Let's talk about LOVE.....

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jeff black, Jun 15, 2006.

  1. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I wanna know where love is..... I want you to show me......

    As I am driving to work today, the song comes on and sticks in my head all DAY! I am not complaining.. the 80's had great music.

    Anyways, the song got me thinking. What is love?

    I mean, How does a person realize that what they are feeling for another, has grown beyond a crush, infatuation, or obsession and turned into this emotion called LOVE?? When do you decide that you LOVE someone?

    Any ideas?

     
  2. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    I know when the infatuation wears off and the person is still there am I'm still crazy about them, it's definitely love. It's easy to have a torrid fuckfest for a few weeks and say "I'm in love!" but it's not really love. I'm still in love with my partner 6 years later. We're the disgusting ones who finish each other's sentences. I can't imagine life without him now. I've only ever felt that for one other person.
     
  3. headbang8

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    I've had crushes, infatuations and obsessions. But love never needs all that. For me, it's an instant conviction that this is right. That it feels natural. That I can't imagine it any other way.

    Litmus test. I think of him more often than I think of myself. If you love enough people, and do it well and deeply, you end up thinking of yourself very little. Not a bad way to live, as a rule.

    When I hear a piece of music, my many reactions to it always include "M would like that." (or not, as the case may be). When something delights me, my first instinct is to share it with him. These thoughts aren't obsessive or neurotic, but a natural, comfortable part of two lives woven together.

    If it's unrequited, it ain't love.
     
  4. headbang8

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    Y'know Jeff, what's most interesting to me is that your topic has been up for nearly a day, and the only replies have come from a couple of sentimental old fags (sorry, Sorcerer, but I think you'd plead guilty to that!)

    One of the great joys of my job is that I need to read books like this one for work, and as luck would have it, it landed on my desk today. The author is a french academic (strikes one and two, no?) who decodes what abstract concepts like "perfection" "strength" and "love" really mean.

    He argues that love for Americans is all about EXACTLY what you wrote in your second last paragraph. He says love = heroic failure. Obsession, unrequited passion, the pain of love. Once an American finds love, and captures it, it loses its value. If you ask young Americans about the most important love story in their lives, they never tell one which ends happily ever after. However popular that may be in movies.

    Maybe the song sings about what Americans believe love really is. A hopeless fantasy which is too upsetting, random, unpredictable, and out-of-control to fit into a purposeful life.

    OTOH, I suspect people like the Sorc and myself find true love is a refuge from all that hopeless, obsessive romantic angst. But I think we have reason to--do I recall your bio correctly, Sorcerer? Giving our hearts to another person may have been a shrewd choice in both of our cases; Our husbands can manage our hearts better than we can. If that means we're out of control, so be it.

    Thanks for asking, Jeff. Serendipitous timing.
     
  5. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    It's I wanna *know* what love is btw...lol

    That song is so great, it fit perfectly into the Quantum Leap episode 'Temptaion Eyes' hehe.

    Anyway, I think its a myth really...put about to encourage monogamous relationships. It's a nice idea, that you can care about someone a lot. To me, presently, that's all I see it as. Maybe one day I myself will know what (and therefore where :p) love is.

    At the moment though I think its a lie or just a nice story. Although I am VERY attracted to a certain female...and I want hugs and kisses rather than cock worship and hard penetration...it could all be just a phase.

    I would also not like to call my love (if I come across one, or two) 'love' just because that's what everyone calls it and it loses its meaning...isn't as powerful...but that's just me.
     
  6. mindstar

    mindstar Member

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    i don't know what love is...

    i don't even know if i have ever been in love
    i thought i was but obviousily i wasn't
    *laughs*

    i believe in it
    i've seen other people in love and gone wow i'd like to be like that
    ah one day :rolleyes:
     
  7. DC_DEEP

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    I'm not sure how to answer your question, jeff... I just knew that I was in love. I guess what makes our love as strong as it is, is that we have many common interests, many different interests, and my strengths match his weaknesses, his strengths match my weaknesses.

    I just got exceptionally lucky about 5 years ago, I guess. The interesting thing is, my initial attraction to my husband was intellectual, not physical. That being said, there is no one else in the world I could possibly imagine spending the rest of my life with.
     
  8. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    Do you know the feel of standing in front of the sea, while a storm is approaching and the tide raises? wind is strong, salty air penetrates your chest, waves are powerful.

    And you hear birds crying, and you hear trees weeping, and your heart jumps.

    It is a strenght you can't resist.

    It is when you feel drunk without drinking anything, and you fly without wings.

    Do you know the feel of burning in open fire while outside it is freezing?

    It is thinking of her and being sure she is all you dreamed of, and sure more than you deserve.
     
  9. Mr. Snakey

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    :smile: Love Being in love is like a disease that breeds jealosy and hate Truely loving someone is something beautifull
     
  10. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    In the future, I'd prefer it if you didn't refer to me as old. :biggrin1: I had a feeling this wouldn't be a popular topic or an easy one.

    I was guilty of this. I used to say the "love of my life" was a man who couldn't love me in return once I fell in love with him. He was addicted to the chase and once it ended, I chased him. He did callous and cruel things to me. I wasn't the greatest to him either. We were caught up the fight, fuck, fight, fuck cycle. The whole thing was very painful and dramatic and the sex was sensational. When the dust settled, I was left with a profound feeling of loss and "what should have been". My best parallel is cocaine: it feels great when you do it, the comedown makes you feel worse than you ever have in your life but you go back for more because it felt so good in the first place. Repeat ad nauseum. As I matured, I realised I didn't have to go through all that. The story ended terribly and I ached for him. Pathetic.


    Many people have no concept of what real, (fairly) healty relationship is about. Many of these people are in relationships, I was one of them.

    I can't imagine it any other way. Before I met my husband, I said never again! My plan was to pack my sluttiest clothes into the trunk of my Mustang and head off to NYC to become (or resume) my career as a whore. I figured nobody would want me as a husband. At that moment, the universe intervened and I met the most wonderful, kind, gentle, sensitive, caring, sexy and intelligent man I've ever run across. He treats my heart as if it's a newborn babe. He's never been cruel or callous in any way. He couldn't be. I was pretty cynical at this point having been through 3 bad relationships. I wasn't much of a prize. He apparently saw something I couldn't. He kept telling me I was kind and good, and in return I told him I was a hard, callous old whore. Even after I moved in with him, it took him 2 years to convince me to spend my life with him. I realised when I finally said it, I'd made the decision long ago. He knows me better than I know myself. Yes, I made a shrewd choice. I didn't take it lightly. He's not just a boyfriend I'm going to fuck for a few weeks and move on. I wouldn't have shacked up with just any man. I didn't even want one but wouldn't have it any other way. We belong together.
     
  11. dong20

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    Never try to define love, once defined love is confined and, once confined -- It dies.
    Anon.:smile:
     
  12. Mirai

    Mirai New Member

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    What is love
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    What is love
    Yeah
    Oh I don't know
    why you're not fair
    I give you my love
    but you don't care
    So what is right
    and what is wrong
    gimme a sign
    (chorus x2)
    uoh oh...
    Oh I don't know
    what can I do
    what else can I say
    it's up to you
    I know we're one
    just me and you
    I can't go on
    (chorus x2)
    uoh oh..
    What is love
    What is love
    What is love
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    Don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    I want no other
    No other love
    This is your life
    our time
    When we are together
    I need you forever
    Is it love
    (chorus x2)
    uoh oh..
    (chorus x2)
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    Baby don't hurt me
    Don't hurt me
    no more
    what is love?!...
     
  13. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Go back to the fucking Roxbury.
     
  14. Lex

    Lex
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    Sorceror and headbang8 -- I have really enjoyed reading both of your responses to this topic. Thanks for sharing!!
     
  15. Matthew

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    "I Want to Know What Love Is" was #1 single for Foreigner in 1984. The gospel vocal toward the end ("Let's talk about love") is Jennifer Holiday, who had recently finished the original Broadway run in Dreamgirls.
     
  16. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Well, quite honestly Sorcerer... I thought a thinking thread, would be a welcome change from the threads of late. The question is purely opinion, and allows alot of people to answer.

    @Wonderboy~ Thanks for the correction.. I was pretty sure it was WHAT as well.. but I put where, cause it made sense at the time.:tongue:

    Headbang~ thanks for the revive.:biggrin1:

    Personally, Love has never been something I could define, but I said it recently... almost as a subconcious slip. I did mean it though...

    Which actually brings me to ANOTHER question...

    Wonderboys point about love being made up got me thinking. MY personal opinion... and YES, it is mainly wishful thinking, is that LOVE is something you can achieve. IT is real. Maybe I am just an emotional person, but I can feel connections with people...given a period of time... You feel the connection that is so great, there is no other word to describe it.

    My apoligies for the ramble...My newer question is, What is the difference between Loving a friend, loving a family member, and loving that "special someone"?
     
  17. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Or is there one?:biggrin1:
     
  18. Ummagumma

    Ummagumma New Member

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    This is a really interesting question, I'm gonna try to answer it, although on these longer ones I tend to ramble and lose my point...

    Loving a friend
    I think that this is by far the most unique of the three, as when you really look into it, a close friend is the least necessary of the 3, but at the same time, every bit as good to have. Your relationships with family members is at least at some level forced (even if its only in how you first 'met'), and with a lover/spouse it is implied that you know everything about each other, body and mind, while not keeping secrets (at least you shouldn't...), but these aren't necessarily the case for a friend - how much do your coworkers really know about your family? Did your high school buddies ever see you cry? I have friends that I go months, even years now, without ever so much as speaking with, but then we cross paths and it's like nothing changed. Friends help you go back in time and relive the mindset and life you had at a different part of your life. We laugh about those old times, we catch up a bit, and I marvel at the fact that we still have so much in common. And I could depart them knowing I may never see them again for 5 years and that's ok, we're friends, and always will be. Friends are representive of love of the past.

    Loving a family member
    As I mentioned before, loving a family member has a certain 'forced' aspect to it - you don't choose your family like the other two types, after all. It's a lot like genetics, sometimes you get lucky, sometimes you don't, but you take what you get, and you adapt. That's why the way you were raised is so important to a person's psyche. Whatever the case, you're there, good times and bad, always. I admit that a certain level of mutual respect is required of course, and acceptence at what your relative has become, otherwise love cannot grow, you know? These are people that share parts of your genetic makeup, they grew up in similar environments, they were there for the same weddings, birthdays, funerals as you. Sharing these experiences with them should create a love that is both strong and important to you. And you could turn to them at any time, even right now, if you needed help. Family is there for you as you are for them. Family is representive of love in the present.

    Loving that "special someone"
    OK, this is the toughest one for me to tackle, as (especially when compared to the other two) its something I don't have much experience with. A special someone is in many ways like a friend - from an outside environment, no genetic similarities (I hope!), etc, etc. Yet it is someone you feel an even deeper connection with - you share everything, home, body, it all. They are someone you want to know everything about, unlike family whom you almost have to know everything about. You can look into their eyes and know what they're thinking. You can see them enter a room and know exactly what they are going to say. That's powerful stuff, and that's why this is the only love that involves sex, as that's a very powerful thing as well (if you ask me)... I think to many people disregard it's importance really, but that's another day, another subject. I mentioned how friends can joke about the past... you can here too, but you can also talk about the future: getting married, raising a family, growing old together. "Special someones" are representive of love of the future.
     
  19. Lioness

    Lioness New Member

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    I was in love, once. Though he loved me too. Turns out he didn't and now I'm heartbroken. Don't ever want to put myself in that position again.

    And I think friendship is the most important of the 3 'loves'. Relationships come and go, but love your friends and love them well and they will always, always be there. And you know the saying 'You can't choose your family.'
     
  20. rabidrabbit

    rabidrabbit Member

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    Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.

    That's a line from a movie but I think it's spot-on.
    For those who have posted and claim that there is no such thing, well I hope you find love some day. For those who have loved, lost and refuse to give that part of themselves again, I feel you'll live lonely lives. Not in every sense of course, but not giving everything you have in a relationship usualy results in the end of a relationship.

    And please believe me when I say I've been there. I have.

    Of course, some people are simply happier on their own, in control of themselves with no relying on anyone else to be there for them, or the burden of having to be there for someone else. I can respect that too.
     
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