Libido Highs And Lows

shamrockfaced

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Over the years I've posted a few times about my girls and I's crazy sex life. We have a pattern where basically we go nonstop for about a week, and then a week where she hates me. Communicating comes to a screeching halt. It's to a point where I defer real life important conversations until the "hell week" Is over. The rest of the month is probably normal.

I'm a red blooded male with super high libido, so I don't complain about the "high" week. And we've discussed the "down" week a fair bit. She knows it's an issue. But I don't think she realizes the the magnitude of it. We communicate extremely well 3/4 of the time. But recently we've been dealing with some real life issues (family health care, parenting stuff) that I don't think we can discuss until we "pass" the bad week. I find myself re-coiling and being more distant until I sense things are better.

I am assuming this is a hormone thing. What I'm wondering is, are there solutions to even things out a bit? She's mentioned it to her doc before (I was not there) and I'm under the impression the doc kind of laughed it off to "welcome to pre-menapause".

For about 6 months I kept a calendar of days and how the moods went. I think I see the pattern (just after ovulation, about a week before the P) of when things get bad.

I love her dearly and just want to be able to communicate on a sane level all the time. I'm not talking about the random good days/bad days like we all have. I'm also not wanting the 4-5x sex per day thing on the regular either. (LOL)

Curious what thoughts you ladies might have.
 
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LaFemme

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I got really confused because you said “girls”, so I thought you were talking about your daughters at first. Then you mentioned high libido, so I realized you meant meant your significant other, but I was still thinking super young. Then you mentioned menopause! You had my brain in whiplash mode! :joy:

Ok. I think I have the scenario, now. Peri-menopause is indeed a time where hormones are fluctuating a great deal. Some women are more affected than others. Moods can really be affected, libido can get right out of control (up or down), night sweats, hot flashes, acne, lubrication issues, sleep issues, etc. It can be a nightmare for those living with us.

No doctor should ever “laugh it off”. There are several treatments available once it’s confirmed that your partner is peri-menopausal. Biodentical hormones, acupuncture, holistic treatments, diet changes, exercise, meditation, HRT, reducing alcohol intake, etc. There are a lot of good books available on what to do. Different things work for different women.

You can be supportive by remembering this is a medical condition and not her. Have the air conditioning at the ready, fans available in every room. Towels by the bed for night sweats.

Having gone through this myself, I’m not going to lie. It lasted about 12 years for me. I was fortunate the moods weren’t too bad, but I did cry a lot. Anger wasn’t my thing. But it’s deeply unpleasant. It all passes, though. It’s pretty good on the other side.
 

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I’m no doctor but it definitely sounds like hormones to me. I was a teenager when my mother was going through menopause and both of our hormone changes did not fare well for us.... we would fight all the time and often over petty things. It was horrible.

Sounds like she needs a better doctor for starters. Exercising and diet can also provide really good benefits for hormone regulation. However, I think this is just something that you both are going to have to ride out. It may be worth both of you considering counselling too... cognitive behavioural therapy is so valuable to teach you rationalisation skills when you aren’t being rational.
 

SoaringSpirit

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She should see a holistic endocrinologist. Have her blood/ saliva taken to determine hormone levels & possible treatment. I have taken biodentical hormones & it really HAS helped. No mood swings here, just mainly hot flashes. But im sure she should see a doctor that takes her seriously. It can help tremendously. Also exercise & natural supplements. Good luck & keep us posted !
 

shamrockfaced

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I got really confused because you said “girls”, so I thought you were talking about your daughters at first. Then you mentioned high libido, so I realized you meant meant your significant other, but I was still thinking super young. Then you mentioned menopause! You had my brain in whiplash mode! :joy:

Ah, darn. Sorry about that... I can see how I made that really confusing. LOL!

Ok. I think I have the scenario, now. Peri-menopause is indeed a time where hormones are fluctuating a great deal. Some women are more affected than others. Moods can really be affected, libido can get right out of control (up or down), night sweats, hot flashes, acne, lubrication issues, sleep issues, etc. It can be a nightmare for those living with us.

No doctor should ever “laugh it off”. There are several treatments available once it’s confirmed that your partner is peri-menopausal.

This is where it gets a little uncertain. She's definitely pre - menapausal... At least other than hating me and being short tempered with the fam during that time, there doesn't appear to be any of those other symptoms: hot flashes, sweats, etc. Her older sister is going through it right now (10 yr older) and definitely has those.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. I do definitely intend to ride it out. We also have some health care changing coming down the pike in the next few months and will have a new direct primary care doctor. Hopefully this will be a good opportunity to reopen some discussions.
 

LaFemme

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Ah, darn. Sorry about that... I can see how I made that really confusing. LOL!



This is where it gets a little uncertain. She's definitely pre - menapausal... At least other than hating me and being short tempered with the fam during that time, there doesn't appear to be any of those other symptoms: hot flashes, sweats, etc. Her older sister is going through it right now (10 yr older) and definitely has those.

Anyway, thanks for the advice. I do definitely intend to ride it out. We also have some health care changing coming down the pike in the next few months and will have a new direct primary care doctor. Hopefully this will be a good opportunity to reopen some discussions.
She should really pick up a couple of books on it. Reading about it can really help. We, as women, don’t have to be a slave to our biology. We can take control. The mood swings can really be damaging on relationships. It’s not fair to our family and friends. Even the libido changes. Mine went into overdrive. That can be great for some people. Or it can drop right off. Again, we don’t have to be a slave to biology.

This is all a natural transition in life and takes a long time. The hormonal changes can start long before those other physical changes start. Being in control is important. Laughing about it is important. I laughed all the time because I knew I was being bananas sometimes.