Locker Room Behavior

hrdhatdad

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2009
Posts
412
Media
0
Likes
99
Points
63
Location
chicago
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
So I was at my gym on Sunday before the game. My gym is on the sothside of Chicago, predominately black. I really like this gym and have been a member there for 10 years. For the most part, I think the guys are very friendly and welcoming. So one in a while you catch someone speaking loudly about "fags". It's usually always guys in their mid 40's and older. On Sunday, guys were watching the television sets that are hung around the locker room and I think there may have been some brief commentary about Culliver and his anti-gay comments. Following this, this one dude just goes off on a rant about how this type of coverage is rediculous with all the murders in Chicago and there is no way that this is a civil rights issue, etc. The guy is raving really loudly and there are a few murmers of agreement from some of the other guys (again, age 40 and older). I really wasn't particularly bothered by this because it's cultural in this community. What did bother me was that this very articulate mature black guy attempted to engage him in a very rational manner and spoke of tollerance and empathy, etc. The guy that was ranting refused to engage him and essentially called him an idiot, and no one took the rational guy's side. What bothered me, more or less after the fact, is that I said nothing. Had I been in an all white gym, I definitely would have joined the conversation. However, in this particular gym, I'm practically the only white guy and when these guys get fired up, it feels like a powder keg and they nearly always connect their issue to race. The misinformation passed between these older men is really an eye opener in a city of this size. I guess my question is, what would other guys have done in this situation. Keep in mind, I don't think I'd had been physically attacked or anything of that nature but my immediate thought was that I'd had been viewed as some arrogant meddlesome white guy.
 
D

deleted300444

Guest
I guess what comes to mind for me is the saying "opinions are like assholes, everyone has got one".

Meaning, I just dont allow ignorant people to wreak my zen. I just move on. It is about protecting me. They dont change...nor do they have to on my account.
 

hairyjockwla

Expert Member
Joined
Nov 9, 2006
Posts
209
Media
0
Likes
243
Points
173
Location
Los Angeles
Sexuality
80% Gay, 20% Straight
Gender
Male
Eh, don't get involved. There are so many weirdos and unstable people out there, it's just not worth it. Oddly enough I also overheard a stupid conversation at my gym on Sunday. It went something like this:
Person 1: You know how Obama wants to ban the second amendment?
Person 2: Uh-huh.
Person 1: Well now there's a picture of him shooting a gun. He's such a hypocrite!
There are so many things wrong with that brief conversation I don't know where to begin, so I just shook my head and left the locker room.
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,542
Media
13
Likes
7,667
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
These situations are frustrating. Most of the time the people not speaking do not agree with the loud mouth. The man who was tolerant might be a person you have a nice conversation with sometime. You can at least reinforce to him that you admired his convictions.
 

hrdhatdad

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2009
Posts
412
Media
0
Likes
99
Points
63
Location
chicago
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
I guess what comes to mind for me is the saying "opinions are like assholes, everyone has got one".

Meaning, I just dont allow ignorant people to wreak my zen. I just move on. It is about protecting me. They dont change...nor do they have to on my account.


Well Prince, it's funny you should say that because that is exactly the response (exactly the response) that the guy that was ranting (actually screaming) in the locker room said to the guy that was trying to get him to chill. It's funny that you repeated his exact quote.
 

Exbiker

Superior Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2010
Posts
3,182
Media
10
Likes
2,848
Points
258
Location
Ascot (Windsor and Maidenhead, England)
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Well. Here's the thing.

No-one would do that at my gym. It's in a nice part of England.

There are a few black and asian men ( and women ) there, and they are of course very welcome, but it's mostly white.

I think there's a few things here. One is, other people's cultures can be a little different. Whether it's a subgroup defined on racial lines, or gender, age, interests of some kind, or whatever. In terms of how people dress / express themselves / behave. And yes, that can sometimes be a little uncomfortable.

But it's also interesting / enlivening. If you want life to always be like a gentle seminar or debate, at an Ivy League or Oxbridge university, you're going to be disappointed. But eventually you will realise that there's no need for concern.

Life is - alive. It throbs and pulses. There are waves of change, and energy and difference within it.

I do think there are some deeply flawed attitudes to homosexuality still prevailing in parts of our developed Western societies. Usually from people over 50, but there are some people in their 70s, 80s, and 90s who are very sensible about it.

I've recently come across this in discussions around the UK Parliament passing a vote to recognise gay marriage on Wednesday this week.

Some people are just totally and completely against that, mainly on religious grounds. Though some religious people are in the "for" camp.

The discussions can be quite interesting and sensible, if you cut through some of the language. Some people feel that in some way, their own marriages will be undermined by this. Some feel that they won't, but that it's just not clear what the point of it is, given that we already have legally recognised "civil partnerships" ( like my own ). All those kinds of points can be discussed, sensibly. But there are some people who betray a deep homophobia. Who can be unbelievably nasty about it. And of those, a lot of them get really upset about me ( or anyone ) even mentioning it. Which I find very strange in a forum thread all about this particular issue ( gay marriage ) ... why shouldn't I comment ? Why shouldn't I say the truth, as I see it ?

But that's in a very specific context. I would not have these kinds of discussion in my gym locker room. Nor would I expect other people to.

I've had my gayness acknowledged in chit-chat in those changing rooms. No problem. And my ( non white ) male partner came to our gym Christmas parties the last couple of years. No issue.

But, if they did talk like your Chicago friends, I wouldn't take it to heart or think about it too much.

Some people are deeply flawed. There are foolish, nasty people in the world. People who have gone wrong for various reasons in their lives.

Acknowledge that, move on. And keep your own counsel.

:smile:
 
Last edited:
2

223790

Guest
There are some guys at my Y who love to argue loudly with anyone in the locker room about anything and everything. To be honest, I just don't engage them in conversation at all. It's always the same guys, and I think they have come to realize that I'm not interested in talking to them, so they don't try to engage me in conversation anymore. I deal with enough psycho, ignorant assholes on a daily basis, so I really don't want to deal with these types when I go to the gym. I go there to relax, not to get worked up over what some ignoramus has to say. I always think of this quote when I encounter people like this, "People who know the least often know it the loudest". It's so true!
 

B_Lightkeeper

Loved Member
Joined
Jun 5, 2006
Posts
5,268
Media
0
Likes
668
Points
208
Location
Eastern Alabama
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
I think I've related this story before - but I belonged to a health club when I lived in Birmingham. There was one instructor that was always making homophobic comments in front of the members. I had placed an ad (I think it was in the Advocate) and he reponded and even sent a nude photo of himself.

Guess who? I never even responded or let him know I was the guy. Sometimes I think I should have taken him up....he had a nice cock and body. :rolleyes:
 

mj21045

Expert Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2008
Posts
387
Media
6
Likes
167
Points
113
Location
Central CT
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
Don't get involved...something similar happened with me back when Chick Fil'A was getting slammed about gay marriage. I was at a retaurant bar having dinner and two guys were sitting there having a very loud conversation about how the media was wrong to make a big deal out of it and how gay's should be happy that they weren't being made to get the hell out of the US for ruining the moral fiber of the country, etc. etc. I sat there and fumed for a bit and then finally turned and said "it's interesting that you are having a very loud conversation about this...I could say that you should be thrown out for voicing your opinions but we live a country that was founded on freedom...I won't throw you out so don't throw me out!"...the two of them just sat there staring at me...and never said another word about it. Except for when they left...they looked at me and said "good luck with the marriage thing - won't happen and that will make us very happy!" They were jerks...and 2 months later Maryland passed gay marriage! Ha!
 

freeballininnyc

Loved Member
Joined
Apr 3, 2008
Posts
513
Media
0
Likes
609
Points
248
Location
Brooklyn, NY
Sexuality
No Response
Gender
Male
You said you didn't feel like there was a physical threat but more that you would seem like the meddlesome white guy. If that's the case, I say voice your opinion. You've been going there for 10 years so it's not like you showed up at an all ethnic gym and on day one started laying down the law. If he's going to be so public about his opinion, you have every right to be as public about yours. I think the fact that you have asked this question answers it. Saying nothing when your initial reaction is to speak, is equivalent to agreeing with him.
 

blackbottom2

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2006
Posts
1,476
Media
2
Likes
197
Points
283
So many deep seated issues in your post like being afraid yet not afraid,,, aren't we all human, some of us more excitable or timid than others and in all essence why should skin colour make them from a different culture as one poster likened it too.

Or do we need to have a place or group to belong to and because you felt you didn't belong, you didn't speak up against intolerance. A bit like the holocaust where it affects all of us in the end.

Asides from that thanks for an honest and thoughtfull post It will be interesting to see the kinds of responses generated
 

Q Vee

Sexy Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2006
Posts
1,006
Media
2
Likes
61
Points
183
Location
New England, USA
Gender
Male
My two cents:

Gay rights is indeed a civil rights issue.

Fortunately, that concept is gaining momentum, even in the Black community. However, some of the strongest resistance comes from Black people. The religious aspect is one reason. Another is race vs. sexuality.

Dark skin color can not be hidden, but sexuality can. So gay lifestyle, unlike people of color, women, disabled and those with ethnic features, do not have the luxury or privilege to hide in plain sight. (The related stories above highlight this point.) Therefore, many feel that gay rights are not synonymous with civil rights.

In the locker room or at the bar, individuals felt very comfortable voicing their discriminatory comments. Additionally, Gay-identifying storytellers felt it was in their best interest to remain silent (hidden), and I am not disputing that wisdom, as Gay bashing is still an issue. Though, having the "option" to come out is a "rub" to those wearing their "label" visibly everyday.

The other side, which people who argue the above point overlook, is that historically, a number of light-skinned Blacks; caucasians with ethnic sounding names; and people of various religions; also chose to hide their identity to protect themselves and "assimilate" into the American society. These individuals have civil rights protections.

Despite all of these points, in situations like these, I remember advice given me a long time ago: you can not have a rational conversation with an irrational individual. Bottom line, not engaging may have been both the safest and wisest decision.

"The better part of valor is discretion"
 
Last edited:

hrdhatdad

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2009
Posts
412
Media
0
Likes
99
Points
63
Location
chicago
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
You said you didn't feel like there was a physical threat but more that you would seem like the meddlesome white guy. If that's the case, I say voice your opinion. You've been going there for 10 years so it's not like you showed up at an all ethnic gym and on day one started laying down the law. If he's going to be so public about his opinion, you have every right to be as public about yours. I think the fact that you have asked this question answers it. Saying nothing when your initial reaction is to speak, is equivalent to agreeing with him.

That's essentially how I felt.
 

hrdhatdad

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 19, 2009
Posts
412
Media
0
Likes
99
Points
63
Location
chicago
Sexuality
69% Gay, 31% Straight
Gender
Male
So many deep seated issues in your post like being afraid yet not afraid,,, aren't we all human, some of us more excitable or timid than others and in all essence why should skin colour make them from a different culture as one poster likened it too.

Or do we need to have a place or group to belong to and because you felt you didn't belong, you didn't speak up against intolerance. A bit like the holocaust where it affects all of us in the end.

Asides from that thanks for an honest and thoughtfull post It will be interesting to see the kinds of responses generated

And this too