LGBTA/GSA etc...at schools

[D_Ironside Lilydew]

I came out less than a year ago, and last semester here at school (I'm currently a sophomore in college) I had a pretty rough time internally with emotions/thoughts, all the usually stuff, lol.

The thing is, is that I don't have hardly any gay friends in real life and feel like it'd be a lot easier if I had some gay friends around here to just to hang around with and be completely myself.

I guess one part of this question is how do some of you guys meet other gay guys to hang out with, I'm not talking about hooking up, just hanging out..not even as boyfriends.

We have an LGBTA here at my school and I went to two of the meetings the beginning of last semester and I never went again. I'm a really outgoing and friendly person, but I felt like everyone there already knew each other and they were all really "cliquey". And for the most part the people there, and the things they discussed were all about "I'm gay so my life sucks and nobody understands me...etc....", and that's not me at ALL!!

Anybody have experiences with LGBTAs or anything like that or any advice??

Thanks!!

 

[Fiendofdopeisland]

When I came out in college, I began attending a group at the same time. Yes, they were definitely cliquey (sp?). There's no way to get around that, but I think you're going to find that in almost any group. But, people that are insecure and going through a lot may be a bit more judgmental to newcomers. I don't want to say gay people are going to be cliquey, but I've run into that a lot and not just in the group I joined.

Luckily, there are going to be people in the group you can form friendships with. Hang in there -- that's my advice. And you never know what can happen. I met my partner in the group, and here we are, more than 5 years later, still together!

Good luck though. At least you're (probably) in a more open-minded place, being at a college campus.

 

[vindicator]

My advice would be to try some online sites to meet other guys. Try guys4men.

You can go on and find people in your area and just say you're looking for friendship whatever and just want to hang out. If you do want to meet people you can and see where things go. Worked for me!

 

[OldPArtner]

Okay, if you register at The Something Awful Forums and go to FYAD (a subforum only viewable to registered members), you will find plenty of interesting gay guys there, most of whom are in college or recently graduated.
It's not a sexual or hookup forum though, I'm warning you.

 

[D_Ironside Lilydew]

I'm not sure how to go about saying this...but from my experience in Student Clubs, the people in the LGBTA seemed more cliquey than any other group I had been in.

Usually in clubs they all have a fairly prominent similar interest like science fiction books, swing music, a specific religion, etc...all of which are topics that can be quite easy to start a conversation on. At LGBTA type clubs the uniting "interest" is one's sexuality, so it seems a bit more "odd" (for a large lack of better word) to start a conversation like "Oh yeah...I think muscular frat guys in hats are really hott" as opposed to "Have you seen blah blah movie?"

For this reason, I found it a little more difficult to get people to talk to me too much.

 

[D_Ironside Lilydew]

Okay, if you register at The Something Awful Forums and go to FYAD (a subforum only viewable to registered members), you will find plenty of interesting gay guys there, most of whom are in college or recently graduated.
It's not a sexual or hookup forum though, I'm warning you.

what is FYAD? Maybe I didn't look very hard, lol

 

[xxncxx]

what is FYAD? Maybe I didn't look very hard, lol

You can't see it unless you register I think, I can't see it either. A quick google search yielded some information about it being the "cool place to hang out".

 

[SpeedoMike]

We have an LGBTA here at my school and I went to two of the meetings the beginning of last semester and I never went again.

I visited a mens support group and found it to be very enjoyable and helpful. Became a regular and developed friendships with several guys. In a different city, I visited a group and gave up after three or four visits. Try making several meetings cuz there will often be different people showing up. Expect nothing and be surprised instead of expecting great things and be disappointed.

...were all about "I'm gay so my life sucks and nobody understands me...

But you only need to meet one or two people and develop a personal friendship where you find more interesting things to talk about. Yur right; life is not all about sex and preferences as discussed by "losers". :wink1:

 

[badger2395]

I'm not sure how to go about saying this...but from my experience in Student Clubs, the people in the LGBTA seemed more cliquey than any other group I had been in.

Usually in clubs they all have a fairly prominent similar interest like science fiction books, swing music, a specific religion, etc...all of which are topics that can be quite easy to start a conversation on. At LGBTA type clubs the uniting "interest" is one's sexuality, so it seems a bit more "odd" (for a large lack of better word) to start a conversation like "Oh yeah...I think muscular frat guys in hats are really hott" as opposed to "Have you seen blah blah movie?"

For this reason, I found it a little more difficult to get people to talk to me too much.

You might check to see if there is a gay/bi men's support group, or a coming out group (good even if you are out already), and get to know people through that. Groups like this often have discussion topics so you know what everyone's going to be thinking about, and you can have a chance to discuss things that are on your mind.

While online forums (like this one) are great, having a chance to talk to people face-to-face is really important, especially in college. Hope you find a group you can relate to!

 

[BIGBULL29]

I came out less than a year ago, and last semester here at school (I'm currently a sophomore in college) I had a pretty rough time internally with emotions/thoughts, all the usually stuff, lol.

The thing is, is that I don't have hardly any gay friends in real life and feel like it'd be a lot easier if I had some gay friends around here to just to hang around with and be completely myself.

I guess one part of this question is how do some of you guys meet other gay guys to hang out with, I'm not talking about hooking up, just hanging out..not even as boyfriends.

We have an LGBTA here at my school and I went to two of the meetings the beginning of last semester and I never went again. I'm a really outgoing and friendly person, but I felt like everyone there already knew each other and they were all really "cliquey". And for the most part the people there, and the things they discussed were all about "I'm gay so my life sucks and nobody understands me...etc....", and that's not me at ALL!!

Anybody have experiences with LGBTAs or anything like that or any advice??

Thanks!!

Hi buddy.

A little advice, in my most humble opinion:

1) In your case, it's best to make "gay friends" at first, not "gay lovers". I know you have a sexual appetite, but don't try to make best friends out of your sexual partners, but rather make sexual partners out of your close friends (please be careful in your sexual experiences as you are so young). People coming together for just sex alone has nothing to do with friendship. Please know that.

2) Find men who are under 30. You are very young, so a lot of older gay men who are sincerely looking for close friendships may not be interested in you because of you tender age.

3) You need to get around "like-minded" people under 30, even if some end up not being to your taste after a one or few meeting-ups. I don't know your interests, personality type or mentality, but find someone with whom you have some sort of connection (I'm not talking about sexual compatibility, but someone with whom you share similar experiences, backgrounds, interests, sense of humor, music, etc)

One of things that I've learned in my 31 years on Earth is: Two people HAVE to be like-minded to some degree in order to establish a close romantic or platonic relationship.

Try not to isolate yourself, at any rate. Sure, you can be friends with straight people, but they'll never fully understand your sexuality. You need a close gay friend. And, please don't go to the thousands of gay hook-up sites, which are nothing more than men looking for men for sexual pleasure only (rare exceptions).

Good luck, buddy.:smile:

 

[9incharkansasdick]

OK, here is my two cents worth. First of all, it depends on the size of the university you attend, but I am sure there are more people like you on that campus than you know. I was in your shoes. I would suggest going to functions and making yourself noticed. I am sure you will find friends. I know it is hard and I'm not going to tell you otherwise. I will tell you that the hard work is worth the rewards. From your profile and pictures, you have a lot to offer friends. Hang in there and know that you can come here for advise any time.

I do suggest staying off the hook-up websites...unless all you want is sex.

 

[MH07]

I know, I know, I know, cliche, cliche, cliche, but really---does NOBODY go to Gay Bars any more???

When I was your age, in about the same boat (except I was at a religious college in a small city), the only place for gay men to go was the bar.

Honestly, though, once I found the bar, I thought it was FUN! I mean, you don't have to go to the Grandpa bar (that's where I have to go now). Find a bar near your area; you'll find lots of young guys your age. Party a little!

Also, since you are very young, let me give you a little advice: ANY new organization is going to feel "cliquey" and "insider" at first. Stick with it! Go and go again. You'll find a friend or two, and that'll get you going.

Good luck!

 

[auncut10in]

I'm not sure how to go about saying this...but from my experience in Student Clubs, the people in the LGBTA seemed more cliquey than any other group I had been in.

Usually in clubs they all have a fairly prominent similar interest like science fiction books, swing music, a specific religion, etc...all of which are topics that can be quite easy to start a conversation on. At LGBTA type clubs the uniting "interest" is one's sexuality, so it seems a bit more "odd" (for a large lack of better word) to start a conversation like "Oh yeah...I think muscular frat guys in hats are really hott" as opposed to "Have you seen blah blah movie?"

For this reason, I found it a little more difficult to get people to talk to me too much.

I totally agree with your point about clubs that have other interests rather than sexual orientation. I don't know what your area offers, but thanks to the internet, you can do a little poking around. I find gay groups that match my interests. So I have joined gay biking clubs, gay drawing groups, gay ski groups etc. I find it a good way to meet other gay guys that are not looking for a pickup and we share a common interest.

 

[D_Ironside Lilydew]

I totally agree with your point about clubs that have other interests rather than sexual orientation. I don't know what your area offers, but thanks to the internet, you can do a little poking around. I find gay groups that match my interests. So I have joined gay biking clubs, gay drawing groups, gay ski groups etc. I find it a good way to meet other gay guys that are not looking for a pickup and we share a common interest.

Yeah, the thing that sucks is that I go to Virginia Tech (in case you couldn't tell from the name, lol) and that's in Southwest Va where there isn't too much to do whether it be with gay people or not!

And I'm going to the first LGBTA meeting of the semester tommorrow evening, so hopefully it'll go well...still kinda nervous though.

 

[jnp]

Yay, another Virginia person!! AND another Southwest Virginia person....very rare. But yeah I feel for ya being at Tech with this issue...hopefully they will be more open than usual.

 

[prince_will]

they were trying that at my college but it fell through. i think it's dangerous for something like that in this country. having a gay organization in the college would only bring violence to whoever who join.

 

[Fiendofdopeisland]

Prince Will...what?

Violence is a possibility no matter where you are when you are in a minority. Hell, people still get attacked in Boystown here in Chicago, for cryin' out loud! That's part of being a strong gay person -- knowing when to say "fuck it" and accepting the possibility of being attacked for who you are. It's about living your life and being who you are. Increasing visibility is the only way people are going to accept you/us/everyone.

Now, if you're in a small, rural area, I can understand some of the fear. But, seriously -- if you want to be an openly gay person, you need to move to a larger city or town before you get too far into your 20s. Experience the rest of world and see that there's more to life than living in fear of people learning who you really are.

Good luck to you, Prince Will, and hokie-what's your name at VT.

 

[prince_will]

Prince Will...what?

Violence is a possibility no matter where you are when you are in a minority. Hell, people still get attacked in Boystown here in Chicago, for cryin' out loud! That's part of being a strong gay person -- knowing when to say "fuck it" and accepting the possibility of being attacked for who you are. It's about living your life and being who you are. Increasing visibility is the only way people are going to accept you/us/everyone.

Now, if you're in a small, rural area, I can understand some of the fear. But, seriously -- if you want to be an openly gay person, you need to move to a larger city or town before you get too far into your 20s. Experience the rest of world and see that there's more to life than living in fear of people learning who you really are.

Good luck to you, Prince Will, and hokie-what's your name at VT.

It's not me who's reluctant to join. I classify myself as bi anyways, but honestly, the island i live on (New Providence, The Bahamas) having a gay organization would just allow people to learn who they should attack. it's a real hostile enviroment.

Christianity is the highest power of the land, and the "Christian Council" is like Big Brother. Don't get me wrong, i love it here and my country, but being gay here is like suicide. for me, i don't need to join a club to know that i'm a bi man, and i don't have to join a club because of my sexuality.
There is a Rainbow Alliance in the nation, but they are largely ignored. Homosexuality is done in secret.

i know i may sound like i'm anti-gay or saying that gay people shouldn't have clubs, i'm saying that it is a bad idea for the college.

 

[THEDUDER]

they were trying that at my college but it fell through. i think it's dangerous for something like that in this country. having a gay organization in the college would only bring violence to whoever who join.

there were several gay and lesbian support groups at my college and that was in south carolina.

 

[D_Ironside Lilydew]

Well....I went to the meeting and it actually turned out really well!!

There were a LOT more people there than I was expecting, or had seen there before (there were about 30 or 40 people). It seemed like a largely different group of people there that I had seen before, and that was kinda nice.