Life, love and everything else

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by juice, Jul 27, 2006.

  1. juice

    juice New Member

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    As some of the regualrs in the chatroom know my girlfriend is really sick. We've been spending a lot of time in the hospital and looking for some alternative treatments.
    It appears that early next week (re Monday or Tuesday) she will be going in for surgery. They will remove the offending kidney and do a search to see if the cancer has spread. Then she will be going through some rounds of chemo and radiation.

    I'm not here to pout or sulk, life is a bitch and throws you curveballs sometimes. You just have to readjust your stance and try again.

    Has anyone gone through anything like this?

    I'm looking at it realistically, her prognosis isn't great, but it's good. We're taking it one step at a time, but sometimes the next step is the hardest.

    Anyone know what I mean or am I just rambling?

    Anyway thanks for hearing me out.
     
  2. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    Best of luck to you and yours. Sorry I haven't got anything more helpful than that.
     
  3. NCbear

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    Juice, I don't know you, but friends of mine have seen their spouses and life partners go through hell, medically speaking. Best of luck to you and your loved ones.

    NCbear
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
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    Juice--I am glad you posted this. Both Matthew and I were concerned about your situation when you mentioned it. I am going to move this to ETC where hopefully more people will see it.

    I'll keep you and your GF in my thoughts.
     
  5. art

    art
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    Hey, Juice. I don't have any words of wisdom, either. Just hang in there, supporting her as you have been doing.

    I hope you guys have been talking from the heart also, and not keeping your feelings bottled up inside. Any medical decision or procedure, especially when there's the possibility of death or major pain, is difficult to deal with on all levels. I find it especially scary to put yourself and my life in the hands of doctors I don't really know. By the time you've reached an advanced level of medical care, you've also progressed beyong the friendly family doctor

    I hope you can admit you're both scared, that you love each other, and that you're going to get through it together.

    Life is always easier when you have someone to share it with. The good parts, the bad parts, and the stupid parts.

    I'm going through a bit of that myself, and hate the feeling of being alone and scared. I bug my friends (the ones who will listen) all the time with my hopes and fears. I'm not really scared of death; I'm afraid of continual pain and dismemberment.

    Good luck to you both!
     
  6. mellowmal

    mellowmal New Member

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    Juice, you're a sweet person, and I'm sure your lady is, too. There really aren't a lot of words I can offer as comfort, but know that you've got friends around the world who are sending positive thoughts as the two of you go through this.

    Keep us in the loop.
     
  7. Hockeytiger

    Hockeytiger Active Member

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    Ouch. I wish I saw this earlier. Sorry to hear about your girlfriend. As much as she is going to need your physical support due to her weakened condition, she is going to need your emotional support more. I’m not a medical professional, but I've had family members suffer from cancer.

    #1) do not be afraid of the disease. She may be sick, but she is still the same person. Don't let that change how you feel.

    #2) Learn as much as possible about the treatment course and the aftermath. It is easier to battle something if you understand it. BTW you BOTH are fighting this, not just her.

    #3) Be sure she eats reasonably well. She won't feel like it, but lack of consumption will only prolong the suffering. Smaller, more frequent meals may work better than three larger ones.

    #4) She obviously won't have as much energy, so be mindful of that. When she sleeps, make sure that you get in some "your time" activities. You can't give up your entire life. If you do, you will start to resent her for it, and that won't do either of you any good.

    #5) As soon as the docs agree to it, get her on an exercise regimen, obviously very basic at first.

    #6) This is a life changing event. You can't go on with the exact same old routine. Perhaps the two of you should start a new hobby together?

    #7) Focus on the outcome rather than the suffering.

    #8) Consider a support group, even for you, and perhaps separate as well as together. In some ways it will be just as tough for you. You will be angry about all of this (and to a certain extent you will be angry at her), and you don't want to express that to her. You need to find someone to express those feelings to. A little selfishness is important.

    #9) Be sure she keeps a record of her side effects and what helps to alleviate them, and what doesn't. Bring this to doctor visits.

    #10) Whenever she is in the hospital, even for outpatient work, be sure to question why every drug, procedure, etc. is being performed. Mistakes are VERY common in the medical world.

    #11) Be there for her, but don't coddle her too much. If she is going to beat this, she will need you, but ultimately it is HER battle to fight.
     
  8. Heather LouAnna

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  9. Love-it

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    We have been there and communication is key, with your wife and with others, don't bottle it up.
     
  10. davidjh7

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    I work in a cancer center, and see hundreds of people go through the system. Some I have gotten to know a bit, some not ( I work in the engineering side, not so much the clinical side, but I do get involved). There are two things to remember about cancer---if it can be confined, there is a great chance of curing it, or putting it into remission. If it has metastisized, your chances go down considerably. THose are the facts--but you don;t have to accept them as inevitable. The second most important thing, is attitude. THe more positive you stay, the more willing you are to enjoy whatever time you have, bei it days or years (true for ALL of us), the more you look forward to the day instead of dreading it, the better your chances are. I've seen people come in who had the worst possible chances, but who had such a spirit and positive attitude, that they actually went into remission with the help of the various treatments. I;ve also see people come in with the worst attitudes who had the very best chances, and die within w couple of weeks. Your body, with some help, has an increadible ability to help itself, but the mind is still in charge, and if the mind gives up, then the body follows. Talk, share, plan, take CHARGE of yourselves and the disease. Remember, the medical system is there as YOUR support system, not the other way around (although it seems that way sometimes, I know). If you want to pursue an alternative more holistic therapy scheme, as well as conventional therapy, go for it! Mostly, though, don;t let the cancer consume your love, and your life that you CAN share together. Cancer can only destry the body. It can;t touch your hearts and love, unless you let it. Love and live the very best you can---make moments together, so that n matter what, you will HAVE those moments. I wish you the ver best, and I hope and pray for her recovery. Believe it can happen, believe in her, and yourself, and your love. Then, whatever ultimately happens, that love and experience will continue to live and grow throughout the years.

    EDIT---What hockytiger says so succinctly, is excellant advice---obviously, someone who has been there, done that. Definately words of wisdom!
     
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