I had a situation like this once. When I was 16, I met a guy online named Mat. He was insanely cool and I kinda had a crush on him right off the bat. We talked only for 2.5 years or so before we met in person (despite living in the same city). It quickly turned into a "friends with benefits" situation. We got along REALLY well, I considered him one of my best friends. I could talk to him about anything. And when we were both single and in the mood, we could help each other out then too! It was great. But my crush never went away. I always had a bit of a thing for him, despite dating other men throughout the entirety of my friendship with Mat.
When I was 24, I was dating a guy named Mark. We had been together for about two years or so, and our relationship was pretty much shit. Mat was there for me (as usual) when things were going downhill with Mark, and it started to dawn on me that I had feelings for Mat that were stronger than any "crush". I tried to ignore it, but it was useless. Once I had the thought in my head, it wasn't going away. I spent months being quiet about it. Then one day, Mark and I broke up for good. And I decided that I had to tell Mat what was going on inside of me because it was affecting my ability to be friends with him. I had a hard time hanging out with him or talking to him, even online. It just hurt. Mat's always proclaimed that he isn't "boyfriend material" and that he didn't see himself ever being in a relationship in the foreseeable future. (He said this for eight years.) I knew that nothing would come of me telling him my feelings for him. I knew he wouldn't whisk me away and make all my dreams come true. But I HAD to tell him. Otherwise it would've ruined us forever.
I spent weeks thinking about how. Letter? Email? Phone? In person?! Definitely wasn't ballsy enough for the last one, so I went with an email. A *very* lengthy email. About how it happened, about who he was to me, everything. I didn't outright tell him I was in love with him, I think that's mostly because I was still in a bit of denial. I told him that I wasn't sure what I felt, but that it was immensely strong and that it hurt to be around him because of that. He didn't respond. A few days later, I log into Yahoo Messenger and he IM's me with, "Yo." His typical greeting. So we start having small talk. Finally I just break the ice and say, "Did you get my email?" He said yes. But that he didn't know what to say. I said that's fine, I didn't necessarily need a response, I just wanted to make sure he'd read it. He said that he did, and he appreciated my honesty. Then we just... kind of... stopped talking. I started hiding on Yahoo so he wouldn't IM me. I stopped going over to hang out with him. I just... had to have him out of my life for a while. "A while" turned into two years. Then we started having brief convos on Yahoo again. Just basically catching up with each others lives. Nothing more, nothing less. And it's still sort of that way today.
I guess the only way I could deal with it was to get him AWAY from me enough to get over him. I'm not necessarily condoning that process, or saying it works for everyone, or that it's even the best way. That's just what I did because I didn't know what else to do. :smile:
