Laura Ongaro on why women cheat

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Drifterwood, Oct 29, 2011.

  1. Drifterwood

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  2. Unnamed

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    ...because she thinks she can get away w/it
     
  3. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Not interesting.

    This part is ridiculous: "If we're really into a guy, we're loyal-from-first-kiss. Faithfulness is hardwired into our female circuitry, like our need to cuddle and to buy shoes."

    Further, it is silly to suggest a partner can do something to prevent what is often a one-time/impulsive thing. Women cheat for the same reason men cheat - the opportunity presents itself at the right (or wrong) time. If it happens, one just has to decide whether to stay or leave, and under what conditions.
     
  4. rob_just_rob

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    This article is invalid without

    7. Your dick is too small:wink:

     
  5. Madison_Thick

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    Lot of generalizations in that article, Batman!

    A few more reasons women cheat: they want variety, or their man's dick is too small, or he doesn't make her cum enough, or there is a lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship, or her man pissed her off, and sometimes its just that an opportunity presented itself and she knew she could get away with it!
     
  6. Drifterwood

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    I think it is interesting because it is a woman's perspective and explanation as to why women cheat. I wouldn't dismiss any of her points, but then I wouldn't accept the list as being comprehensive either.

    Certainly not all women are hardwired into being monogamous. So i don't really buy into this premise and from there explanations as to why this starting point goes wrong. Sure, that is the case sometimes, but not all times. Excuses excuses. :rolleyes:

    I have seen the age thing happen several times.
     
  7. Riven650

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    Women may be more 'hardwired' to monogamy, but I don't believe they are any more 'hardwired' to being faithful than men are. Both men and women cheat and I don't think it's worth arguing about which sex cheats more. I remember a friend of mine being absolutely devastated when his wife admitted cheating on him. The second blow was when she told him their daughter was by another man. He put it down to something he called 'human frailty'. I thought that was a very sensible outlook. The important thing is to understand that none of us cheat until we cheat, so it's best not to be too self righteous, or complacent, about it.
     
  8. Drifterwood

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    There are very strong biological and evolutionary influences that make this happen and there are a mountain of research papers on the subject. The generalised stats are that between 3 and 30% of kids do not have the father they think, depending upon where you sit on the socio economic ladder.
     
  9. Riven650

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    Yes, I'd read that one. My first 'wife' (not married, but living together for 5 years) cheated on me, and when challenged for the truth she admitted that she'd never been faithful. It really said more to me about her honesty (or lack thereof) than anything else.
     
  10. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    I dunno, I find it difficult to take an author seriously who begins by stating absolute principles about how women act in love relationships, then offers if the man isn't home for her bday or NYE she's fucking - anyone - because absence equals "permission." Oh yeah, and buy her some jewelry.

    I can't believe a woman wrote that shit. Fuck her.
     
  11. TheBestYouCan

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    I agree with Fights, Women cheat for the same reasons men cheat. This article is nonsense.

    And I cracked up at this "I can't believe a woman wrote that shit. Fuck her."
     
  12. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    This.
     
  13. Drifterwood

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  14. D_Fiona_Farvel

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    Still not interesting.

    From what I read on the site, there is very little utility to the information. Essentially, it still seeks to blame and point fingers, when what people really need to know is how to work through the situation - to either rebuild the relationship or, with dignity intact, extract oneself from it. That has value.

    Cheating is cheating, gender is irrelevant.​

    Other than the specific individual, no one knows what motivates a person to cheat. I think those on the receiving end try to understand the why, figure out their role in the mess - blah, blah, blah - all they need to know is, it's the cheater. Not you, but them.

    Everyone has a choice. Cheat if you must, but know that you are cheating of your own free will and no one is forcing you, so do not make it seem so. In most relationships, one is missing something and either chooses not to cheat and feels unsatisfied/miserable/*insert negative adjective here,* or cheats/leaves and attempts to find someone compatible who will make them feel more complete/fulfilled/*insert positive adjective here.*

    However, others also find some happy medium by redefining notions of fidelity and being honest with one's partner about desires, curiosities, and/or activity with other people. This requires respecting your partner, their well-being, and your relationship, while making certain anyone you are intimate with also respects your primary partner and that relationship. I mean, really discriminating, because there's a belief the people we make lifetime commitments to deserve it.

    Cheating just might happen, so why not give couples tools to make it right from the beginning? Or, if necessary for the relationship, tips on how to just shut the fuck up about whatever is on the side and continue to protect/love/honor/respect your partner?

    When a book speaks of infidelity in broader, less destructive, more healing oriented, less gendered terms like that, then I will manage to find it interesting. Meanwhile, I'll look to people like Betty Dodson and Dan Savage - http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/magazine/infidelity-will-keep-us-together.html?pagewanted=all
     
  15. Drifterwood

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    Honestly, I think this is passe bullshit. Nice if it were true, but horse manure, no offense personally, it is the mantra of the nineties that rolled through to the noughties. But people, men and women academics, soon saw that it was just so much PC rubbish. Men and women are different, and we behave differently, in many significant areas. Trying to squeeze us into a contruct of marriage forlife has really failed and caused so much unhappiness and misery that I really do wonder where we are headed. And yes, I know some people are blissfully happy but the real stat is that 50% of marriages today will fail within 5 years.

    Men used to have free reign to behave as they wished (maybe), but the tables have turned, women can often do what they want and blame men for everything wth the full backing of the law.

    Before you reach for the easy misogynist tag that excuses any lack of real argument, perhaps patronisingly, I don't think many women really know themselves. This is a problem for them and men. I think a lot of women are stuck between a pre and post modern feminist world. But this is a world in which they are still allowed the easy out of blaming men rather than understanding their own actions and motivations which sadly don't fit with the easy pc mantras. This is why I like the research of women as posted above.

    I know certain posters would like me to "change the record" but I genuinely would prefer a system that worked with the way we are rather than some bullshit constructs whether they be old religion or modern guff.

    Try reading all of this

    http://dontmarry.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/rotating.pdf

    Rant over, please return to happiness. :smile:
     
  16. HiddenLacey

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    I ♥ u :05: Don't know about you, but I can buy my own shoes and cuddle with my cat. The only thing I need a man for is to reproduce. I can choose to have a partner and I can choose to be faithful or unfaithful.


    People cheat, because they choose to cheat. Some people simply don't have the balls or the ability for one reason or another to simply face their partner and tell them the truth, so they cheat. Doesn't matter why or whatever reason they have, it's all the same bullshit wrapped in a differently worded package.


    Gender accounts for nothing. Everyone without a disability has the ability to control themselves.
     
  17. Drifterwood

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    Thanks for the honesty.

    Many men are rejecting this deal though. Quite rightly imo.

    And if we are being honest, I have absolutely no need for a woman in my life who thinks of men like this. :wink:
     
  18. HiddenLacey

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    That's not what I meant at all.

    I obviously meant that I don't need a man to buy me things and cuddle with me. I don't NEED a man for anything. I choose to love a man and enjoy having a man for a partner. You can twist it around however you think you need to :wink:
     
    #18 HiddenLacey, Oct 30, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 30, 2011
  19. Drifterwood

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    Uhhhh. Forgive me. I am a stupid simple man who just reads words. :cool:

    Maybe you'll be surprised.
     
  20. HiddenLacey

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    Selective reading, like selective hearing. You focused on part of what I was saying and not the point I was trying to get across.

    The woman writing the article said women need men to cuddle with and buy them shoes.

    Not
    <<<<this woman.

    I have two feet and I can stand on my own. However, I enjoy falling in love and sharing who I am with someone that's special to me. I was being a smartass. I can buy for myself, cuddle with my cat, the NEED is to reproduce, the WANT is for love and everything else that makes that person a part of my life. Without that person I just exist.
     
    #20 HiddenLacey, Oct 30, 2011
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