I think that first quote about pain is powerful. I have never been exposed to it before. Thank you for sharing.
I don't think people here have so much a problem with death. Grief is a result of loss. Children grieve, so to speak, when they lose toys and other mementoes. It is the loss that brings about the overbearing sense of pain. Death is not a part of life, it is the end of life and to that extent it stands firmly alone. The loss of memories, voices, mental pictures - those are the things that are almost unbearable. You may hear something or see something and then a memory is triggered and suddenly everything collapses.
As I said the memory is the greatest deciever; I was blind to many things whilst my mother, and grandmother, were both alive. I now see them for who they were; great people, but none-the-less I must fight off the "urge" to remember them in a perfect light. They were human; just as much as I.
Furthermore I cannot speak for others in the sense that grieving is psychologically healthy, and for some, neccessary; I simply view it as a waste of time, but all things aside however you choose to spend your time is obviously not a waste. Speaking of which death is a part of life; it's what makes your child worthwhile and what makes the "memories" you speak of so dear; the unconscious knowledge that a person will leave us gives that bittersweet taste to our emotions and memories; it's what makes our tears all the more genuine as long before you ever cried them you knew you would have to. Without death life loses sanctity, and eventually it loses meaning. We
live because we know we will
die. Otherwise laying under the sun endlessly enjoying the days and doing nothing but eating, sleeping, fucking, and whatever else would be the goal. Why bother striving to make a memory if you're guarenteed never to die? Tis a waste. While it's a hated prhase, one which many people are blindly disagreeing with, we live to die. All of your activities, up till now, have they not been to ensure some kind of pleasure or feeling, some memory whether just for you or not? You too are aware of your ability to impact life, and once old enough to reflect you want to remember yourself as you wish yourself to be, but of course if you truly remember yourself as you were you may be appauled; that goes for anyone however and isn't a judgement on someone I do not know.
You are right the dead are the dead but only in flesh. In spirit and soulfully, loved ones will always live on for some of us. Admittedly some deal with grief better, some ignore it and some just get over it all and move on. That is fine, but for those of us who do still grieve after years it is the loss that bites.
Of course it hurts; thus the construct. The dead are dead, and whether
In the Spirit or in the Soul you can't contact them. They become figments of your imagination as far as this world is concerned; you're the only one who "feels" these beings, you and perhaps your family collective. We call things like that
DELUSIONS. Of course that's rather harsh on my part; my insensitivity is quite uncalled for. I act as if I am immune to human heartache but as I said, two years ago, a wreck. Twas the decision to simply stop clining to such ideas that made life easier.
Memory is not, as far as I'm concerned, a waste of time. The posts on this thread prove that memory is comforting. That is anything but wasteful, it helps us to convalesce.
Fair enough, but what good is comfort when it impedes the goal? Grieving is meant to end; if you're keeping it alive with your memory all you're doing is killing time and stifling the process. That's up to you though; again for some it can take, literally, decades and beyond.
Death does not overpower. Grief does. My gran is not a corpse since her flesh is dead. I do not stand a her grave and weep for her. That does not work for me. But every now and then, as I said, everything collapses.
Death is powerful. It draws these things out of you; listen to yourself denying it's power when it's the cause of your plight. Why do you grieve? Did you grieve like this when you lost the game, or got less than expected in some field? Could you not hold it together? What makes those things different; after all it is you who attributed all of this to the
Child, grieving for a toy. Perhaps it was a mistake on your part, but if you can make that correlation ( assuming the toy cannot or will not be replaced ) then I see less and less reason to find that Death, the ultimate loss, has no power.
If Grief was so powerful you'd be bound to it forever in all aspects; you'd grieve things you look back and smile on, and you'd regret things you have come to understand. It is death, and death alone, that stands out of this crowd; for even in the Loss of Time no such force has been known to constrain to the point of suffocation like Death.
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
What good is a memory if you're condemned to a hospital bed? I'd prefer health with no wound and memories lost to a memory and the incapcitation it brings. Wouldn't you?
