Living a lie

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by star64, Jan 9, 2009.

  1. star64

    star64 New Member

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    Hi every1 im new here.
    heres the thing, im the middle side of the 40's, married with kids and have always know that im a lesbian but up to now i am living a lie, i like to feel a man thrusting inside me - cause i dont now what it would be like to have a woman using a false 'member' on me me, but when he has my clit between his teeth and lips i think of a woman doing it to me and me to her, its not some thing i just thought i'd try, I KNOW i'm a lesbian, but what should i do? i've lived this lie for a long time now, even as a child i knew i liked girls but in my family its not the done thing...any advice
     
  2. AlteredEgo

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    Not a single word of advice, I'm sorry. But I did want to welcome you. You might like this thread. It chronicles a long-time member here, and his journey coming out to his wife, his parents, and how he managed to keep his family together while honoring himself and his truth.
     
  3. mickswim

    mickswim New Member

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    i second - welcome - enjoy and learn -
    you might find, not so lonely in here
     
  4. Nala

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    No advice, I'm sorry. I do want to welcome you and I hope you will get some advice.
     
  5. barkerfan

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    Again, no advice and I apologize for that. I think you have to do what's right and what is best for you. Given your family situation, on both ends, I have no idea what that may be. Just know that there are others here who have gone through similar situations ( It will probably take a thread search to find them and thier stories.) and many more of us who will be willing and able to offer support. Welcome to the community Star.
     
  6. mickswim

    mickswim New Member

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    u will be fine in here - u will meet women who can talk w/ you...
    something that's evaded every other man in the chat room !

    be yourself.
     
  7. Mem

    Mem
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    Do whatever makes you happy. Fuck your parents or siblings who may disown you. If they can't love you unconditionally they are not worth your love. With your husband and kids it is more tricky.

    Remember you only go around once in this life. You may come back someday reincarnated, but you won't be you. If you need a loving romantic relationship with a woman that is what you deserve.
     
  8. star64

    star64 New Member

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    Hi Thanks for that {:¬)
     
  9. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    As a person that was in an opposite sex reltionship the I never should have gotten into I feel your pain. All I can say to you now that I'm out of it is get out. It won't be easy as y'r married and I was just almost married. I can tell you wou'll never feel whole until y're out of the marriage. I don't know how long you've been married, how old y'r kids are or how close you really are to your husband. These facts will play a big part in how you approach separating if that's what you really want to do.
    PLease don't make the mistake a friend of mine made i staying married 'for the kids' and 'till they're oout of school'. She just came to her senses and is kicking herself for waiting 15 yrs too long to get divorced. We talked endless hours about this.
    Don't try to leave until y're really ready. You at least need to protect yourself. So until we hear more facts about your situation it's hard to give advice unless y're just here to blow off steam which is cool too. I know you are probably ready to blow....so to speak....heee.
     
  10. HellsKitchenmanNYC

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    Ahhh great this was moved to a forum where you might not get all sides of the story. You could have posted it there orig but didn't.
     
  11. Mem

    Mem
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    This is not just a woman's issue. I hope that Star64 can find it here.

    P.S. Do you want to live a lie?
     
  12. MickeyLee

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    wouldn't the relationship forum be a better place to park this?

    ML

    flip side of you star64, dyke for my first 22 years. 23 saw lots of changes. ya should check out the local GLBT centers in your area. you would be amazed how many women are in the same place you are. believe me lesbians are all about community support.

    have you signed up on any of the lesbians in transition message boards? lpsg is pure love but might not have what you need.

    ML

    PM if ya want any links.
     
  13. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    Welcome and you're story is very deep.

    I don't know if I have the correct advice for you, as by my training, I'm not supposed to give advice, but help you find your own way.

    From the point in your life right now, where would you like to see yourself in 5 years? What changes, if any, would you like made?
     
  14. Principessa

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    I'm sorry for your pain and conflicted feelings; but I think you know what you have to do in order to live an authentic life. It's not fair to you or your husband to remain in a marriage in which you can never be happy. :frown1:

    That said while we are an open community and welcome all this is a Large Penis Support Group not a Large Pussy Support Group. I think thats why no one has been able to offer you any useful advice thus far. :redface: :frown1: Please don't feel like you have to run off, you are welcome here and this can be a pretty cool place to hang out and make friends. :smile: :cool:

    I googled lesbian forums and newly lesbian and this is what I found.
    I don't know if any of this stuff will help; but I doubt it will hurt. :redface:

    All Things Lesbian

    Lesbian Nation

    Hip Forums/Lesbian

    How to be a Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide
     
  15. Drifterwood

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    I don't think that you can look at your issue in isolation from those whom you have involved with your dilemma.

    Do you love your husband?
    Would he want to end the marriage if you came out?
    Do you think that he is completely ignorant of your true sexuality?
     
  16. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    I find it very very very hard to believe that you can know for a fact that you're a lesbian without actually trying out the life style first. This is very debateable but that's beyond the point, I'm here to express my opinions, not argue this point.

    My first thought would be to ask your husband if a threesome with another girl would please him, if he is anything like any normal man, he might try it out once just for kicks. This could turn into a semi-regular thing with you guys. This way you can still be there for the man you love, the kids you have, and satisfy your fantasies at the same time.

    There are alot of couples out there that have these types of threesome relationships. Couldn't hurt to try it out.

    However, my real advice is to wait till the kids are grown up in order to create waves in your relationship with your husband. I came from a broken home and the scars won't ever trully heal from such a traumatic and life altering thing. Mostly, though, my mother's poor choices, mental illnesses, and short-sighted decisions after the divorce were what caused the majority of the scars.

    If you do decide to get a divorce you must consider how you are going to support your children and realize that you're going to have to have a job permanently in a field that pays well enough to have a decent lifestyle. You must have an education of some sort or know a trade that will be reliable for you after and during the divorce. Don't count on getting any money from your husband, or even any properties because courts can be fickle.

    First and foremost your children should not be subjected to arguments or fights, if you tell your husband you want a divorce, don't do it at home, do it in a public place like a restaurant but do it in a tactful way. Be civil.
     
    #16 StraightCock4Her, Jan 10, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2009
  17. Principessa

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  18. star64

    star64 New Member

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    Hi to all...thanks to all that have commented...i'll mull it over for now, i wouldnt want to jump in head first and loose everything.
     
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