Living a lie

star64

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Hi every1 im new here.
heres the thing, im the middle side of the 40's, married with kids and have always know that im a lesbian but up to now i am living a lie, i like to feel a man thrusting inside me - cause i dont now what it would be like to have a woman using a false 'member' on me me, but when he has my clit between his teeth and lips i think of a woman doing it to me and me to her, its not some thing i just thought i'd try, I KNOW i'm a lesbian, but what should i do? i've lived this lie for a long time now, even as a child i knew i liked girls but in my family its not the done thing...any advice
 

mickswim

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i second - welcome - enjoy and learn -
you might find, not so lonely in here
 

barkerfan

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Again, no advice and I apologize for that. I think you have to do what's right and what is best for you. Given your family situation, on both ends, I have no idea what that may be. Just know that there are others here who have gone through similar situations ( It will probably take a thread search to find them and thier stories.) and many more of us who will be willing and able to offer support. Welcome to the community Star.
 

mickswim

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u will be fine in here - u will meet women who can talk w/ you...
something that's evaded every other man in the chat room !

be yourself.
 

Mem

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Hi every1 im new here.
heres the thing, im the middle side of the 40's, married with kids and have always know that im a lesbian but up to now i am living a lie, i like to feel a man thrusting inside me - cause i dont now what it would be like to have a woman using a false 'member' on me me, but when he has my clit between his teeth and lips i think of a woman doing it to me and me to her, its not some thing i just thought i'd try, I KNOW i'm a lesbian, but what should i do? i've lived this lie for a long time now, even as a child i knew i liked girls but in my family its not the done thing...any advice

Do whatever makes you happy. Fuck your parents or siblings who may disown you. If they can't love you unconditionally they are not worth your love. With your husband and kids it is more tricky.

Remember you only go around once in this life. You may come back someday reincarnated, but you won't be you. If you need a loving romantic relationship with a woman that is what you deserve.
 

HellsKitchenmanNYC

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As a person that was in an opposite sex reltionship the I never should have gotten into I feel your pain. All I can say to you now that I'm out of it is get out. It won't be easy as y'r married and I was just almost married. I can tell you wou'll never feel whole until y're out of the marriage. I don't know how long you've been married, how old y'r kids are or how close you really are to your husband. These facts will play a big part in how you approach separating if that's what you really want to do.
PLease don't make the mistake a friend of mine made i staying married 'for the kids' and 'till they're oout of school'. She just came to her senses and is kicking herself for waiting 15 yrs too long to get divorced. We talked endless hours about this.
Don't try to leave until y're really ready. You at least need to protect yourself. So until we hear more facts about your situation it's hard to give advice unless y're just here to blow off steam which is cool too. I know you are probably ready to blow....so to speak....heee.
 

Mem

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This is not just a woman's issue. I hope that Star64 can find it here.

P.S. Do you want to live a lie?
 

MickeyLee

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wouldn't the relationship forum be a better place to park this?

ML

flip side of you star64, dyke for my first 22 years. 23 saw lots of changes. ya should check out the local GLBT centers in your area. you would be amazed how many women are in the same place you are. believe me lesbians are all about community support.

have you signed up on any of the lesbians in transition message boards? lpsg is pure love but might not have what you need.

ML

PM if ya want any links.
 

B_Think_Kink

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Welcome and you're story is very deep.

I don't know if I have the correct advice for you, as by my training, I'm not supposed to give advice, but help you find your own way.

From the point in your life right now, where would you like to see yourself in 5 years? What changes, if any, would you like made?
 

Principessa

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I'm sorry for your pain and conflicted feelings; but I think you know what you have to do in order to live an authentic life. It's not fair to you or your husband to remain in a marriage in which you can never be happy. :frown1:

That said while we are an open community and welcome all this is a Large Penis Support Group not a Large Pussy Support Group. I think thats why no one has been able to offer you any useful advice thus far. :redface: :frown1: Please don't feel like you have to run off, you are welcome here and this can be a pretty cool place to hang out and make friends. :smile: :cool:

I googled lesbian forums and newly lesbian and this is what I found.
I don't know if any of this stuff will help; but I doubt it will hurt. :redface:

All Things Lesbian

Lesbian Nation

Hip Forums/Lesbian

How to be a Happy Lesbian: A Coming Out Guide
 

Drifterwood

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I don't think that you can look at your issue in isolation from those whom you have involved with your dilemma.

Do you love your husband?
Would he want to end the marriage if you came out?
Do you think that he is completely ignorant of your true sexuality?
 

StraightCock4Her

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I find it very very very hard to believe that you can know for a fact that you're a lesbian without actually trying out the life style first. This is very debateable but that's beyond the point, I'm here to express my opinions, not argue this point.

My first thought would be to ask your husband if a threesome with another girl would please him, if he is anything like any normal man, he might try it out once just for kicks. This could turn into a semi-regular thing with you guys. This way you can still be there for the man you love, the kids you have, and satisfy your fantasies at the same time.

There are alot of couples out there that have these types of threesome relationships. Couldn't hurt to try it out.

However, my real advice is to wait till the kids are grown up in order to create waves in your relationship with your husband. I came from a broken home and the scars won't ever trully heal from such a traumatic and life altering thing. Mostly, though, my mother's poor choices, mental illnesses, and short-sighted decisions after the divorce were what caused the majority of the scars.

If you do decide to get a divorce you must consider how you are going to support your children and realize that you're going to have to have a job permanently in a field that pays well enough to have a decent lifestyle. You must have an education of some sort or know a trade that will be reliable for you after and during the divorce. Don't count on getting any money from your husband, or even any properties because courts can be fickle.

First and foremost your children should not be subjected to arguments or fights, if you tell your husband you want a divorce, don't do it at home, do it in a public place like a restaurant but do it in a tactful way. Be civil.
 
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Principessa

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I find it very very very hard to believe that you can know for a fact that you're a lesbian without actually trying out the life style first. This is very debateable but that's beyond the point, I'm here to express my opinions, not argue this point.

My first thought would be to ask your husband if a threesome with another girl would please him, if he is anything like any normal man, he might try it out once just for kicks. This could turn into a semi-regular thing with you guys. This way you can still be there for the man you love, the kids you have, and satisfy your fantasies at the same time.
That didn't work on Friends with Ross and his lesbian wife and I doubt it would work here either. :rolleyes: :duh:

There are alot of couples out there that have these types of threesome relationships. Couldn't hurt to try it out.
You don't want to expose the children to a divorce but you are okay with exposing them to threesomes and teaching them that monogamy and faithfulness mean nothing in a marriage. :wtf2: :mad:

However, my real advice is to wait till the kids are grown up in order to create waves in your relationship with your husband. I came from a broken home and the scars won't ever trully heal from such a traumatic and life altering thing.
Mostly, though, my mother's poor choices, mental illnesses, and short-sighted decisions after the divorce were what caused the majority of the scars.
I'm sorry you suffered but your advice sucks. No One should ever stay together for the children. The children usually know something is wrong anyway.

My mother's parents divorced when she was in high school in the 1940's and she was so happy! She said she used to pray every night that they would divorce so that the screaming would stop and she could sleep.

If you do decide to get a divorce you must consider how you are going to support your children and realize that you're going to have to have a job permanently in a field that pays well enough to have a decent lifestyle.
Uhm, that's what alimony and child support are for. :cool: Besides which do you know how many women still give up there careers or quit school to suport there husbands dreams? Pffftt! Don't get me started. Sorry if your dad didn't do right by y'all but many divorced men do the right thing and care at least financially for their children.:cool:

You must have an education of some sort or know a trade that will be reliable for you after and during the divorce. Don't count on getting any money from your husband, or even any properties because courts can be fickle.
Again I am so sorry for the obvious pain you went through and are obviously still in, but what makes you think she doesn't have the larger income in the household? Some women earn more than their husbands these days. :wink:

First and foremost your children should not be subjected to arguments or fights, if you tell your husband you want a divorce, don't do it at home, do it in a public place like a restaurant but do it in a tactful way. Be civil.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that you don't know half of what caused your parents to divorce. The poor choices, mental illness, and short sighted decisions which you mentioned occurring after the divorce may well have been common during their marriage and have been a contributing factor to the divorce.
 

star64

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Hi to all...thanks to all that have commented...i'll mull it over for now, i wouldnt want to jump in head first and loose everything.