being truthful with you, you will soon find that he'll stop being truthful and just tell you want you want to hear.

karmen


Thats the reason my marriage ended and why I haven't had a relationship since. If I tell the truth I'm a jerk....If I lie I'm a jerk. Fuck it. I gave up! :confused:
 

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God, I'm sorry to hear that SoFla. I hope I learn from this, and I think I have. It's just not a fair question and the answer is never going to be one that you want to hear. Better left unsaid, for sure.

Thats the reason my marriage ended and why I haven't had a relationship since. If I tell the truth I'm a jerk....If I lie I'm a jerk. Fuck it. I gave up! :confused:
 

rob_just_rob

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It's hard to get back into dating after being in a long relationship. I was in an off-and-on 7 year relationship that ended a few years ago. When I think of the stupid things I did in my first few dates after that, I cringe.

Hang in there... you'll figure it all out in time. Or all that's figure-outable, anyway. :wink:
 

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Okay, this is about the guy I've been posting about lately. The one I'm teaching (who is learning very quickly, I might add :wink: ). Yesterday we hiked an approx 4 mile trail up some falls near our town. It was a beautiful day, and we took our time and it was really just breathtaking. So on the way back down, we got into this discussion....reflecting back, I wish we would have never even brought it up, but we did, and it led to an awkward dialogue that was really doomed from the start. We started talking about our previous partners, and what we liked/disliked about their bodies, appearance, etc. Then we began comparing those things to what we like about each other. Eventually this led to my asking the totally insane and insecure question "whose body do you prefer, hers, or mine"? Duh, such a loaded and immature question. But he speculated for a long time, and was finally honest with me. He said that if he had to choose based ONLY on physical appearance (not personality, sexual connection, compatibility,etc) he would choose her. I asked him what helped him arrive at that decision and he said basically because she had really large breasts and he likes large breasts and that she just has one of those "perfect petite bodies and cute round faces, that all guys like". Now, don't get me wrong...he tells me all the time how beautiful he thinks I am, and how I look more like a hot college coed than a 25 year old working mother, how sexy my body is, etc. But for some reason after this discussion, I can't help but feel jealous and sad, that I did "win". His comment was actually - "Well, I guess if I had to pick the body I'd want to spend the rest of my life with, yeah, her body". I felt like the ugly exile on the island.

The ride home was completely silent....we sort of argued a little because I told him it was sort of shallow to pick her over me just because her tits were big, that would be like me saying I'd pick my ex hubby over him because his dick was bigger. I realized it wasn't fair to be mad at him for being honest....and I decided to just hush before we really got heated.

Ladies, would him saying that stuff upset you, or would you be able to shrug it off knowing that he was only being honest, and confident that he does like your body? I just can't shake that one comment about "the rest of my life, yeah, I'd choose her"....I mean, damn, that's harsh. I don't even think he realizes it hurt my feelings, and if I brought it up he'd say "Oh, come on...you know you have a million things over on her, just because she has a nicer body doesn't mean shit". But to me it DOES. So anyway, I know I have self esteem issues, but this really didn't help matters. Maybe a more confident person would be able to say, "yeah we all would pick the person with the perfect body, if that's all we were using to make the decision". Or maybe some are like me, and expect to win all the time, even if that is a false and unrealistic expectation??

I'm rambling...thoughts?

The amusing thing about this is that you asked for his opinion. Why ask for someone's opinion if you're can't handle it?

Secondly, this is the LPSG, so you'll probably find many similar instances of women preferring men with some larger body parts, in this case most probably a penis.

If you have a preference for big penises, then surely he has the right to state his preference for bigger breasts.

Please do not take offence, but the whole issue sounds rather hypocritical on your part.
 

faceking

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....because I told him it was sort of shallow to pick her over me just because her tits were big...

if it mattered... he wouldn't be with you. seems like it's something you care about more. guessing if you add everything up ... you>her.

what next... who is better in bed, who is smarter, who is more gifted with a Garden Weasel ;-) you get the point :)
 

faceking

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The amusing thing about this is that you asked for his opinion. Why ask for someone's opinion if you're can't handle it?

Secondly, this is the LPSG, so you'll probably find many similar instances of women preferring men with some larger body parts, in this case most probably a penis.

If you have a preference for big penises, then surely he has the right to state his preference for bigger breasts.

Please do not take offence, but the whole issue sounds rather hypocritical on your part.


and as most have said here "all OTHER THINGS BEING EQUAL...." which obviously they NEVER are.
 

curious n str8

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CG, I can understand where your coming from...We all want to feel like we're the best that our partners ever had or the most beautiful, smartest,best kisser etc especially in a new relationship :smlove2:...but truth be told we all have our little faults :eek: and I think it natural to be a Lil jealous. What we all have to accept is our Lil faults and insecurities about oneself and not let it bother ourselfs :wink1: P.S. your #1 in my book :hug:
 

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Okay, this is about the guy I've been posting about lately. The one I'm teaching (who is learning very quickly, I might add :wink: ). <clip> Eventually this led to my asking the totally insane and insecure question "whose body do you prefer, hers, or mine"? Duh, such a loaded and immature question. But he speculated for a long time, and was finally honest with me. He said that if he had to choose based ONLY on physical appearance (not personality, sexual connection, compatibility,etc) he would choose her.

I haven't waded through all the replies yet, though i know that you've already been told this before. But i'll say it again anyway. Don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer. Because i'm with you. I want to hear the truth. No "pretty lies".

I want to hear the truth, good, bad or ugly. Sure it will upset me when it's bad or ugly, but at least then i know where things stand and i can emotionally start to deal with it. I much prefer it that way.

I'm not one to hold grudges, and i may be very hurt and upset for maybe a day or so until i sort it out in my head. Journaling really helps. But after that, i put it away and get on with life.

My partner (LPSG vanboy) prefers slim, athletic, ethnically exotic women if he was choosing on body type alone. That's what turns him on. But he would never choose someone on body type alone. I know there are men out there who prefer larger girls, but i have never met one. Well, no, i lie. I did once. But that's another story.

I know that my body does not particularly turn my partner on, but i also know he loves me dearly and he is with ME. AND he has no problem 'getting it up' for me, because he loves me. That makes all the difference in the world.

Once he starts looking for another girlfriend or fuckbuddy again (we're polyamorous and that is the plan soon), i know that it is a good possibility that she will be slimmer and hotter (or at least she would be in his fantasies! :p), and that's ok. There will always be "better" girls. But you have to have faith in your relationship and know it is strong. He may not be with you because you have that fantasy body that he loves, but he IS with you!

(Btw, i don't know if this relationship of yours is a permanent relationship where love is involved or if he's just a boyfriend or fuck buddy. My answer may be different if that was the case)
 

bluekarma

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Ew, I wish people would quit resurrecting this thread, but since I did (like a dumb ass) post it, I may as well respond to what people have said.

Another funny thing - since I posted this, the issue hadn't been discussed again, until today. Funny that the thread came up again today too. (((creepy)))

if it mattered... he wouldn't be with you. seems like it's something you care about more. guessing if you add everything up ... you>her.

what next... who is better in bed, who is smarter, who is more gifted with a Garden Weasel ;-) you get the point :)

I do get the point. Bigger isn't always better. And you're right about the "all things being equal"....with women, they never are, hah.

CG, I can understand where your coming from...We all want to feel like we're the best that our partners ever had or the most beautiful, smartest,best kisser etc especially in a new relationship :smlove2:...but truth be told we all have our little faults :eek: and I think it natural to be a Lil jealous. What we all have to accept is our Lil faults and insecurities about oneself and not let it bother ourselfs :wink1: P.S. your #1 in my book :hug:

Thank you CNS....you know I love ya!! xoxoxox


What the Fuck are you like ....girlfriend!!!!!!! Do you like my new Americanism???xxx

Hah, sounds like I'm rubbing off on you there Yorkie...in more ways than one:wink: .

I haven't waded through all the replies yet, though i know that you've already been told this before. But i'll say it again anyway. Don't ask if you don't want to hear the answer. Because i'm with you. I want to hear the truth. No "pretty lies".

I want to hear the truth, good, bad or ugly. Sure it will upset me when it's bad or ugly, but at least then i know where things stand and i can emotionally start to deal with it. I much prefer it that way.

I'm not one to hold grudges, and i may be very hurt and upset for maybe a day or so until i sort it out in my head. Journaling really helps. But after that, i put it away and get on with life.

My partner (LPSG vanboy) prefers slim, athletic, ethnically exotic women if he was choosing on body type alone. That's what turns him on. But he would never choose someone on body type alone. I know there are men out there who prefer larger girls, but i have never met one. Well, no, i lie. I did once. But that's another story.

I know that my body does not particularly turn my partner on, but i also know he loves me dearly and he is with ME. AND he has no problem 'getting it up' for me, because he loves me. That makes all the difference in the world.

Once he starts looking for another girlfriend or fuckbuddy again (we're polyamorous and that is the plan soon), i know that it is a good possibility that she will be slimmer and hotter (or at least she would be in his fantasies! :p), and that's ok. There will always be "better" girls. But you have to have faith in your relationship and know it is strong. He may not be with you because you have that fantasy body that he loves, but he IS with you!

(Btw, i don't know if this relationship of yours is a permanent relationship where love is involved or if he's just a boyfriend or fuck buddy. My answer may be different if that was the case)

I appreciate this reply VG. I respect what you're saying, but I could never be with someone who did not find me physically attractive. Never. It is a boyfriend, and we are just dating still....but it does make a difference to me. I took no offense to your reply BTW, thanks for being so honest.