Life's unfair!!!

[badboybryce]

PLEASE NOTE: The grass is not always greener on the other side. You can not even imagine what some of us go through because of how we look or what we have. I have met some of the most shallow people who are only interested in muscular guys with big dicks. A big dick may satisfy your sexual urges...but then what?

Do not live your life feeling as though you are not wanted or are overlooked. Keep your self-esteem and build confidence in yourself. People do not want to be with the insecure. If they notice it, they will pass you over. Think about how you carry yourself and re-evaluate yourself. Good luck!

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

The good looking guy with no personality might end up with a series of one night stands KK with head cases who are shallow enough to fuck someone based just on looks but the nice guy ends up with the girl

 

[lafever]

The good looking guy with no personality might end up with a series of one night stands KK with head cases who are shallow enough to fuck someone based just on looks but the nice guy ends up with the girl

What if the guy is good looking with a good personality and is nice? What then, do you start looking at what car they drive, what house they live in, where does it end? People should not be comparing themselves to others and start living their own lives.

lafever

 

[simcha]

Alright, here is something that most of us struggle with. There is no absolute "ideal." And overweight people aren't "lazy." Some of us are meant to have a few extra pounds and that is that. You can fight it all your life and drive yourself nuts, and everyone around you nuts, and hate yourself for it, but you will not find happiness that way.

All those who have told the OP to basically "get up off of his lazy ass and do something to change himself" miss the mark here and perpetuate the myth that there is some "ideal" body type for the human race. It feeds into the propaganda of our weight loss industry that adds to suffering by offering diets, pills, exercise programs, that fail us telling us that only if we pay more for more of the same products and didn't fail at following their programs exactly we would be happy and thin. It's all a sham. It's a disgrace.

You can be healthy and happy at any size, shape, and appearance. All of the work is done within. Health at any size means eating properly according to your own body's needs and moving enough to maintain your fitness levels. And yes, fat people can be fit without losing weight and sometimes fat people are more fit than those skinny people you see walking around.

So, the mindset is the real bitch here to overcome. I think this all begins with acceptance. You have to realize that the human family has all different kinds of shapes and sizes in it and that there is always someone who will find you attractive. The thing is that it won't matter if you don't find yourself attractive and you don't love yourself for being exactly the way you are in this very moment. It all begins with acceptance.

Here is a quote from the AA Big Book that has always helped me. It's from page 449.

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation -- some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."

Bold and italics are mine for emphasis...

 

[snoozan]

It's great being the nice one, good listener, talker, funny one, entertainer..... but we know which one get's bonked at the end of the night!!! The hot one!

I am so not the hot one. In my life I've had terrible acne, been a tomboy, looked like a "dyke", been 235 pounds, and have saggy tits and belly. I've never had any trouble getting laid by some very attractive men. Unfortunately, getting laid every night isn't what I ever really wanted, so that didn't really work out.

Even so, with my imperfect self, I have been able to spend time with some of the most wonderful, interesting, crazy, intelligent, attractive men. I refuse to believe that the world is handed to the hot people on a platter. Sure, it may mean that they get hit on more and make good trophy wives or whatever, but it sure as hell doesn't buy happiness. The "hot one" of my group of friends somehow always ended up with some of the guys that were the biggest assholes and losers who weren't always very attractive. God knows why she picked some of those guys. It's not just that, thought. She's bitter, unhappy, and just as or more fucked up as the rest of the world. Some of it is from being "the hot one."

If you're looking at finding a partner and being a partner the way you look at buying steaks at the meat counter, you're always going to come up short. There's always something more expensive, fresher, larger, and better.

I don't know. I'm married to a nice guy, we love each other, he didn't hit the roof and throw me on a treadmill when I got fat, and he takes care of me when I get sick for months on end. We have a beautiful son who is sweet, funny, and a joy to be around. We'd both like to be better looking-- but we'd like to have 5 million in the bank as well. We have bad things in our lives, but a lot less than some people who appear to be a lot more together and attractive than we are.

Shit happens and we're not all dealt equal hands. But there's nothing you can do about it except make the best of with what you've got. Sometimes the guy or woman in the corner with a nice smile or a a good laugh is exactly what you need, even though it may not be what you think you need. Sometimes that person is one of us.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

A book isn't just it's cover, someone can have all the trappings and their insecurities, shitty personality, will shine through.

 

[lafever]

A book isn't just it's cover, someone can have all the trappings and their insecurities, shitty personality, will shine through.

I`m just curious, you definatly have your opinions in stone, did someone mislead you and hurt you mercilessly? Because you sound a little upset about this topic so i`m asking because i care.


lafever

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

No I'm not in the least upset and like all people I've been hurt once or twice, but probably less than most. My opinions aren't in stone but at my age if my opinions aren't well formed (although they're always open to revision) I'd be a moron

 

[lafever]

No I'm not in the least upset and like all people I've been hurt once or twice, but probably less than most. My opinions aren't in stone but at my age if my opinions aren't well formed (although they're always open to revision) I'd be a moron

Sometimes i think we pick certain relationships just because we know they`re doomed from the start. This way we`ll know theres a way out without getting hurt when it`s time to move on. So basically it`s the shity relationships that help give us our zest for life everytime we go out on the rebound.

lafever

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Yeah I think that some people do, but I don't know if it's for that reason, it's often just that that's an established pattern, people chose similar people and if it didn't work with one person like that it probably won't work with another person.

 

[simcha]

I get disturbed by this topic because I hate that certain sections of society attempt to dictate what happiness is based on your appearance. Then they market products that promise to bring all to their definition of the ideal to all those whose appearance doesn't meet their ideal. Many of these products are dangerous. Almost all of them don't work. And I know for certain that you cannot find true happiness by merely changing the way you look.

So, all of those industries that market hair replacement products, weight loss products, penis enlargement products, cellulite creams, anti-wrinkle creams, hair dye, foreskin restoration products, breast enlargement products, hair removal products, etc. prey upon people's innate insecurities about how they look, exploiting those who have the least amount of self-esteem for profit.

Also, it creates the mindset that you are never "good enough" and that you are never "attractive enough" or "fit enough" or whatever enough and that you "should" just get off your duff and do something to change your appearance whether or not that change is actually healthy for you, necessary, or actually improves your comeliness. It sets people up for guaranteed failure because the "ideal" people set is unattainable to most and unhealthy for many.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

Yeah I agree with that too, 'perfection' can't exist, but someone can be perfect for you, despite their beer belly, baldness, scrawny legs or whatever they just fit, everyone has their 'ideal' but that's just the fotofit of all the separate things they like, it's never going to be real.

 

[lafever]

Yeah I think that some people do, but I don't know if it's for that reason, it's often just that that's an established pattern, people chose similar people and if it didn't work with one person like that it probably won't work with another person.

I agree, some just like the drama, while others are in a catch 22 so it becomes there m.o., i have friends that if it weren`t for shity relationships they wouldn`t have anything to talk about, which would be a good thing because the only time they call is to complain about the doom and despair in their lives, it gets old fast.

lafever

 

[viking1]

What if the guy is good looking with a good personality and is nice? What then, do you start looking at what car they drive, what house they live in, where does it end? People should not be comparing themselves to others and start living their own lives.
lafever

This is the age old question that will never be truthfully answered. Just kind of like "does size matter". We think we have an answer but we really never do. Why? Because it depends on so many others things. Everything in life is relative. Relativity doesn't just apply to Einstein's time, space, matter, and energy theory. It applies to everything in life. The answer changes with every different situation. The answers are dynamic...

To Simcha, SpoiledPrincess, and Snoozan: those are three of the most sensible posts in this thread, or even on this forum in recent history.
I just wish I could figure out how to grasp those ideas and manage to apply them to my life. I really want to be able to know how to do that.

If I can't be rich, how can I be content as a working class? If I can't look like Brad Pitt, how can I be content with average looks? If I can't have a large penis, how can I be content with average? How did you guys do that?
That's what I want to know.

A lot of the way I am was situational. Not trying to blame others in saying this. It's my fault 100% for letting it happen. I was picked at and put down by family members. I have been snubbed on some jobs I've had for not having the education or money that the professional people did. I was snubbed in school for being a geek, dork, gear head, or what ever you want to call it. I was also ridiculed in school at a certain age. I gave up trying to fight back and I just isolated myself from the pain any way I could. On the job I just stayed away from the snobs. In school the same thing. I hung out with the custodians and the maintenance mechanics.
At home I'd get away when I could. I usually found some kind of work to do for somebody. Nobody could complain about that. I learned how to do a lot of different jobs and work on many things, but I learned nothing about life itself. Now I'm getting older and I'm sad, lonely and miserable. When I say I've had my head in machinery most of my life, I'm not joking.

I long for the real taste of life that I've never had. For what's beyond the world of mechanical things. Diesel smoke, and wheels can only take one so far, and never away from the pain. I really don't know what to do to change things. How did you guys overcome your problems to be happy with who and or what you are? I am not happy with who and what I am.
I hate myself. I hate my situation. I hate what I have become...

 

[arktrucker]

Here ya go... If you have to spend more time at the mirror applying product than it takes to get dressed.... theres something wrong.

This is a very touchy subject for me. I'm one of the short and dumpy ones. Although I think I've done pretty good. While I watch the 'pretty' ones jump from relationship to relationship, I've been with my partner 23 years. While the 'pretty' ones spend night after night in the bars, drinking, dancing, turning down the requests to dance from the less than pretty in the attempt to catch the next 'ex' or whatever, we've not been to a bar in a looong time... 15 years maybe. Short and dumpy people are entitled to the same as everyone else don't let the 'pretty' ones get you down. The vindictive side of me wants to be there to watch the inevitable failure of the products...!

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

It's not easy Viking, it's as easy as saying be confident and yourself and as hard as that. People aren't attracted to looks unless there's a brightness that goes with those looks, there has to be something behind a facade, and alternately a great personality will give you a brightness that's attractive if you don't have great looks, but if you've had shit luck all your life you can need someone to give you a hand out of that, but no one's going to give you a hand while all you display is negativity, so it's a catch 22 situation.

But going out and doing things that you may find difficult starts to build a little self esteem, helping people helps yourself, and if you make a little start on feeling good about yourself it can soon develop into genuine confidence, and I'm not just talking theory here, I bullied and cajoled a friend into actually doing this, I nursed her every step of the way until she could do it herself, she had a helping hand but really she did it herself.

 

[BIGBULL29]

I get disturbed by this topic because I hate that certain sections of society attempt to dictate what happiness is based on your appearance. Then they market products that promise to bring all to their definition of the ideal to all those whose appearance doesn't meet their ideal. Many of these products are dangerous. Almost all of them don't work. And I know for certain that you cannot find true happiness by merely changing the way you look.

So, all of those industries that market hair replacement products, weight loss products, penis enlargement products, cellulite creams, anti-wrinkle creams, hair dye, foreskin restoration products, breast enlargement products, hair removal products, etc. prey upon people's innate insecurities about how they look, exploiting those who have the least amount of self-esteem for profit.

Also, it creates the mindset that you are never "good enough" and that you are never "attractive enough" or "fit enough" or whatever enough and that you "should" just get off your duff and do something to change your appearance whether or not that change is actually healthy for you, necessary, or actually improves your comeliness. It sets people up for guaranteed failure because the "ideal" people set is unattainable to most and unhealthy for many.

Fantastic post! I'm not changing nothing about myself appearance wise. I don't want anyone else to either. Many people can't accept their bodies.
It's never good enough. I like real people, real bodies. Not artificial ones...

I just have a perfect cock given to be my nature. :biggrin1:
:wink:I'm so vain about it.

 

[SpeedoGuy]

There are many different ways to compete, one of them is by being a nice guy, not everyone places a perfect body above warmth and love.

I'm not picking on SP when I object to this sentiment but my experience has clearly shown me that being a nice guy is a sure fire way to disappointment and marginalization.

I can only speak from the perspective of a 43 year old American straight white guy but what I've observed in my years is this: While prospective partners might say they value nice guys, what they actually value is a mixture of attitude, confidence, personality, looks, wealth, humor, a bit of mystery and unpredictability, and whatever other strains of elan stoke their particular fire.

Sorry to come off as such a bummer but being a nice guy just ain't enough. Nice guys are a dime a dozen.

 

[SpoiledPrincess]

So Simcha, we're all exposed to the same media images, any idea why one person is happy with themselves and another isn't? I'm perfectly happy with how I am although I wouldn't mind blonde hair (my desire for it isn't huge, I wouldn't bleach it) and I put this down to being a very secure child who was always told she was beautiful and had loads of love, but there are other women who had the same thing when they were kids and still grow up full of insecurities, and some women with terrible childhoods who manage to rise above it and become adults who are happy in themselves.

Speedo a nice guy does have confidence, he can be decent looking, he doesn't have to be poor, I don't want to be a bitch but often nice equates to boring.

 

[viking1]

I'm not picking on SP when I object to this sentiment but my experience has clearly shown me that being a nice guy is a sure fire way to disappointment and marginalization.

I can only speak from the perspective of a 43 year old American straight white guy but what I've observed in my years is this: While prospective partners might say they value nice guys, what they actually value is a mixture of attitude, confidence, personality, looks, wealth, humor, a bit of mystery and unpredictability, and whatever other strains of elan stoke their particular fire.

Sorry to come off as such a bummer but being a nice guy just ain't enough. Nice guys are a dime a dozen.

So, I really am "up the creek". Not surprising...