Left at the altar: What should I say to her?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by AlteredEgo, Aug 19, 2007.

  1. AlteredEgo

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    This didn't quite seem right for the relationships forum.

    A close friend of mine was abandoned by her fiance four days ago. Today was to be their wedding, but last night, our investigation into his disappearance (since the police refused to help) revealed that despite seeking her father's permission, despite 17 years of history he never intended to go through with this wedding. She'd never caught him in a lie (to her, anyway) before this.

    She may be pregnant, too, by about 6 weeks.

    The worst part is that none of us trusted him. We all told her to get rid of him (though none of us is handing out any 'I-told-you-so' vouchers.

    I helped investigate, I called in the cheerleaders. I'm going over there now, armed with rice, beans, ice cream, and fried chicken. I'm going to download some movies from Netflix at her house, and hang out for a while every day this week, since she's off work for her honeymoon.

    I'm doing plenty. But what can I say?
     
  2. Mem

    Mem
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    .

    What can you say...just say you are sorry that this happened to her, don't say "I knew it, or I told you so". then agree with everything she says on the matter.
     
  3. canuck_pa

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    This all must be very tramatic for your friend. She will need all the support she can get from her friends and family. Now is the time to just hold her, comfort her and lend a shoulder to cry on. Your right about any "I told you so's" Eventually I hope she will come around to realize that he did her a big favour.

    Hopefully she isn't pregnant but if she is, deal with it when and if its confirmed and again support her in whatever decision she makes.

    Then go after the bastard to pay for all the wedding expenses.
     
  4. AlteredEgo

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    She is already aware that I made arroz con gandules. We are a bunch of blacks and hispanics. Rice is comfort food. LOL I would never tell her I told you so (as I already mentioned in the post). I like the idea of agreeing with whatever she says. I'll try that.
     
  5. SpoiledPrincess

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    I think it's like death, some people want to talk when someone they've loved dies, other people want to take their minds off it. Take your cue from her, if she wants to talk about it let her pour her heart out, if she doesn't then just be a good friend and chat about anything and everything else to keep her mind off it. Often if people chose to talk they don't want any constructive advice they just want to vent so it's usually appropriate to just make encouraging remarks to help her get it out of her system.
     
  6. AlteredEgo

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    I will definitely do all of those things. Luckily, it was to be a small wedding. There was only one bridesmaid, and nearly all of the costs have been refunded. He will certainly be sued for the cancellation fees, and the cost of the dresses for the bride, bride's mother, and bridesmaid.

    The most embarrassing part is impending: Returning all the gifts and money she's received.
     
  7. Mem

    Mem
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    So you tell me to fuck off in one thread and agree with me in the next. Valla Con Dio'. Mr.Boriqua or Dominican.
     
  8. AlteredEgo

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    makes sense to me.
     
  9. AlteredEgo

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    Unlike you, I have the mature ability to see when someone I don't like is saying things which make sense. You're still free to kiss my ass at any time. Stay on topic. Talk about what to do in the situation described in the OP, or shut up.
     
  10. arliss

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    do not say anything ...right now I think she needs a few good listeners.......she wants to vent.......just be there with an open ear...and respond to her....it will be ok as long as she has support from good friends
     
  11. rob_just_rob

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    Just listen to her, but dont make the whole evening a rehash of what has happened. No doubt she has been thinking about what happened 24/7, and she may well be happy to watch movies and talk about other things.

    I guess I'm trying to say that you should sort of follow her lead on the conversation topics.

    And FWIW, she is the wronged party and just about anyone who hears about this will know that. She's got nothing to be embarassed about. Some time from now, it can be considered a fortuitous escape.
     
  12. Mem

    Mem
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    I will never kiss your ass. But you showed me what an asshole you are.

    You lack the maturity to have ended the fued at that point. You are childish, immature, and you are probably gonna fuck tonight up by saying the wrong thing.
     
  13. rob_just_rob

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    AE is an asshole for refusing to carry your disagreement from another thread into this one? :confused:
     
  14. Mem

    Mem
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    No, that's terrible, that's like me saying that you are a 3 pump chump.
     
  15. AlteredEgo

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    Sounds about right to me. Thanks.

    This seems a particularly important point.


    I did tell her this, but it didn't seem to make her think it would be any easier to face her co-workers again next week and return their gifts. I guess I'll tell her as often as she needs to hear it. Thanks.
     
  16. AlteredEgo

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    Please don't respond to whatever Mem is writing. I have him on ignore, but I assume it's off-topic.
     
  17. rob_just_rob

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    This is a good point. It suggests that you can't tell when people are being facetious, and that you tend to take disagreements too personally.

    Lighten up. As has been said, this is "just a messageboard". And I'm still at a loss as to why you would make what appeared to be a non-rancorous response to this thread, and then get mad when AE agreed with you.
     
  18. AlteredEgo

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    Okay. I'm leaving before the rice gets cold and the ice cream melts.
     
  19. Mem

    Mem
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    I did not mean for it to sound mad, when he agreed with me. But I was upset when he so eloquently said "fuck you , bitch"
     
  20. AlteredEgo

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    I couldn't resist peeking. Sue me. LOL

    Sure I said that. First, you told me you had interpreted my responses as condescending and hostile, and I told you that was an incorrect interpretation. None the less, you continued to become increasingly hostile toward me.

    I was fairly tolerant until you called me childish, foolish, scary, psychotic (do you know the actual definition of that word?) and said that I need a mental cleansing! Wat does that make you if not an asshole and a bitch? Now stay on topic, or shut the fuck up, you witless cunt!

    And, now, I really must be off. You're free to respond if you like, mem, but I won't be checking out any more of your drivel. That's right, crybaby. it means you get to have to the last word!
     
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