Life is over as I know it...

[D_dtgt65rg]

I'm 19 years old... I have an overwhelming feeling of guilt, uselessness, a wasted life... I am diagnosed with anxiety and bipolar as well (just a little tidbit so you folks dont think i'm goin suicidal)

Hey man...as a guy who had major mood swings and pretty much convinced himself he was bipolar, it all contributes to coming out. From experience, I began embracing myself more often after coming out. Though my parents did not scream and shout, as most, if not all of us, we experience self deprecating and angry feelings. I reside in DC, so if you're able to come down for the march, you will meet many people, maybe me too.

I think overall, you do need to stay focused and strong. Unfortunately, your mother's yelling and screaming is focused less at you and more at herself and her religious faith. Yes, I, too grew up in a religious household. Religious defines life and meaning. It explains all things in the world, including death. For your mother, this trend, experience, issue, whatever you call it does not have any substantial references in the Bible, except in negative connotations. What I mean is that she cannot explain what she does not understand. You will need support, here or physically, with your friend. For parents, they understand gay or straight as a decision. As a gay man, it is another facet of life, my character, etc, but nothing more. As a 25 yr old man, 19 does not seem like a life time ago, but at 19, disappointing the life blood of you, your parents, is the worst feeling in the world.

Cry some more, scream, yell, hate yourself, etc, if you need, but afterwards, stop, breathe, stop thinking about how you disappointed your parents, and begin thinking about how you want to proceed in life with your parents. Will it take some time, yes. Will the road improve, yes, but not without you doubting yourself and feeling self pity. It will happen. You will fall a few times and say the road's too hard. You will throw your arms up in the air and multiple feelings will affect you. in the end, keep moving. Don't drink yourself into self pity or anger, don't hate your parents or anyone else, especially yourself. Keep your faith in self and God (you were raised in Christian). Take a step forward. Shower. rinse yourself off and keep moving.

If you feel comfortable, sit down with your mother. You will cry and she will cry. she will yell more and tell you what the Bible says, etc. Ask her, what does she really think about you, honestly. Independent of the Bible, does she hate you or love you? It is a very important question regardless of whether or not she agrees with your sexuality. The same question you will need to ask your father. All I know is that I told my father first. Hardest thing ever since we did not have the best relationship, but here I am.

We're all here for you....SERIOUSLY!

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Andy, I feel sad that you're having hard time. It's obvious that you are a beautiful, loving and open guy. No one, not you parents, not your extended family, not anyone can take that away from you. Your awareness of who you are is a gift even though at this point it's very hard for you and for your parents. As time goes bye, your parents will come around but more importantly, you will mature and begin to love yourself the way you need to be loved. The most important thing is that you are ok, good and valuable just the way you are. You are being your own true self.

I wish you all the best in the future days, and will keep you in my thoughts.

 

[DavidXL]

"This may mean very little from someone who is married, and has kept his bi- side closeted his entire life. But you have to be true to who you are. It's sad that given the choice you say you would prefer "the other side of the line". Our society has certainly "done a number" on us all, keeping us striving to be something we're not. You should embrace your identity, sexual and otherwise and choose to be honest and loving, and hopefully find people who can also be honest and loving with you, male or female. As a parent, I could not, no matter what, turn my back on my child, regardless, and my best guess is that neither will yours, once the initial shock has worn off. You've been very brave, and though you may not now, should also be very proud of yourself. These things will take time, but you will come through this, more likely than not, with your relationships in tact. Just stay the course, and listen to your heart. "

I liked what Kelley1365 wrote and could have written it myself.

Congratulations! Now you can start living your life as you were meant to live it. Good luck!

 

[invisibleman]

Well, Andy, I came out to my parents. It didn't go so well either. It took my mom three months and with my father a year. My dad has his own coming out issues.

My mom EVEN thought that I didn't want to be a man anymore because in her eyes gay men were those guys that were dissatisfied with their cocks. I told her that I didn't want to be a woman. I LOVE my dick. And when I become dissatisfied with my gender I would let her know.

My dad he looks at a lot of hot men and I bust him all the time doing so. I have had plenty of hot looking boyfriends since my coming out. And my arguments with him wasn't solely about me being gay. It was his envy over me having a hot boyfriend and him not able to have a boyfriend THAT was the fact. (And he nowadays, he says "GURLFRIEND" more than those beyotches in drag at the club. He REALLY couldn't get away with that in the eighties.)

You aren't selfish. You are just letting her know who you are and what you are all about. Yeah, she will be disappointed. Over time, she will come around. If not, over some more time, she will come around.

I hope that you don't get into the habit of doing more alcohol or get into doing street drugs. That will not solve your problems. You can handle your problems without any of that. It is okay to feel confused and hurt. Allow your Mom to vent but let her know that you understand how she feels but her feelings aren't your feelings. And trust me women (and men) will keep on yelling and arguing their point...but you will still be that gay guy after all that. She can either handle you as a gay son or she doesn't have to.

 

[funguy44]

I have a part time job and school full time... no GLBT sources here... I searched

Have you looked for a PFLAG chapter near you? PFLAG: Parents, Families, & Friends of Lesbians and Gays is their site. They will be able to help you.

 

[beachbum1971]

'What does not kill you makes you stronger.' You will get through this and you should be proud of yourself for being honest and not trying to be someone you are not. This is your life. Yours! You only go around once. Choose happiness. I hope that your parents can come to terms with your news. I have a feeling that once the shock dies down they will. Keep our head held high. Count your blessings. It will get easier!

 

[ruffboy]

good lord guy, hang tough and know there are a LOT of people out there who do love you for who YOU are, what happens with genetalia not having a fuckin thing to do with anything.

i love you and i don't even know you, you're obviously a good regular guy just tryin to find his way in life and i know it will all grow better as you move forward.

we'll pray for your family to see the light at some point and dispense with their evil, hateful thoughts, embracing fully what love really is.

 

[plumbr]

As a gay person, I've known I was gay since I was a little boy. For a period of 10 years I've just told myself that I'll get a wife and have kids like everyone else. But I fell right into depression all these years because as the years came along, I realize I was lying to myself. I've been lying to myself for over 10 years. How can I think of a wife and kids when I never ever can look at straight porn, never. All I did was visualize guys, men, and a future passionate lover, who are all MEN. I began to accept my sexuality, because this is part of me. I'm born this way and if there are those who want to make me guilty or my life a living hell for being gay, then they will feel my wrath.

I'm sick and tired of being suppressed just because of I like men. I've met with many people from many different paths of life and you know what I realize about them, the gay ones aren't different from the straight ones, yet we are persecuted and murdered just because we want to love another man. I'm not trying to raise an army here. I just want you to think about yourself truly. Were you always gay, a lover of men? There are no such things as confused, just denial.

By the basis of what you typed, it feels as if your mother runs your life, many aspects if not all. I think you need to start gaining your freedom back, as a back-up. You're father mentioned your health insurance will end. In the grand scope of things, I think he was hinting something NOT about the health insurance. I interpret it as go and achieve what you can and the independence of leaving the household anytime. He is saying it in a good way because he'll support you up that point. Again, this is my interpretation. Start gaining your independence, regardless whether your family is willing to emotionally support you or not.

I can't explain how your family works because each family is unique. But there is one thing in common is that we're all human and we all make mistakes. Your parents could be mad at you for being gay for the most silliest of reasons. No matter how silly the reasons are, you need to learn to look over that, as do all gay men, and start placing their words, advice, insults, comments as opinions and not commandments. It's time you have thought for yourself, what you want, and how you're going to achieve it, ALONE.

Depression is a long term battle. It took many tolls of my life and if I have ever have the choice again, I would not live the very same life ever again. However, I've learned that the past is the past, we must drop it. I will state that depression will get to you. It will burn and plunder your mind to nothing. On the best of days, you will probably not think of the things that are happening. But on the worst of days, you will probably feel as if there is no willpower, no hope, nothing. Don't let these things get to you. You must live, that's it. Death is not an option, especially for someone like you with so much potential in life. Outlive your enemies. If you love men, it is not a sin. YOU HAVE POTENTIAL. Find your willpower by thinking about yourself, what you want, and how you're going to achieve, ALONE.

 

[B_Mister Buildington]

There are certain things that I will NEVER tell my catholic mother, for both of our sakes. I sort of feel like maybe you should have found someone else to confide in over this.

Then again, maybe you and your mom are closer than me and mine.

Sorry if I seem insensitive. Best of luck.

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

*Sigh* Insomnia again tonight... I have class in 4 hours... I have 3, 3 hour long classes today... I'm not gonna make it... But I guess I have to try... this night has been just a huge swing of highs and lows... sometimes my mood is slightly elevated and I feel okay... and then it sinks back down and I feel worse than before... Right now... I guess I'm neutral... either that or my mind is done beating the shit out of itself and I'm just numb... Either way... I guess I'd rather be numb than depressed...

 

[D_Ivana Dickenside]

andy,
i'm very sorry to hear about how your parents took the news. i hope in time they will come around and realize that you are still their son no matter what. if your mother is as religious as you say, then she shouldn't judge you for being who you are, and no straight camp is going to change that either. your mother and your father love you unconditionally. be strong and do your best to hold it together. we at lpsg know that you will get through this rough patch.

 

[jumbo747jet]

Hang in there, buddy.

Like you said yourself earlier, you have thought about this for many years and it's only fair to allow your family some time to come to terms with it too.
It's been less than 48 hours since you told your mother. Give it time.

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

Hang in there, buddy.

Like you said yourself earlier, you have thought about this for many years and it's only fair to allow your family some time to come to terms with it too.
It's been less than 48 hours since you told your mother. Give it time.

I'm just hoping that I'm not the only person who felt like their whole world is crashing down around them... that they are running it into the ground...

 

[jumbo747jet]

Again, I believe that time is the answer to your question.

I have a strong feeling that you'll be able to look back upon this time of your life and scratch your head wondering what the big deal was all about.
Of course you're not there yet, but like I said earlier, it's been less than 48 hours, so give it some time

 

[tabot]

Hang in there Buddy!!!

When I came out to my parents, it took my mother almost 3 years to accept it, but now she is my best friend!!

Thinking of you!!

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

I really just want to say thank you to everyone who has given me all the support that I really don't deserve... It's nice to know that people in this day and age are still genuinely nice and care about the well being of others... whether its online or in person... I'll continue to update you folks on the situation at hand...

As of right now my parents haven't talked about it, I don't want to talk about it either... but from what they said the other day, they are just in denial about it... I'm not looking forward to classes today...

 

[Northland]

I really just want to say thank you to everyone who has given me all the support that I really don't deserve... It's nice to know that people in this day and age are still genuinely nice and care about the well being of others... whether its online or in person... I'll continue to update you folks on the situation at hand...

As of right now my parents haven't talked about it, I don't want to talk about it either... but from what they said the other day, they are just in denial about it... I'm not looking forward to classes today...

First off, you do deserve support. Don't belittle yourself, realize that you are a good person and entitled to the same rights and caring as anybody else.


Give your parents a little time to adjust to this news. As others have indicated it can be something of a jolt to their mental state. They most likely had no idea this was who you are and had figured you'd lead the so-called normal life which would net them a daughter-in-law and grandchildren. Now they'll hopefully stand up for your rights and love you for who you are and maybe get a son-in-law and perhaps some grandchildren (not sure if you are interested in having children, either through invitro or adoption). Just give them some time and a spot of space as they absorb everything. Time will tell more. The fact that they haven't thrown you out-many parents do that-indicates their genuine love for you.

Next up, even though you have been awake all night and think classes may be too difficult, it may offer you a few moments of solace. Getting out of the house and doing something will keep your mind occupied. Maybe you have a close friend at school who you can talk to on this matter. Which leads me to ask, are there any organizations at the school or in your community for gay men (or LGBTs as a group)?

Stand tall and proud, you can make it through this and there are literally millions who will stand by you through it all.

 

[Countryguy63]

Good Morning Andy,

There's going to be some highs and lows for a while, it' s ok.

Y'know, now that you have told your family, give them some time to realize that you are the same son/brother that you have always been. If they don't want to talk about it right now, that's ok. Just keep your head up and be yourself.

You are in my thoughts Bud :smile:

 

[D_Sawyer Wiener]

I still don't have the courage to tell my sisters... Ugh this night of no sleep is catching up and fast... I'm just loving my iPhone right now cause I can at least post and read threads via this and you folks are truly awesome )

 

[Darkriff]

I know it doesn't really pertain to your circumstances as much as mine do, but feeling worthless and what not can definately lead to and be a sign of depression. Should you start feeling yourself slip away from friends and being disassociative with people in general it might be time to see a doctor and get some help. Trust me I've been there, and still am actually. Yesterday I made a post and some good friends here (altho they probably don't know me as much as I know them) helped me make the first step, and that was seeing a doctor. Talking about it here can be a stress relief, but only temporary, if it worsens ensure that you get help.