Ladies, would this upset you?

vancouvergirl

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I appreciate this reply VG. I respect what you're saying, but I could never be with someone who did not find me physically attractive. Never. It is a boyfriend, and we are just dating still....but it does make a difference to me. I took no offense to your reply BTW, thanks for being so honest.

Oh my. It never even occured to me that you or anyone might take offense. *blush* I was talking more about my own relationship than anything, and how i have dealt with the same problem of my love not necessarily being attracted to my body.

And of course i meant it was only my opinion and everyone must deal with things their own way. I should have noted that in my post though. My bad.

Thank you for understanding. :smile:
 

Swim_cheer_ali

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Woudl it upset me? yes it would. Would I get caught up in it for along time? No. But, the body's appearance isnt the only thing in a relationship both sexually and non sexually.
 

B_capslock

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I don't even think he realizes it hurt my feelings, and if I brought it up he'd say "Oh, come on...you know you have a million things over on her, just because she has a nicer body doesn't mean shit". But to me it DOES. So anyway, I know I have self esteem issues, but this really didn't help matters.

I think you answered your own question here, honey. I mean first of all excuse the sexist in me in pointing out the conflict that you placed upon him: you pushed him for an honest answer (which he shouldn't have complied with) and really what you were really looking for was some unrealistic reply where no matter how beautiiful other women are, that you are the one for him. So in other words, you were looking for what you wanted to hear from him, and not the truth. Couple that with our culture today where men buy magazines about cars, guns, popular mechanics and women, meanwhile women buy magazines of just women women and women, and you are doomed to feel ever so inadequate.

I've also noticed in places where there is a huge population of "beautiful" women and an emphasis of that importance, that the closer that a woman is to that supposed 'ideal" the more insecure she gets about it. Meanwhile, a woman that is pretty much not on the radar so to speak has far more confidence, having to have relied on being more herself.

now that I got the stuff that will get me into trouble with the ladies here out of the way, :wink: I'll also point out the realism that either sex should face: there will be a better lookking, bigger dicked and boobed individual out there than yourself.. I mean there are dudes here with 8X6 dicks asking how they could make it larger. I mostly don't criticise that here since this site is about size and I think we should be aloowed our most extreme wishes desires and even insecurities here. However, the generality that you posed here I think qualifies as somethign that deals more witht he whole picture...

If someone who I really cared for asked me that question, I would have pretty much said what she wanted to hear.. mainly because its partially true.. i.e., she's the only one. The fact is that the animal part of our brain will wanted the greener pasture over there. One could argue that in men its worse as they get older as that societal cliche of older man and younger woman is a bit of a reality in that mid life crisis issue. However I think in such a case, couples should be realistic and realize that at 55, their relationship isn't just the physical glue that it was 30 years ago, its more the issue of companionship, a shared life together, and the imtimacy that the two share, which should really surpass any desire to be with a 36DD or a 10x7.

So relating to the what you posted, diamond, the "truth" is that there is someone far better looking than everyone in this board out there. thats a fact. Crap they may even be a better person. So why ask the obvious? The other hard truth out there is that whoever you are with is supposedly the "best you can do" and vice versa... I mean you can go through life thinking that way because in the end, we are just animals, with far far too much brain capaciity than this deserves to analyze it. its like that suopermodel wearing a fat suit for a day and suddenly realizing how cruel people can be. Well thats the "truth" out there...

So what remains is for us to use that oversized sex organ: the brain, to compensate for the cruelity regarding nature's genetical dice role. I think that one should realize that if they are in a relationship that its because they want to be.. despite the fact that there are better looking people out therre.. because there is way more than just the looks to have to tolerate when one is in that relationship.
 

36DD

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You asked him to be totally honest with you. He also said it was based purely on physical appearance and that he likes big boobs, so you can't fault him for that...it's his preference. What I take issue with was that he made a general statement saying all men like perfect petite women! He can't speak for all men any more than a woman can speak for all women!

And yes, it is perfectly natural for you to feel a little bit jealous when he said that...if you're anything like me, you don't like to come 2nd., but you did ask...
 

txnrude

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This really hits home with me as my last relationship pretty much ended because of insecurities and my ex's feeling that she wasn't as good as my previous gf. No matter how much I tried to make her feel secure and tell her how beautiful she was and if I had met the two of them at the same time it wouldn't have even been a choice as to who I would have picked, she still felt like she wasnt as pretty and she would say well Im not jewish (like my ex is and I am). My advice to you is to realize that he is with you for a reason, and that is all that matters.
 

LeeEJ

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Sadly, that's the comment most women dread hearing ....

Well, the original question was of the kind that most (hopefully all) guys dread being asked, too. "Loaded and immature" was right.

My rule is "if you don't want to know, don't ask". That goes both ways, of course.

Definitely.

Don't put us in a spot like that. Telling you what you want to hear is a combination of mindreading and lying; both suck. Even avoiding the answer is self-incriminating, no matter what we really wanted to say.

capslock made a good point (stereotyped or not) about guys' magazines being all about cars n' guns n' stuff and womens' mags being all about other (more perfect and idealized) women. Thinking about it, I've noticed that the most level-headed women I know are the ones who never read those kinds of materials. Now, as to which is the cause and which is the effect, I can only guess, but there's almost always a direct relationship there.

(or is it an inverse relationship: more Cosmo = less self-esteem.. ?)
 

SteveJake

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Yes, I answered a loaded question like this as well once....

"Honey does this dress make my butt look big?"

My answer: "It's not the dress."

I don't know if that's why we are divorced now, but I'm sure it played a part.

I like one of the first posters who said something like "If I asked the question, I wouldn't be upset at the answer."
 

LeeEJ

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"Honey does this dress make my butt look big?"

My answer: "It's not the dress."

I don't know if that's why we are divorced now, but I'm sure it played a part.

If I ever had to put up with questions like that, I'd probably start making plans to leave, too. What if I liked how it made her butt look big & juicy? If I answered, "Yes, it looks big, I like it," then how could she ever be mad? Oh yeah, because I'm supposed to guess at the answer I'm supposed to give, as if I were on a game show.

/end rant :wink:

She could've at least asked, "Does this dress make my ass look good?" :wink:
 

LouisVauban

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"Totally Honest" - two VERY loaded words.

After two hours of incredible, heart-pounding hours of sex, I was cuddling with a dear fuck-bud... we were laughing and talking..... actually, very intimate and sweet. Unfortunately, we were also trying to impress each other about our sexual appetites.

I asked him when he had last had sex... "Honestly? he asked. About an hour before you arrived this hot guy came over and we wnt at it..."

Well... he saw the look on my face and started backtracking... saying, if he had KNOWN we were going to get together beforehand, he would never have scheduled something before me, etc...

Wasn't his fault for being honest... was my fault for asking a loaded question.... I was SO SHOCKED that I could be so "hurt" by such a ridiculous situation... he wasn't my lover, we were talking about all the varied and great sex we had had... but, all of a sudden, it was personal.

honest answers almost always elicit emotional reaction... both good and bad.

Of course, he could have changed the topic or lied... LOL. It did teach me to be careful about being brutally honest in highly personal situations...
 

MagicTongue

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No offence to the men here, but most guys don't think before they speak. Loving a person's body is not near is important as loving the person as they are, both mentally, physically, spiritually, etc... So what if the ex had big knockers? She probably had a cruddy personality that just didn't work for him.
 

bigdude

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curiousgirl- i can tell from your avatar alone...you are beautiful. I mean that too, if i had a chance to be with you i would....ohhh man, let's just not go there lol :)


foreal, and u can think im just sayin this to cheer u up, but truth is, ur fuckin hot
 

LeeEJ

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No offence to the men here, but most guys don't think before they speak.

Not to be confrontational, but most people don't think before they speak -- or before they ask questions that they don't want the answers to.

In the original post, the guy almost certainly didn't speak right away because he was weighing whether or not he could safely tell her his answer. Too bad she didn't take it as well as he thought she might.
 

MagicTongue

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Not to be confrontational, but most people don't think before they speak -- or before they ask questions that they don't want the answers to.

In the original post, the guy almost certainly didn't speak right away because he was weighing whether or not he could safely tell her his answer. Too bad she didn't take it as well as he thought she might.

He obviously didn't think it through enough.
 

LeeEJ

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He obviously didn't think it through enough.

Maybe he thought it through too much -- and thought that their friendship was solid enough, that she was stable enough, for him to give his honest answer rather than spin up some bullshit that he could only guess she would accept.

Here's the thing: he didn't want to hurt her. Nobody in a relationship wants to hurt their partner. Nobody says anything hurtful on purpose until they're throwing their clothes out the window.

But they're honest with each other when they feel that they have a good relationship. Can you imagine lying to the person that you deeply trust? Isn't it obvious that lies erode the foundation of any good relationship?

Again -- and it's been said many times in this thread already -- don't ask questions that might give you answers that you don't want to hear.

This is part of why I'm still single. I can't stand this kind of bullshit. I might try to give a nicely-worded version of the truth, but it's still going to be the truth -- because that's what everyone deserves.

My last relationship was remarkably free of these mind games; she & I would probably be married by now if she hadn't turned out to be gay. Looking back now, she also never brought up previous partners, which is what led up to the Big Question in CG's opening post. That was a rule of hers, and I think it makes a lot of sense, and even more so now that I've been reminded of how people react to these things.
 

wingnut84

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Well, he probably could have been more tactful but YOU ASKED HIM STRAIGHT UP. That's why in relationships there's just some things you leave unsaid if you don't want an honest answer.

You also have the option of not letting it get to you. Just last week I asked my girlfriend if she thought a guy we'd passed had a better body (a guy who looked like he spent 2 hours at the gym each day, a habit for which I have neither the time nor patience). She said, "well, to be honest, yeah." I just laughed and said I agreed with her. Would I have asked that if I was insecure about the subject? Hell no.