Little Doubt

Akaitaly

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Hello people,

It's been a while I have always wanted to post in this forum, hoping that you will help me get my mind clear.
As soon as I have time I will get verified and present myself.

I am a 23yo straight man.
My life has been characterised by many delusions received from all the girls for whom I have felt something and have had attraction. Especially during puberty and growing up as a teenager I wasn't that cute, and I have always been chubby with the typical unexercised belly. Female friends and even the girls with whom I was flirting pointed out only my flaws.
All the insults, delusions and comparison to other guys have caused me to still have a very low self-esteem, even though I have female friends and even acquaintances (both m and f) that tell me I am handsome and that it's just myself that holds me back to approach girls.
However, the picture I have of myself does not change.
I am still chubby and even though I train, I can't manage to get a sculpted body with abs.

Because of fear of rejection, I do not try to approach a girl that easily anymore, I tend to wait for one to do a step forward. This is why I am still a virgin, I have only done foreplay with girls when drunk in discos or at house parties. When I am drunk I am also a totally different person and I tend to flirt with any single attractive girl in the room, without thinking of rejection. However, my drunk self tends to stop itself when about to fuck because I am quite old-fashioned and would like to enjoy (and remember) my first time with a girl I have feelings for (not gonna start talking about it cause I have been in love with my best female friend for 6 years even though she had a boyfriend, pointed out some of my flaws and even rejected me about an year ago).

By the way, the point of this post is another.

When I look at guys that have a nice body, with defined muscles, sometimes I tend to have an erection, even when I watch muscular guys in porn with girls or when they are masturbating with their partner on cam. I feel like that it is caused by the "admiration" and willingness to have that body. Moreover, I do not have any sort of sexual attraction towards those guys, but the boners or the increase in boner intensity confuse me.

I only want to sleep with girls and date girls and even if I think about it, I would never like to have sex with a man or date one. The maximum I would push myself to do is having a wanking buddy with whom jerk off together and even each other.

What do you think? Maybe if one day I will manage to get that nice body this will stop, or do you think it's something different?

I hope you take this seriously and that you can help me!

Thank you all and I hope that your life has not been affected negatively by COVID-19 whatsoever.
 

Lumilumi95

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Good night
My story is very similar to yours, I have always suffered a lot of bullying in teenage because of acne and bc I strange girl , but today I change and it doesn't affect me anymore of course I still have difficulties in meeting men and I virgin by choice ,you need to seek to improve yours self esteem and I'm sure you will find a girl who likes you maybe you are just looking in the wrong places ^^

Ps: try to see less porn and I'm sorry for my english(Its very bad sorry) but i hope i helped u in some way ... be safe
 
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kewlkid75

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Hello friend.
I get what you are saying. I've been there before. My advice to you, from what I have been told and now I practice self love and gratitude daily. We all compare ourselves to others, have been since the dawn of time. Is it right, NO, but it happens. Find your joy. Be your own company, life is easier that way. The key to self confidence is know who you are. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin. Work on what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. Your looks and body type doesn't have much to do with it, but you focus on what you have and others..i.e. women will do the same. Stop focusing on your flaws, and I mean women too, we all have them.. You can change your body, lifestyle changes and healthy habits. Plus, your wardrobe will have to be something you can work on. Don't go broke, search pinterest and findgood clothing style ideas for reasonable prices. I talk to a lot of women and they say to me..you have so much confidence and I am gay, but i treat them the way I want to be treated and I recognize boundaries. Mainly because I have a heart to heart with me every day. Tell yourself that you are awesome, courageous and you can do anything. Do this daily and be sincere, trust me it works. The women who you are going after don't respect you, because you try to hard. Be natural, it's a learned skill, everything is learned. First things first. You have to know YOU. It may take a while and you'll lose people who are close. Find a better circle of friends. Learn to be alone and embrace what is, love what is..that means, learn to be on your own and love you more..embrace embrace embrace yourself.. Then you will attract a quality person who wants to date you..
 
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Hanging6x6

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I am bisexual so my interests are different from your, but I can still relate. When I look at men or photos of men there are some I am sexually attracted to and others I simply admire. I sometimes find my penis responding to the way a guy looks but I don't have any desire to be with him.

In response to your comment about your body, I will share my thoughts. I am married now and only have sex with my wife and my best friend. In my younger years I was with a lot of people. I had sex with males and females who weren't always the best looking or most fit. For me it was a matter of their confidence. Those who were confident in spite of what many would call flaws were still fun to be with. I lost interest when people who were very insecure about their appearance. If you project confidence in yourself there may be people like me who accept you as you are.

That said, if you don't feel you are at your best do what you can to become what you want to be. You said you train so maybe ask your doctor if there is a medical reason that is not working. I think the key is to be the best version of you that you can be and work on accepting whatever that ends up being. Most of us have our own issues but are able to find happiness. I hope you find it too.
 
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By the way, the point of this post is another.

When I look at guys that have a nice body, with defined muscles, sometimes I tend to have an erection, even when I watch muscular guys in porn with girls or when they are masturbating with their partner on cam. I feel like that it is caused by the "admiration" and willingness to have that body. Moreover, I do not have any sort of sexual attraction towards those guys, but the boners or the increase in boner intensity confuse me.

I only want to sleep with girls and date girls and even if I think about it, I would never like to have sex with a man or date one. The maximum I would push myself to do is having a wanking buddy with whom jerk off together and even each other.

What do you think? Maybe if one day I will manage to get that nice body this will stop, or do you think it's something different?

I hope you take this seriously and that you can help me!

Thank you all and I hope that your life has not been affected negatively by COVID-19 whatsoever.

Don't let the erections you get confuse you. For so long you have coveted the muscles, abs, and looks of other guys that it turned sexual. And now when you see a guy with a trait that you want for yourself, it sexually excites you and you get an erection. Based on what you said in your post, this isn't a case of you being bisexual or gay or even being in denial.

That said, getting a "nice body" won't stop it. At this point, your self-esteem is so low that no matter what type of body you get you will always covet something more. It might be firmer pecs, or better defined abs, or bigger muscles, or any of a hundred different items. If you want to move past this, you need to stop looking at the greener grass on the other side of the fence. You need to learn to accept yourself for who you are. You need to find the positives about yourself. You need to stop dwelling on the negatives. That doesn't mean you have to stop working out, but do it to better yourself for yourself, not to better yourself so you look like some guy in a porno.
 
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