Let's Say Goodbye?

[Incocknito]

Do you think its important to "say goodbye" at the end/ break up of a relationship?

Do you think that if you just stop talking/avoid each other that that leaves the door open or is that just as final as you both agreeing to part?

Answers on a postcard :tongue:

 

[B_Nick8]

[Weather is here. Wish you were beautiful. You leaving? See you when I get home.

xx]

 

[B_subgirrl]

I like closure and finality - ie. saying goodbye AND a big discussion about why.

 

[nudeyorker]

I actually sent a postcard to someone on the mainland from Hawaii once...
"Aloha can mean hello or good-bye! Happy you are not in my life anymore! Aloha!"

 

[flame boy]

If I broke up with someone I would simply not bother them again once the break up was done. If reconciliation and friendship takes place at a later date then so be it. I'm not one for over the top gestures, especially for someone who I am ending a relationship with!

 

[B_subgirrl]

I actually sent a postcard to someone on the mainland from Hawaii once...
"Aloha can mean hello or good-bye! Happy you are not in my life anymore! Aloha!"

 

[798686]

In theory I think it's best to tell them straight so there's no doubt about it. But having said that, I don't think that's what I generally do. I tend to let relationships linger on really craply for ages. :/

 

[HiddenLacey]

What exactly is meant by goodbye... are we talking "goodbye, don't let the door hit you?" or maybe "things aren't working out, we're two different people, etc. etc...."

What type of relantionship are we talking about?

If it's a serious relantionship, I'm not quite sure how someone would think breaking up by not speaking to each other would be a good thing. I feel as though some type of closure is needed. I tend to let bad relantionships linger as Joll said, I just don't want to deal with the drama, but the longer you're in a bad relantionship the harder it seems to get out of.

Oh and there is no, "the door is open," with me. Once it's through it's through, no second chance. I would have to remind myself the reasons why this person and I did not work out in the first place.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Oh and there is no, "the door is open," with me. Once it's through it's through, no second chance. I would have to remind myself the reasons why this person and I did not work out in the first place.

This part is true for me when it comes to a relationship and sex, but I do prefer to remain friends with my exs. Unfortunately, they don't usually want to remain friends. I really would like to.

 

[D_Barbi_Dahl]

Ima fan of closure.

 

[Bbucko]

If it was completely casual (as in fuckbud), I generally let it taper off, leaving the door open for some later reconnect.

If it's someone has hurt me or otherwise done me wrong, I discuss this in detail and tie up as many loose ends as possible; depending on the severity of the betrayal, there may or may not be room in my heart for a continued friendship once the smoke clears.

My last long-term relationship (nine years, at least five years too long) ended in a nuclear war of words. He knows very well that any attempt to contact me would either be ignored or, if persistent, be treated with an extremely harsh and deeply personalized hostility.

 

[D_Relentless Original]

I think there needs to be *Closure*, not sure if goodbye is the right ending, depends on the break i guess.

 

[B_625girth]

when I was single, I liked to know why a gal was breaking up with me. I know that when I wasn't interested in continuing a relationship I always said why, and most of the time the gal wasn't that hip on continuing either. you can sense it. I did have one relationship were there was no explanation. I knew something was up, and when she graduated from nursing I bought her a gift. she seemed shocked and pleased. later as we were driving to her place, she told me what a sweet good man I was, a great lover and friend. she had tears in her eyes. I was a little shocked. 2 hours later at a party, she was hanging out with a friend. she was crying cuz she was dumping my ass, and didn't know how to do it. 2 days later we were done. she started dating him and in 2 weeks found out he was a total jerk and not much of a man in or out of bed.

 

[Incocknito]

Thanks peeps. I guess I am similar to 625girth in that I will always tell a girl honestly what is wrong...

There's just one person who doesn't seem to want to say goodbye to me / can't stay away. Which doesn't help me.

Maybe if I wasn't such a dreamer I'd get over her. But in my dreams she's the perfect woman. In reality she's much worse. :redface:

 

[nudeyorker]

Incocknito as glib as my post was previously (although it felt good at the time) I truly believe in communication in any relationship. It sounds like you have gone through something difficult and it is heart rending to make an ending to the story even though as you suggest it's for the best for you. (which is the most important issue at the end of a relationship depending on the dynamics that preceded the breakup)
If it helps at all I always define relationships this way...
A one night stand is a one night stand... no muss no fuss.
If you spend any amount of time with someone from the first date up until a year; you are having an affair. At which point a brief discussion in a neutral locale (nothing that will stir up old memories) should suffice to discuss the issues of why it is best to part.
Beyond that year it is much more difficult because you have spent four seasons of birthday's and holidays and you are more invested in each others lives... You have to do what is ever necessary to help both of you to move on.
Again I don't know the details, but I began to suspect that there was more to this story than you eluded to in your opening post.
It sounds like this is a difficult time and decision. Good Luck.
Me ke aloha.

 

[Incocknito]

We'll see. I think I just want an explanation from her or for her to admit that she mistreated me. Maybe a "sorry" or something...

Anyway I will busy myself now so there should be more threads like this :tongue:

 

[sexplease]

I prefer, see ya later.
In all my years I've only banished one person for ever.

 

[helgaleena]

She is the flighty female who breezes in and out of your life too casually for your liking, from a previous posting? I think it's unrealistic to expect any apology because to her eyes there was nothing done wrong. Casual sex is no biggie to her.

But you do need to explain to her why you are cutting her off. She will then realize that 1) either you have more feelings for her than she does for you, or 2) sex is actually a very sacred and intimate act of sharing. She can either commit to you and get treated with more respect and treat you the same, or choose to quit using you like a Jiffy-lube.

The third possibility is that when you do try to explain it, she will get all offended and storm off , never coming back. Even that would be better than cutting her off without trying to explain.

 

[sleepiboi]

I agree that I do like closure. I hate for things to just...end without there being much of reason. There was someone this happened to me with my freshman year and it's awkward when I see them around campus.

 

[D_Tim McGnaw]

I've actually changed my phone number and gone away for a few weeks and not told the (cunt) guy I was seeing where I went. Three weeks later he was just no longer in my life. It was great. No warning, no big last argument or discussion, nothing. For all I know he could still think we're seeing eachother. LOL

Normally though I tend to tell people what the story is, and especially if I in fact still like them as a friend will always go through the process of winding things up. If that constitutes a Goodbye then so be it.

It depends on the relationship and it depends on how healthy or dysfunctional a breakup you're having.