Life is over as I know it...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by D_Sawyer Wiener, Sep 29, 2009.

  1. D_Sawyer Wiener

    D_Sawyer Wiener Account Disabled

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    Well... I told my mom last night that I might be gay...

    In short it didn't go well... at all... she got all upset and was hollering at me... I feel like a huge disappointment to my family, friends and everyone I know. My parents are... exTREMEly religious... my mom was scolding me telling me "This isn't the way God wants you to live your life" and my mom wants me to go to counseling at a religious place... in essence she wants me to go to straight camp... My mother was crying last night and she was telling me "What if I told you I was gay? How would you feel about that?" I told her... "I wouldn't think any differently of you" and she got even more upset about that ranting saying things like "Do you really think male parts go together?"... My mom is convinced that this is a "choice I'm making"... if it was a choice, I would choose the other side of the line... so last night she was yelling at me and didn't say it but the way she was acting it was very strongly implied that she hates me and that I disappointed her... so I went to a friends house (he's gay) and had a drink and about 3 shots... My mom called me again at about 11pm and told me she told my dad... she knew I was drinking and told me not to come home (cause obviously driving drunk is stupid for anyone). So I guess she cares a little bit... but anyway back to the situation at hand. I broke down and cried for a good 2 hours last night... I have an incredibly strong feeling of worthlessness right now... I came home just shy of 6am this morning and have been laying in bed since... my mom yelled at me through my door and thats about all she said to me today... I haven't even faced my dad... I'm more afraid of that right now than anything else... I don't have any energy to get out of bed, to talk to anyone, or to do anything. I don't even know what I hope to gain out of posting this... I just.... I don't know anymore...
     
  2. D_Rod Staffinbone

    D_Rod Staffinbone Account Disabled

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    there is a time to break away from parents who hold you down.
    move out of the house. get counseling on how to deal with parents
    who cannot accept you the way you are. there is nothing wrong with you.
    don't beat yourself up for being honest. try to get to washington, d.c. on october 10-11
    for the equality march. you will meet friends there.
    it may not be easy on them either but sounds like they, or at least your mom,
    might also need some therapy to get through it.
     
  3. crescendo69

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    Try to be calm. There are many threads on here about "coming out" to family and friends. I hope your parents don't kick you out, but you may need some help from friends if they do. Assuming you are eighteen, you don't have to attend a straight camp against your will.

    Some of these threads may help:
    http://www.lpsg.org/search.php?searchid=7708300
     
    #3 crescendo69, Sep 29, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2009
  4. kelley1365

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    This may mean very little from someone who is married, and has kept his bi- side closeted his entire life. But you have to be true to who you are. It's sad that given the choice you say you would prefer "the other side of the line". Our society has certainly "done a number" on us all, keeping us striving to be something we're not. You should embrace your identity, sexual and otherwise and choose to be honest and loving, and hopefully find people who can also be honest and loving with you, male or female. As a parent, I could not, no matter what, turn my back on my child, regardless, and my best guess is that neither will yours, once the initial shock has worn off. You've been very brave, and though you may not now, should also be very proud of yourself. These things will take time, but you will come through this, more likely than not, with your relationships in tact. Just stay the course, and listen to your heart.
     
  5. Stephenmass

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    With some parents, it simply takes them time to adjust to what they may have thought was a straight son coming out as gay. Give them time. They will come around.
     
  6. D_Sawyer Wiener

    D_Sawyer Wiener Account Disabled

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    I'm 19 years old... I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt, uselessness, a wasted life... I am diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar as well (just a little tidbit so you folks dont think i'm goin suicidal)
     
  7. D_Percival Puddleford Pukehorn

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  8. Stephenmass

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    Andy,

    Aside from the coming out issue, based on what you just said here, you may want to seek help. No shame whatsoever in doing so either. At least you recognize the problem. Maybe, just maybe, once all the dust settles you can calm down hopefully and begin to put it all back together. Wishing the best for you. Don't just do nothing, do something!
     
  9. D_Sawyer Wiener

    D_Sawyer Wiener Account Disabled

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    At least I have some support
     
  10. digdugm2000

    digdugm2000 Active Member

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    Move to Minneapolis and join lots of other happy well adjusted guys and girls that have been thru what you are going thru. We have a huge gay community that would welcome and support you. You can get thru this.
     
  11. D_Sawyer Wiener

    D_Sawyer Wiener Account Disabled

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    I would if I had my own car... seriously I would
     
  12. jumbo747jet

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    You'll always have support from us here at LPSG.

    I understand how you'd be very upset about your mother's reactions but I suggest you allow her some time to process this new news about you and I hope she will realise that it's not the big issue she intitially might have thought it was.

    Keep in mind that the reason she's upset may be that she's disappointed from her own very selfish point of possibly not becoming a grandmother and so on. Most likely she's got some sort of mental image of what's in store for you in life, and that mental plan of hers will now have to be altered in some regards.

    You're always going to be their son though and I'd be surprised if this news changed their love for you as their son.

    Religion is about love, not hate, so please hang in there while they are coming to terms with something which you yourself probably have taken a long time to process.
     
  13. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    You are not alone in this man, it maybe seems like it is, but you aren't. If you can't coundt on your parents at the moment, try to count on someone else, a friend or other relative that you trust.
    Good luck, life sucks at moments, it really does... But there are positive sides too.
     
  14. joeweekend

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    There's a goal for you! Good luck. You'll be fine. This too shall pass.
     
  15. Countryguy63

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    Hi Andy,

    There is a slight chance that your parents may hold onto their the prejudices, but the major majority do not. Yes, right now they are shocked, and maybe evn disappointed based on their unfounded beliefs and fears.

    It's extremely difficult, I know, but for now you need to stay strong and calm. If yelling is how they vent, then let them so they can get through this intial phase and hopefully move on to rational discussions.

    In the meantime, you do need to get some help. You didn't mention if you have a job (healthcare), but if not, is there a clinic around you? Try searching for GLBT sources near you. Maybe your friend can help.

    You are free to tell me to stop preaching :wink:, but right now, given your situation and what you have disclosed, alcohol may be something you want to avoid for a while.

    Good Luck and please keep communicating with us. :smile:
     
  16. D_Sawyer Wiener

    D_Sawyer Wiener Account Disabled

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    I have a part time job and school full time... no GLBT sources here... I searched
     
  17. teutonicos

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    Hi Andy,it´s your life and you have to live it as good as you can,for yourself.-It´s not you who has to change,it´s the attitude of the others which they have to change.
    Good luck !!
     
  18. Hippie Hollow Girl

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    Andy,

    I am sorry this is happening to you. But I think it is better that you are coming out to them now then waiting until later. I imagine that they need to go through a grieving process. Parents always have hopes and dreams for their children and sometimes when there is a kink in their plans they are not happy about it. They are probably blaming their self and asking their self "Where did I go wrong.....or What did I do wrong?" Or at least that is how it has always been in my family, if I ever did anything to displease my mother. I have 2 young children myself and I promise you, I don't think there is anything that they could do or be that would cause me to not love them. Your mom will come around, I promise you. It might take a while but she will realize that you are the same sweet boy that she has always loved and cherished.

    Some guys don't even handle coming to terms with their sexuality very well. Some guys try to commit suicide. I am sure your parents would rather have you here on earth with them happy, then not be with them at all (6 feet under). That is how I feel.

    Give them some time. Let us know how it goes.
     
  19. earllogjam

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    Kudos to you to work up the courage to be honest with your mom. Regardless of how you might feel that the world has turned upside down doesn't it feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders?

    I think the best thing you can do right now is to talk with supportive people and not dwell and ruminate on this by yourself. Nothing is wrong with you. You'll be OK. Sounds like you have a good gay friend that can be a welcoming ear, and don't forget all us here at LSPG. I most likely think your mom will come around acknowledge your homosexuality - she has no choice. It may take a bit longer for her to accept it however.

    There are many of us who have been through what you are going through now, so don't feel alone or isolated. Chin up 090, this too shall pass and you'll look back and discover that you loved and trusted your parents enough to be honest with them and not be ashamed of who you are.

    Positive energy your way. Big hug to you.
     
  20. MovingForward

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    Andy,

    I am so proud you came out. Your strength and courage will definately help others. I can tell you from my own experience that it's a process. I came out 10 years ago and it took 5 years for my mom to accept it, and my father still hasnt. One thing that has not changed is their love for me. My dad and I just agree to disagree. He told me plain and simple that he would never accept me being gay, but then he was the first one to try to give me relationship advice when I had a crappy boyfriend, and told me to find someone else.

    Have you talked to your dad yet? Maybe just the two of you?
     
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