Life is over as I know it...

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

Well... I finally sucked up my depression enough to actually get out of bed and go downstairs (where my dad is 99.9% of the time). He didn't say anything... I went and grabbed the mail and brought it to him and he asked in his normal kinda perky voice "Whaddya want for dinner tonight? I saw a casserole in this magazine that looked good." so he showed it to me and we agreed to have that tonight. He made a list and off I went to the grocery store... I came back and made myself lunch (first meal in about 24 hours) and as I was doing it he said "You need to focus on school and your career... this is the only time you're gonna have health insurance and (some other stuff I've been blacking out lately) don't worry about the other stuff" and thats it... he had a stern tone in his voice but he was a lot nicer than my mom was last night. I went next door and my mom asked "Did your father talk to you?" And I said "A little bit" she asked "did he help you?" and I said "not really (and regurgitated the conversation he and I had)" and then she said "well I don't want to talk about it" and I said "Well then we're on the same page about it" and thats it... they're a bit nicer than they were last night... but I can tell there is a lot of awkward tension between my parents and I... I know that things aren't normal now... nor will they return to being normal... its just... really hard to deal with...

 

[dolfette]

sounds like your dad is actually pretty cool.
he loves you and he just wants you to put your energy into making a decent future for yourself.

you mother?
she's being a hag, but give her some time to grieve. she's had daydreams about your wedding since you were born, she's been imagining grandchildren since you hit high school. and now all those dreams are dying.
and she's angry at herself, wondering what she did wrong. because that's what we moms do...we get angry at ourselves and yell at you.
so give her time.
she might come round.

and if she doesn't, you've got your dad. he's standing by you. hang onto that.

 

[deleted213967]

As much as I'd like to bash America's misguided religiosity for your pain, I know that your situation is not unique to the US. Even in Western Europe, where religion is often only a distant backdrop, parents get upset about their sons "disappointing" them.

Let's face it, from age 3, we know that Cinderella doesn't fall in love with Snow White.

As for moving out, I don't know whether you can afford it or not. My advice is to avoid antagonizing your mom and dad until the storm passes.

Perhaps you could try to express your regrets that they can't love you for what you are and stay with your friend for a while, without moving out of the house yet (unless you want it and can afford it).

You're a very handsome lad and are obviously a good person too so I am sure you'll find love and solace in no time.

 

[DaveyR]

It's a good sign Andy that things are cooling down so quickly. It does sound too that your Father is already coming to terms with things. Having one of them on side is a great starting point.

I really think that given time you will see a whole new supportive side of your parents.

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

I'm still feeling sick to my stomach... I am trying to act normal and like nothing happened... but I sense the tension and just want to disappear... For me... it seems that my life is becoming one regret after the next...

 

[Countryguy63]

((((Andy))))

That sick feeling will go away in time. Like others have said, it sounds like your Dad is going to be cool with this. He's right, you have some important decisions to make in your future. He's just hoping that you don't let this blurr your vision.

Hang in there. There should be at least a littl bit of a feeling of relief along with your anxieties. You don't have to hide who you are from them anymore.

Congratulations on that part :biggrin1:

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

@CountryGuy: but I still do have to hide it from them... they still want to think that I'm just "stressed and confused" and they don't want to talk about it (niether do I)... but them just trying to ignore it isn't gonna make my problem go away or make me suddenly turn straight

 

[Rugbypup]

Well... I told my mom last night that I might be gay...

In short it didn't go well... at all... she got all upset and was hollering at me... I feel like a huge disappointment to my family, friends and everyone I know. My parents are... exTREMEly religious... my mom was scolding me telling me "This isn't the way God wants you to live your life" and my mom wants me to go to counseling at a religious place... in essence she wants me to go to straight camp... My mother was crying last night and she was telling me "What if I told you I was gay? How would you feel about that?" I told her... "I wouldn't think any differently of you" and she got even more upset about that ranting saying things like "Do you really think male parts go together?"... My mom is convinced that this is a "choice I'm making"... if it was a choice, I would choose the other side of the line... so last night she was yelling at me and didn't say it but the way she was acting it was very strongly implied that she hates me and that I disappointed her... so I went to a friends house (he's gay) and had a drink and about 3 shots... My mom called me again at about 11pm and told me she told my dad... she knew I was drinking and told me not to come home (cause obviously driving drunk is stupid for anyone). So I guess she cares a little bit... but anyway back to the situation at hand. I broke down and cried for a good 2 hours last night... I have an incredibly strong feeling of worthlessness right now... I came home just shy of 6am this morning and have been laying in bed since... my mom yelled at me through my door and thats about all she said to me today... I haven't even faced my dad... I'm more afraid of that right now than anything else... I don't have any energy to get out of bed, to talk to anyone, or to do anything. I don't even know what I hope to gain out of posting this... I just.... I don't know anymore...

YouTube - Born GAY ? - Lets See the Facts

The only reference to homosexuality being wrong in the bible comes from Leviticus.

YouTube - Jed Bartlett Shows Us How to Respond To Scott Renfroe

Leviticus was fucking crazy!

I hope your parents will have soul and love enough to accept you for who you are, and come to understand, you are as God made you.

My thoughts and feelings are with you. :redface:

 

[rubirosa]

At least I have some support

You are correct. You have a great deal of support from alot of the people here on LPSG. It will take time for your parents to absorb what you have told them. Please always remember that they love you....they just don't UNDERSTAND what you are going through. Hopefully they will. STAY STRONG and remember we are here to HELP and to LEND AN EAR....

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

Was on the phone with my brother and he is telling me that he just thinks I'm "Confused and that this is a phase"... no one in my family wants to believe that this is who I am... this is me... they think i'm going to "mature" and my feelings will change

 

[Munely]

I'm really sorry man.. I know it must be really hard for you right now but don't let anyone make you feel worthless because you're trying to be honest about who you are.

I think the problem is that they don't give you a chance to explain yourself. You are still the son that they love and you didn't change. Most likely, they've just never been exposed to gays before (close people) and they don't know how to react, but I'm sure if you could explain they would understand. What parent purposely wants to hurt their children? Because I think they have no idea how hard it can be to be gay, and how it can make your life so much more complicated. Who in their right mind would choose to live like that on purpose?

I wish I could do more for you, and give you more useful advice but it's hard to judge a situation like that and choose an appropriate approach to take, because there are several ways you could try to respond but it might not be the best way to proceed. Anyway, it's still very fresh, give them some time to adjust to the news and see how it goes I guess.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Your mum reacted badly, but think of it from her side for a minute, suddenly she's been told the son she loves above all else isn't quite who she thought he was, given what you say of her background it isn't what she hoped for you and she must be blaming herself in some part. She'll come round once she's got over the shock and realises you're exactly the same person you always were. Your dad had a bit more time to digest it before he spoke to you about it which might be why he reacted more reasonably.

I don't see why she would want to talk about it again, if our children are ostensibly straight we don't want to have big conversations about their sex lives, why would we want that if they were gay?

Don't judge yourself harshly, what you get up to sexually is just a tiny part of who you are, if you were a collector of comics (graphic novels for adults) you wouldn't think of yourself as being a perpetual big kid, if you occasionally pirated software you wouldn't think of yourself as a criminal, the consensual sex acts we partake in aren't really any reflection of whether we're good or bad, worthless or valuable.

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

I just don't know how to tell them that this isn't a phase and I'm not confused and that this is me. I don't want to talk about it cause it hurts to talk about it... Last night in my drunk haze I told my brother... I just don't know why my parents and my brother are being delusional and insisting that its a phase and I'll grow out of it and mature... I tried to tell my mom last night that I've felt this for about 12 years (I'm 19... I'm sure you can do the math)... I'm not going to lie, maybe I am being stubborn cause I can't see it from their angle and its difficult to fathom... I just want to be able to live life and love who I choose to love

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

Apologies for the double post but can someone message me on yahoo?? I wanna talk about this... my yahoo sn is forshow19

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

... I came back and made myself lunch (first meal in about 24 hours) and as I was doing it he said "You need to focus on school and your career... this is the only time you're gonna have health insurance and (some other stuff I've been blacking out lately) don't worry about the other stuff" and thats it... he had a stern tone in his voice but he was a lot nicer than my mom was last night.

I've had a dad and I've been a dad. For lots of dads, that translates directly from dad-speak to "I love you, son."

If my kid turned out gay, I'd be a lot more accepting than your folks have been. But if he turned into a Jesus freak or a Glenn Beck fan it'd be a lot harder for me. But I'd come around. One great thing about people coming out of the closet is that now your parents have people in their social circle who have undoubtedly dealt with this. Or, their minister has. Being gay is not the mystery it was to the straight world forty years ago.

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

I've had a dad and I've been a dad. For lots of dads, that's translates directly from dad-speak to "I love you, son."

I really hope thats true, because thats the first thing thats made me smile all day...

 

[OCMuscleJock]

To be honest ... you're having a much better time with this than some people get. It's not easy coming out, however, you'll look back at it and realize it's one of the best things you've ever done for yourself. So many people live in fear of what others think. I've had people say...God didn't want this for you. My response was...well God made me and being gay isn't a choice. So you're saying God makes mistakes? Seriously, who chooses to make their lives harder?

Your parents may not like it...but at least they are accepting it and will accept it more in the future. Many people do not get the chance to even stay at home once they come out to their parents. Many of my friends were kicked out and disowned. You're actually very lucky, considering your parent's religious beliefs. Do not beat yourself up about this...you're at least being honest with yourself and in the long run, you are the one that matters. It's your life...your happiness. Be true to yourself and eventually things will work themselves out.

This past weekend was the big coming out for me to my highschool friends at my reunion. I took my partner to my reunion and I was scared shitless...being from a small town in KY where being gay is VERY taboo. Suprisingly enough, another of my HS friends was there...and was coming out to all his HS friends too. It turned out to be an awesome night...no one judged, *at least to my face, probably in fear that I'd squish them* hahaha and everyone was cool and very nice to my partner and made him feel like he belonged there. I was VERY happy.

So, again...the rough part is over...now the healing can begin and your parents and family will realize that you are the same person they've always loved and cared for. Best wishes and congrats!! *hug*

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

@OCMuscleJock the only thing that is tough to deal with is being in the same room with my family, and the fact that they're denying it to themselves... I've never ever been one of those "float around the room, talk with a lisp and comment on a girls outfit" types of guys... I just act like me...

 

[OCMuscleJock]

@OCMuscleJock the only thing that is tough to deal with is being in the same room with my family, and the fact that they're denying it to themselves... I've never ever been one of those "float around the room, talk with a lisp and comment on a girls outfit" types of guys... I just act like me...

thats good...it's just gonna take some time for them. I know you didn't want to disappoint anyone or hurt anyone...but I was just saying they will deal with it in their own way and own time. I'm proud of you.

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

thats good...it's just gonna take some time for them. I know you didn't want to disappoint anyone or hurt anyone...but I was just saying they will deal with it in their own way and own time. I'm proud of you.

Andy, I'm proud of you, too. I'm a guy in his 50s with a son in his teens. It was hard being a young person "back in the day," but it's even harder now.

Being true to yourself and your soul always pays off, I believe. Doesn't mean that you can't hit a speedbump or two, but it's an investment in being the man you want to be your whole life.