Learning Patience

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Rikter8, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. Rikter8

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    Are you an impatient person?
    If so, Does it affect your life in various ways?

    I'm an impatient person when it comes to driving. I really have no tolerance for lally gaggers and slow pokes.

    I'd love to learn to release the stress and agony, and learn to have more patience.

    Tips, suggestions? (Other than OD'ing on Xanax and making yourself sleepy, which I do often)
     
  2. Catchoftheday

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    Don't worry, I'm sure someone will reply to your post soon :biggrin1: :redface:
     
  3. nudeyorker

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    When I'm at my wits end with something I take a deep breath and ask myself if any of this will matter to me a year from now. If it won't I let it go. Life is short; enjoy the things that will matter next year.
     
  4. Calboner

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    I have a terrible lack of patience. All sorts of things irritate me. A psychotherapist once said to me, "You seem to live in a world overpopulated with idiots." Absolutely true. In public I sometimes must consciously restrain myself from rolling my eyes or letting out an exasperated sigh that might be noticed by the person whose behavior is provoking me. When I am alone, or think I am, and some piece of technology such as a computer fails to respond as it is supposed to do, I may actually start screaming at it. It is very deeply ingrained, and I have no idea what can be done about it.
     
  5. Principessa

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    Yes, always have been. :cool: Why, what's it to you? :irked:

    I used to get a lot of speeding tickets when I was younger. I learned to have patience in order to save on ticket & court fees, insurance, and surcharge points. :angryfire2:

    Nor, do I but I have gotten much better.:cool: Though in my opinion if you have no place to go and plenty of time to get there. Keep your ass home during morning and evening rush hour. :biggrin1:

    Yoga, meditation, try to remember that not everyone who loves cars, trucks, and engines is a good driver.

    I used to pray for patience until a cousin who is a Pentecostal minister. She told me never to do that as she had done that, and while it was successful it took a few years. It seems that in order to achieve the zen like patience that I desired God has to test you . . . over and over and over again. Each test of patience becoming more stressful and worse than the last. :frown1:
     
  6. Principessa

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    Stop working with idiots and start talking to yourself. :yup: I swear that's the only way I can have an intelligent conersation some days.
     
  7. Calboner

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    But often they are not idiots at all; they are just people doing something that I might myself do, like standing at a choke point in the aisle of a supermarket without being aware of blocking the path of other people (like me), or stopping their car because of some obstacle that I, in my car behind them, do not see, or mishearing or misunderstanding something that I have said to them. Of course, if I have time to think about it, I can put the event in perspective; but my ill-temper is much quicker and always manages to get there first. Even if I manage to withhold any outward sign of it, I still have to suffer it, and sometimes it distresses me that I have such a reaction.

    I think that my only release is in watching Fawlty Towers and laughing at Basil, who in many ways is a caricature of me. I don't know whether other viewers have so profound a relish of his misanthropic utterances as I do.
     
    #7 Calboner, Dec 15, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2009
  8. jason_els

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    I too seem to live in a world populated by idiots, inefficiency, inconvenience, and horrendous manners. It's pretty ghastly. I've been a complete Type A person my entire life and so are both my parents.

    When I got cancer, I realized I'd have to learn to live completely differently and change that Type A into a Type B if I had any hope of surviving. To that end I had to go looking for people who had managed that kind of transition and found it. One of my very dearest friends isn't just a Type B, he's like a Type C. He's Baloo. If I could get to that point, I'd be much happier. Another friend is a Type A too but had a moment of profound insight thanks to some road rage and he's been using Buddhist meditation practice to improve his balance and patience. On his advice, I began doing the same thing and seeing a rather unconventional counselor who is also familiar with Buddhist practice.

    I'm terrible at meditation. I have the worst monkey mind ever encountered. Monkey mind happens when you meditate and all that supposed blankness gets filled with all kinds of wandering thoughts and you've found that all you've done for 10 minutes is think about all your problems. I kept sticking with it and eventually that began to wear off but it's not easy. I have to re-center myself. I also can't meditate in that ridiculous lotus position so I lie on my bed and do it. I get much more comfortable and peaceful that way. Meditation becomes easier with practice.

    Does it help? Yes it does! It helps enormously with my frustration and anger levels and also helps me deal with pain and other stressors. Following zen techniques have provided me with a great deal of help in understanding myself and others as well. I find I'm more patient, more tolerant, more forgiving, and more easy going. I've got a long way to go, I admit, but I'm not stressing the small stuff so much.

    I am a very impatient driver. The only place I've ever driven and been completely happy is in Germany. I don't let my stress effect my driving though. I have far too much respect for my skills and my car to let it get to me. If I have to sit in traffic or get stuck behind a slowpoke then I just hang back and deal as there is no other choice. Nothing is so important that I need to endanger myself or others. That has always been my mantra. What's useful to me is transferring my thoughts about driving to my thoughts about all the other situations which do get me frustrated enough to do something physical. You might want to think of similar situations in which you always retain control and then try to think of those situations when you feel you're going to lose control.

    Either way, consider some simple daily meditation. You don't have to shave your head or talk like you just stepped off the set of Kung Fu, but try it for a month. Ten minutes a day in a comfy chair just trying to clear your mind can be a huge help. Like I said, it won't come naturally and you may even feel frustrated that you can't manage it, but stick with it and you'll find it gradually gets easier.
     
  9. Rikter8

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    Any particular steps to get you to a medatative state?
     
  10. Rikter8

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    Amen - hence this thread. I'm ready to come out of my skull, or commit vehicular hommocide...
     
  11. Calboner

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  12. jason_els

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    I find chanting Gyuto monks to be helpful or listening to ambient stress relief sounds like babbling brooks or jungle sounds. There's a great app for the iPod, Ambiance, that has a number of these to download or you can find them just about anywhere on the internet like YouTube. They help put me in the mind. One of my dogs likes to lie right next to me when I do this and if I find my thoughts wandering too much I just reach out and pet him a little to keep me grounded. Pretty much anything that puts you in calm state is helpful.

    Om Mani Padme Hum is pretty happy and quite lovely even though it sounds like Chinese restaurant muzak.

    If you find you have problems with this, try bilateral stimulation. Bilateral stimulation using tones programmed to induce certain brain states works really well. In fact it has to work because your brain is programmed to accept it. What happens is one tone goes in one ear while another goes in the other. They alternate but when heard together (this only works using earphones/earbuds) your brain makes them into one particular tone. You hear it as warbling. Bilateral stimulation has been used by the VA for vets with PTSD and it's worked really well. There's an iPod app, binaural beat, which I use for this sort of thing right before they hook me up for chemo. A few minutes of this while in a reclining chair and I'm much less stressed.

    I want to get one of those desktop fountains and use that for meditation. Right now I use a fan to create a kind of white noise. I find a steady background sound really helpful.

    It's important to realize that you mind may wander. If it does, don't fight it. Let the thought come, take note of it, and then let it pass. That's all you need to do.

    Buddhism works well for me because there is no dogma. All the spirits and entities they talk of are manifestations of what I think Jung would call archetypes of the collective unconscious. They don't exist outside of our own mind. They're not supernatural entities. Demons are our own failings and fears, gods and goddesses are our own hopes and dreams. This is one of the reasons I like Zen a great deal. Zen leaves the supernatural and the metaphysical at home by saying essentially, "That's nice but it won't get you peace of mind."

    I'm very, very, wary of any religious goop so I stay away from the branches of Buddhism that have gods and goddesses who are supernatural. YMMV.

    I hope this helps.

    P.S. -- The cultivation of patience with others is manifest as compassion. You may find weird coincidental shit happening too. It's part of what happens.
     
    #12 jason_els, Dec 16, 2009
    Last edited: Dec 16, 2009
  13. HUNGHUGE11X7

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    By nature I am NOT a patient person either . I mostly have to blame my parents for this cause as a child all I had to do was ask for something and got it , my friends still kid me about that .
    I learned as an adult it didn't work like that in the real world and nor should it. I pretty much still have them wrapped but I also have learned patience . I have infinite patience with people except when they are being plain stupid or they are slow to learn what I readily grasp.
    I have given music lessons and vocal lessons I have no problem with but so many people have asked me to teach them piano and I simply cannot. I expect them to be plaing Fur Elise within a year as I was able to do .
    I learned a LOT of what I call GOOD HUMAN TRAITS and things everyone should endeavor to cultivate in their spirit by reading a lot of DR WAYNE DYER . I highly recommend any book he has written.
    Long before he was on ELLEN I read his books in my teens when my psychologist suggested them to me.
    When you gain benefit from his works and wish to go deeper anything by DEEPAK CHOPRA is a very worthy read .

    GOOD LUCK , I promise you I know how hard it is and the worst thing about being impatient is the useless energy you expend on something MOST of the time you have no control over to begin with.


    NAMASTE

    HH
     
  14. whatireallywant

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    I grew up with a dad who was very impatient with me if he was trying to teach me to do something and I couldn't get it right on the first try. So how did I turn out as an adult with regards to patience? Just like my dad, I'm afraid! :biggrin1: I found that out at one job I had where I had a co-worker who kept messing up on the simplest things. Now granted, a lot of stuff I mess up on at jobs, that's why I'm often unemployed :eek: but this was stuff that actually did come easily to me. Anyway, I caught myself being really impatient with her and I'm thinking a couple of thoughts: "Yikes - I'm just like my dad!", and "I'd hate it if someone treated me the way I'm treating her!". Sigh...

    My lack of patience is also one of the reasons I've never wanted kids (I also can't stand the noise, and like to come and go as I please, plus there's the expense...), and why I'm not cut out for caregiver type jobs - that last part is particularly unfortunate, as caregiver jobs are recession-proof!

    As for driving, the main time my impatience comes out is when there's a lot of traffic during rush hour. Most of the time right now I work odd hours so I don't encounter that so much. It's when I open in the morning (which I occasionally do), that I run into rush-hour traffic.
     
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