Atypical gay love story turns Psychological Thriller I changed the title for purposes of posting it here. I'll post a chapter or 2 at a time. At first it may seem like a jackoff novel but it's more than that. Keep in mind as you read it; some events are written precisely as they happened in real life, some disguised and some are complete fiction, you decide which are which. I'm still doing some final editing so I won't be surprised if you nail me on grammar and a few mismatched edges where I made the story leaner. So here's the beginning of my 75,000 word rant. Enjoy. ******************************************************** Chapter 1-Missle Lock One day when I was 22, I was coming in from surfing. It was a killer Southern California July day. The waves were pretty flat, mostly 1-2 foot ankle slappers. I loved spending time out in my own little world so I didn't mind. I had a lot to think about. For years, I'd felt like I was living a lie. I'd lived my whole life watching myself do things I didn't want to do and not doing the things I did. I was always told I was a really good looking guy but I didn't seem to see what others did. From outward appearances I was the typical blond, blue eyed Southern California surfer boy. I always felt inferior to other guys and never knew anyone thought I was hot. I wanted to change my life but I didn't know how to do it. I was sick of just existing and wanted to start living. I'd made a lot of choices always staying on the safe side. I know I missed out on a lot. When I was growing up, I wasn't interested in the same things as other guys. I always felt separate. My usual day had my nose stuck in a book, one far advanced from my age group. While other kids were out playing in the dust, I was reading British Literature or about Egyptology. My interests and obsessions varied from month to month but the theme was consistent; I loved things far outside my age range. Growing up, most kids my age were put off with the way I spoke, "like a grown up". Adults joked "you talk like you're 40." I got along best with people who were older. I guess puberty was the great equalizer, all teenagers were horny and wanted to screw. I'd had crushes before but was about 14 was when I really started noticing some of the beautiful jocks and cute, charming, nerdy guys around school who were a whole lot less intimidating. I always thought gay boys were the ones who acted on their attraction to other guys. Straight dudes didn't and dated girls. I thought all of us were hungry for cock because I didn't know any better. I listened to fanatical religious dogma and unfortunately internalized it. Being gay didn't seem to be an option so I dated girls, all the while sneaking peeks in the locker room and crotch watching. I liked that way more than playing sports. I still remember the quarterback, Ryan playing catch with a football on the front lawn of our school. He was shirtless and beautiful. He had light blond hair, clear blue eyes and an amazing chisled body. I wondered if he had any idea how delicious he looked. I stood transfixed for I don't know how long and when I snapped out of it. I hoped nobody had seen me staring with my jaw on my shoes. I wondered if anyone else felt the same in that moment...like being in the presence of something so beautiful it didn't seem real. My crushes were pretty innocent until after high school when I had a couple serious girlfriends. I met the whiny, frigid one one night when we were 19. We got along great at first but she was annoying and neuriotic which seemed to get worse with time. I enjoyed fucking her until she wouldn't let me anymore. She said it hurt too much. The days I was at college drove me crazy. Not everyone was a stud but amazing looking guys roamed the campus freely, making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. Being young, I walked around campus with a perpetual erection. Everywhere I went, there were studly guys and it was especially true on the beach. Most of the surfers had tight bods with muscles and bulges in all the right places. Every day I fantasized about what I'd do with a guy...and what he'd do to me. I was too terrified to do anything about it. On nice days, guys on campus would be sitting out on the grass in front of the cafeteria with their shirts off. I'd see gorgeous pecs, bulging biceps, or normal nerdy guys who were incredibly cute. They usually hung out in the library, one of my daily haunts. I wanted a taste, either would have been earth shattering after my years of longing. My urge for some horizontal experience with another guy was building to a fever pitch and I didn't know what to do about it. I never considered myself the g-word and lived with my girlfriend, and like I said, existed on another plane of reality just to make life bearable. That day I ditched school to think about things. My mind was racing so much that I couldn't concentrate on anything. It was a day so exceptional that I had to take advantage of it. I felt truly alone. It was just me, my board, the water and a few Sea Lions. Nobody else was near, they were way to the south toward Point Dume. I don't know how long I stayed out, it seemed like hours. I would have done anything for some company. I came up to the beach showers, unzipped my wetsuit and began to wash off the sand and salt. The top of it had fallen down as I'd unzipped it all the way, showing the top of my ass and a trail of my pubes in front, just below my tan line. As I rubbed the salt off my pecs in the cold stream of water, my nipples got hard from the temperature and I felt someone watching me. Sitting on a short wall was a big, muscular dude with fairly short, almost black curly hair. He was wearing a pair of red board shorts and a tank top. He was a tall, amazing looking, built guy. From his revealing trunks, he looked huge all over. I think I was staring and drooling. He was the most perfect specimen of man I'd ever seen, almost too beautiful to be real. He looked like a pro jock or a superhero. I was trying to look at him and play it off at the same time. I wasn't very slick. He stared at me with an intense, unblinking gaze. I was excited and terrified at the same time. He had missle lock on me and I had no idea what to do. He stood up and started walking toward me. I froze. What if he wanted to kick my ass?