Lies My Mother Told Me

[Principessa]

When I caught mice or toads as a kid my mother told me I had to let them go before dark or their parents would be worried.

Aww that's kinda sweet though. My mom used to say the same thing about the turtles I often bought home.

 

[B_Nick8]

When I caught mice or toads as a kid my mother told me I had to let them go before dark or their parents would be worried.

I should have said snakes as well. Their parents were apparently hypervigilent. :biggrin1:

 

[EagleCowboy]

My mom would always tell us boys that "Men only want ONE thing!!"
When I caught onto it, being the inventive smartass that I am, I replied 'What? Lots of money??" Then found myself running for the door when pots and pans were being launched furiously in my direction. :biggrin1:
Mom hated that response.

 

[Hippie Hollow Girl]

I remember wanting to eat fast food a lot when I was a kid. My favorite was Dairy Queen. I remember begging my mom for a hamburger from Dairy Queen for supper. She was short on cash..... so she told me that Dairy Queen workers had gotten in trouble for not washing their hands very good. She told me that we needed to wait until they started washing their hands better. It worked.....I didn't want to eat at a place where workers didn't wash their hands very good.

Too bad that lie doesn't work with my kids. It could save me some bucks.

 

[Stephenmass]

biguy2738,

My mother still says that to me..."I hope your face doesn't freeze like that!!"....

Thanks for the laugh!

 

[WhiteZombie]

That smokin' bud would ruin my life. Of course, only out of ignorance.

 

[marleyisalegend]

My mama told me that if I work hard, give 200%, and believe in myself, that coupled with my intelligence could take me anywhere...........

 

[Axcess]

My mama told me that if I work hard, give 200%, and believe in myself, that coupled with my intelligence could take me anywhere...........

:biggrin1::biggrin1: My mom told my the same . Of course that isn't always true . So many lazy bastards that got everything in life and easily without any effort.

 

[Smooth88]

poor marley >_>

 

[gymfresh]

When I asked how babies were born, my mother (who gave me a clinically correct answer to everything else, and always used the "proper" name for things) told me that they came out of a special hole in a woman's leg. I must have looked like a right prat staring intently at the thighs of every woman at the beach and the pool wondering why I couldn't see this "hole" in her leg.

On a less funny note, my mother used to tell me that I was mentally retarded and people would always treat me with pity for it. I heard it so often that I believed it, and used to cry to sleep because I would never be "normal". Even after I scored 1500 on my SATs and became head of my fraternity, she told me that I was an "idiot savant". Still working on forgiving her.

 

[Hugh Mann]

If I ever asked my mom a question she didn't know the answer to, she would just make up an answer. I didn't realize this unti my teenage years, and discovered mountains of bullshit she had told me. One of the first things that comes to mind is that "English is the only language with definite and indefinite articles." Seriously, wtf? It's even scarier because she was a teacher, and probably taught this sort of crap to many unsuspecting kids.

 

[EagleCowboy]

When I was a little kid, I wanted to know what caused the wind to blow, so I asked my dad. He replied, "Trees sneezing".

 

[oscar]

I remember once when I was 10, my mother and I were driving by a strip club (Tampa has lots of em...) and I asked her what the word "nude" meant. [lol, it was kind of mean because I already knew what it meant, I just wanted to see what she would say]

She responded by pointing at the sign of the outline of a girl laying on her back, and said that "nude" meant a type of haircut. It was a place women went to get their hair done.

I smirked to myself and did my best from bursting out loud...

 

[cockoloco]

I remember once when I was 10, my mother and I were driving by a strip club (Tampa has lots of em...) and I asked her what the word "nude" meant. [lol, it was kind of mean because I already knew what it meant, I just wanted to see what she would say]

She responded by pointing at the sign of the outline of a girl laying on her back, and said that "nude" meant a type of haircut. It was a place women went to get their hair done.

I smirked to myself and did my best from bursting out loud...

:slaphappy: hahaha! Who would have thought!?

 

[9inchcanadian]

I was told if i played with my belly button my bum would fall off.
I did.
It didn't.
She lied!!!!!!

 

[inkubus963]

I'm proud to say that my parents rarely lied to me - even 'white' lies. I try to carry on the tradition. I find myself saying 'just because' sometimes and I have to back pedal and find a suitable explanation.

We had the tooth fairy and Santa, but we knew from an early age it was dad and mum - in that order; Dad was the tooth fairy, Mum was Santa. The tooth fairy used to leave us these letters all about how 'she' made chairs and things from our teeth and all the tooth related things 'she' had been doing. We knew it was him because it was his writing but I loved getting those letters - I still have some of them :smile: And of course mum was Santa because it was her writing on the name labels and Dad was always out late on Christmas eve.

I do remember asking my mother (before I was able to recognise her writing) why Santa got some kids in my class realy cool expensive presents and why we got not quite as expensive stuff (especially seeing as I knew I had not been as naughty as Tara McCormick that year and she had gotten a Barbie Priness castle!!). She told me that Santa only gave presents to the really poor children around the world whose parents couldn't afford presents - people like us and the other children I knew had enough money so the parents paid Santa for the presents so he could use his own money to get more stuff for the genuinely poor children, and she and Dad didn't have as much spare money to spend on presents. She wasn't prepared to shatter the illusion of Santa for us, but she didn't want to outright lie about where our presents came from.

I really liked that one, MB, thanks! The white lie we were told wasn't quite as pleasant. We were told that if we were awake when Santa, the Tooth Fairy, or the Easter Bunny came, they would sprinkle pepper in our eyes and not leave presents/money/candy! To this day, sometimes on hoiliday eves if I wake up before morning I feel apprehensive...

 

[sdbg]

What lies did your parents tell you that you later found out weren't true?

That smoking marijuana leads to hard drugs. I know way too many stoners who never touch hard drugs.

 

[mjcp]

When my grandmother was 15 or so, she lied about her age so she could get a secretarial job. When she reached 65, she said she was younger so she wouldn't be mandatorially retired. At age 6 I overheard her telling the story, but since she didn't want to say in front of me that she had lied, she said that she had had her age "legally changed."
Some ten years later my friends and I were having a conversation about fake IDs. I ask "Why don't you just have your age legally changed?" Still trying to live that one down. Thanks Grandma!

 

[Rockmannerman]

She lied about where I came from. Not the stork thing, but where I was born. I was born in England, but my family moved here when I was about 1 and a half. When I got a little older I asked her why she didn't sound like the rest of the parents. (She had a thick British accent) She told me that I was from New York (Sorry New Yorkers) and that's how they talked. I now know I was born around Liverpool...

 

[reecho]

Calling roast parsnips big chips.

Bloody evil thing to do.