Letter To Kotex

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by windtalkerways, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. windtalkerways

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    Not sure if the guys will find this that
    amusing but I found it flippin' funny!:wink:

    Dear Kotex,

    I recently noticed that the peel-off
    strip of my pantiliner had a bunch of
    "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.

    Annoying advice such as:
    Staying active during your period
    can relieve cramps.

    Avoiding caffeine may help reduce
    cramps and headaches.

    Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day
    to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.

    Try Kotex blah blah blah other products.

    Obviously the person behind this was
    someone who has never possessed a
    functioning pair of ovaries. Go ahead
    and tell a menstruating woman TO
    HER FACE that drinking 6-8 glasses
    of water will help keep her feeling
    fresh. See what happens and report
    back. I'll wait here.

    While you're at it, dump out the
    coffee at work and remove the chocolate
    from the vending machine. I guaran-damn-tee
    that the first responders will be females
    who just ovulated.

    Look, females don't need or want tips
    for living on feminine hygiene products.
    Younger girls are already hearing "helpful"
    crap like that from their elderly relatives.
    Veteran females have already concocted
    their own recipes for survival, most
    containing alcohol.

    Mostly we'd like to forget that we
    even need these products. It's not a
    fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us
    up by adding smiley faces or bunnies
    or flowery cutesy crap to your products
    or the packaging.

    Put the damned things in a plain brown
    wrapper so we can throw it in our carts
    discreetly and have it blend in among
    the wine and beer. There is nothing
    more annoying than having a blinding
    pink package announcing your uterine
    state to everyone in the damn store.
    The ultimate goal of your product
    should be functional invisibility at
    every stage, including the point of
    purchase.

    So take your tips for living and
    shove them right up you're butt.
    Try drinking six to eight glasses
    of water to make you feel fresher
    while you're doing it !

    Ovarily Yours
    Miss PMS
     
  2. Gillette

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  3. EnglishGentleman

    EnglishGentleman New Member

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    As any other guy who's gone into the supermarket and bought "feminine hygiene products" for a lady may say.....

    For god's sake just make them look like boxes of cereal, or even better.... tools, bike parts or computer peripherals! Hell do them in giant 5 year supply boxes - they sell everything in Walmart these days, they could disguise them as TV's!!! ANYTHING but bright packaging or names ending in "X"!!!!!!!!!

    (This Message was brought to you by the
    "Nice-Guys-Get-Better-Blowjobs-But-They-Have-To-Work-For-Them" Foundation)
     
  4. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    What to do if your maxipad catches fire:

    Throw it on the ground and tampon it.
     
  5. jakeatolla

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    Why Pecker , I do believe that joke is older than you......
     
  6. windtalkerways

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    I love the fact that even a joke can
    generate little mini-discussions! :tongue:
     
  7. Wilde316

    Wilde316 Member

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    I dont see how buying them is a big deal, its like buying bras and panties, most of the time they probably wont be for you so its a good thing.
    I know that I've never bought any of those items for myself. lol at least as far as I can remember
     
  8. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    I designed some machinery to make you-know-what at Tambrands (different company than the Kotex people, but the same product) a few years back. But they never let me inside R&D. A woman would come out of The Door and say to the design staff, hey guys, if we had a machine which took the cotten and did this, and took the string and did that, well, it might be useful. Then she'd go back to doing whatever it was they did in R&D, and we'd design a machine to do what she'd asked for, and a few months later the women in R&D would tell us if it worked or not. We never asked how they could tell if it worked or not, we figured it was best to go with the honor system.

    There were packages of competitor's products all over the place, on the desks and filing cabinets, everywhere. Some were in these damn cheerful colors like candy wrappers. The women in Engineering seemed to like those. The men were mystified, figuring the package should be white or surgical green, or maybe camo. But we knew that we had nothing to say about it.

    Maybe the weirdest place I ever worked at.
     
  9. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    the pain behind your eyes
    Clearly that "tips for living" advice was not written by someone with 1sthand knowledge of female hygenic situations.

    All I can say is, I wouldn't want to be left alone in a room with the women who share the experiences.
     
  10. windtalkerways

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    Big-that is soooo funny...so top secret!:tongue:
    White would be fine with me....:rolleyes:
     
  11. windtalkerways

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    Hahahaha...c'mon now, Chuck...surely we
    don't seem that bad! :wink:
     
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