1. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

    D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov Account Disabled

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    We all seem to know that a healthy diet and working out, among other things, are vital if you want to enjoy good sex until the end of your lifetime. (Sorry for mentioning the word "end".)

    Suppose that you have just met someone. You have fallen in love with her or him, or you feel that a bonding relationship with them is really worth your while.

    But you were quick to discover that, although they are apparently ok, they don't have a very healthy lifestyle, conducive to (?) - leading to, I mean - fulfilling sex. They don't often eat well or work out.

    Do you think it would be appropriate for you, right at the beginning of your relationship, to ask them to or at least to suggest them choose a better lifestyle? Do you think it would sound preachy or pretentious to approach them with a few tips? Or saying, for example: "I want you to be totally well and healthy for you and me. I want to be making love with you for as long as possible. Please take care of yourself." Or whatever?

    Would it appear as if you were a control freak or telling them what they have to do?

    Does your current partner have about the same lifestyle as yourself? Is a convergence in lifestyle and healthy choices necessary to make a relationship bloom and last?
     
  2. Northland

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    I don't have the healthiest eating habits myself; so, it would be wrong for me to criticize another.

    That said, the person I am closest to, is a smoker. It worries me that he has added health risks; however, I will never tell him to stop smoking. He knows I smoked for years (eventually hit 3 packs a day), and he knows I no longer do (though I do enjoy secondhand smoke). I figure the best method is lead by example, if I love the person enough, I'll accept them for who they are. He's physically more active than I am these days (as far as going around town-he doesn't work out and neither do I); but, he never intrudes on my days of not wanting to go more than a few 100 feet from home.
     
  3. nick1014

    nick1014 New Member

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    At the early stage of relationship you describe, I'd think lifestyle advice might be pushing it, but you have to ask yourself whether your prospective partner's lifestyle is going to mesh well with your own. If you're a health nut or a neat freak or whatever extreme you want to pick and they are the polar opposite, it may make for relationship drama down the road. Or not, depending on personality, situation, etc. You also have to ask yourself whether you will be able to enjoy the same sorts of things if you have an active lifestyle and eat healthy foods and your guy or gal doesn't -- that will make for whole classes of things you won't often be able to share.

    Once you're in a committed relationship with someone (or a strong friendship for that matter), you have every right to be concerned for your loved one's health and encouraging about good health choices. I can imagine situations where a partner's health choices would make it difficult to stay in a relationship, but they are pretty extreme. If you love someone, quirks are to be expected.
     
  4. Lex

    Lex
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    Someone taking relative care of themselves is, in and of itself, an attractive trait to me. My hubby is not a lean man, but he does cook well, exercise and try to eat right. We take care of our bodies for ourselves and for each other--we'd like to have many decades together, so the investment is well worth it.

    We are both social drinkers and non-smokers. We exercise with each other 4-5 times a week and try to keep each other on track with healthy eating choices. I don't know that I could date someone who was not healthy or who smoked for example. Your mileage may vary.
     
  5. MH07

    MH07 Member

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    Ahh, the old "I can change them!" argument.

    If you said any of that to me, I would be offended. How about if someone said to you, "You need to come off all that "healthy lifestyle" crap!" You wouldn't like it much, would you? You also wouldn't immediately start smoking and eating Big Macs. In other words, put yourself in their position: say you met someone, and they said to you, early in the relationship, "I really like you but that healthy lifestyle stuff you preach really turns me off, please stop." Would you? Of course not.

    Nick (above) gave you some good advice re: polar opposites. If you're going to try to go with someone who is a polar opposite, you're going to get drama later on. Now, if you feel you can MANAGE that drama, then go for it. Just don't be mad if, the first time you try to change their lifestyle, they give you the old heave-ho. Consider, too, that if they DON'T change their lifestyle, are you going to be irritated every time they do something you don't like? Like, say, every time they order dessert or (if they smoke) every time they light up? You're letting YOURSELF in for a lot of irritation....

    I can't tell you how many relationships I've seen sour (gay and straight) because one partner or the other (sometimes both!) said, "Oh, my love will change him/her." Ehh, maybe, but usually not so much....
     
  6. D_Smidley Smelliepits

    D_Smidley Smelliepits Account Disabled

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    I think it all depends on how important it is. If you are at the beginning of a relationship and still getting to know each other, I think you should make clear what you think about certain things, like health, working out or sex. I mean, if it's that important for you, the other person should know. If the other person is willing to change it, congrats! If not, at least you know the deal. What I mean is that, in a few years, it could become disappointing for one or both of you.
     
  7. hung

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    If I understood the topic orginator, the cycle of romance has just commenced. Hardly a time to bring up the lifestyle topic.

    If this situation should progress to love and marriage, which it appears it will not; then the topic of long life should enter the picture.

    If the focus of the relationship is to enjoy sex as I read it, the lifestyle talk is not germane.

    If the topic originator is looking for a long term with marriage relationship then everyone should be open and honest with their communication.

    After all it is a matter of timing and goals.

    I never even considered hooking up at a buffet style eating establishment. I also never met any of my two spouses at a bar or club.

    So I guess I am saying it depends where you meet up that sort of sets the pace for the conquest.

    Enjoy life.

    Maybe the best place to meet up would be a gym or a health food store.
     
  8. D_Ellerby Eatsprick

    D_Ellerby Eatsprick New Member

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    I usually try to get an idea of the person's lifestyle before I meet or even start dating them. If a man already smokes cigarettes or pot, or chew, the conversation is over before it has even started.

    I prefer to be with individuals who are like minded and have similar choices when it comes to drinking, eating and working out. I would probably have a hard time with someone who is an recovering alcoholic or doesn't drink at all. Sometimes its hard to find out those who are like-minded because people like to put forward their best feet and you find out in time that they aren't who they are, or sometimes things come up and they stop doing what they were doing.

    Even though I'm not skinny, and have been working on being more active than usual, I hope that my next partner is active. I was always active, but my problem is that I get into relationships where my partners were not as active or they were in a situation where they couldn't work out and it lead to me being not as active. I did get my second boyfriend to join the gym and play some sports but he would lose interest. Once I start dating again, I'd like to be able to go to the gym with my partner or do some kind of activity together like squash or a coed sport.
     
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